February 2013 Connection Program Volunteer Telelearning: M ANAGING D IFFICULT B EHAVIORS IN P EER R ELATIONSHIPS For Internal Use Only

Call One Tuesday, February 12 at 7 p.m. ET (6 p.m. CT, 5 p.m. MST, 4 p.m. PT) Participant Dial-In Number: (877) Conference ID: Call Two Wednesday, February 13 at 2 p.m. ET (1 p.m. CT, 12 p.m. MST, 11 a.m. PT) Participant Dial-In Number: (877) Conference ID: When asked after dialing in, please provide your First and Last Name, and City and State. This information is required for purposes of tracking attendance. M ANAGING D IFFICULT B EHAVIORS IN P EER R ELATIONSHIPS

D IFFICULT B EHAVIOR … W HAT H APPENS TO Y OU : 1.Describe the behavior of the other person. 2.How did you behave? 3.How did you feel afterwards? 4.How do you think he/she felt? 5.Did you wish you had done something different?

H OSTILE -A GGRESSIVE B EHAVIOR SIGNS Try to bully Abrupt with others Intimidating Arrogant tone COPING Give them time to run down Interrupt Refuse to recognize intimidation Avoid open confrontation SHERMAN TANK BEHAVIOR

COPING Smoke them out Ask direct “?s” Do not get involved SNIPER BEHAVIOR H OSTILE -A GGRESSIVE B EHAVIOR SIGNS Pot shots Innuendos

SIGNS Adult temper tantrums Out of control Loud/rapid voice (yelling) Tension in body language COPING Give them time to run down Get their attention (eye contact, move to them) Call time-out Try to douse fire Stay calm and in control Deep breaths BABY-BRAT BEHAVIOR H OSTILE -A GGRESSIVE B EHAVIOR

K NOW IT A LL B EHAVIOR SIGNS Tone of absolute See in black and white Make others feel inept Exude feeling of power COPING Listen and acknowledge Question firmly “I have difficulty...” “Will you help us...” BULLDOZER BEHAVIOR

SIGNS Jargon and acronyms Pontification Create tangents to show off COPING Bring group back Ask for English Acknowledge expertise and enlist help PROFESSOR BEHAVIOR K NOW IT A LL B EHAVIOR

SIGNS Speak with authority Know little about subject Wrong facts COPING State correct facts Provide “face-saver” See them after group for damage control PHONY EXPERT BEHAVIOR K NOW IT A LL B EHAVIOR

S ILENT OR U NRESPONSIVE B EHAVIOR SIGNS Do not peep Look dormant Never volunteer response Observe others Hard to know what they think May leave and criticize Haughty look OR Trapped rabbit COPING Observe body language Call on them Open ended ?’s Friendly silence Don’t rescue Treat as a response See them later CLAM BEHAVIOR

SIGNS Grunts “Yep” “Nope” Stays on fringe of group Seems annoyed COPING Ask for more “Please elaborate” Give observation of body language NEANDERTHAL BEHAVIOR S ILENT OR U NRESPONSIVE B EHAVIOR

B LAMING AND C OMPLAINING B EHAVIOR SIGNS Run on sentences Accusing Whiney tone Fault finding Triangular complaints COPING Limiting response Interrupt Disagree Force problem solving Avoid ADR patterns: (Accusation/defense/re- accusation patterns) WHINING BEHAVIOR

SIGNS “Yes, but...” “We tried that before” “It’s no use” Conversation stoppers See obstacles as absolutes Pessimism COPING Avoid getting drawn in Don’t argue State realistic/optimism Enlist others in positives “EEYORES” (NEGATIVIST BEHAVIOR) B LAMING AND C OMPLAINING B EHAVIOR

I NDECISIVE B EHAVIOR SIGNS Prolong discussion “But, wait!” Fear errors Impede group decision process COPING “Last comment” Note time and need for action Use flip chart for recording “STALLER” BEHAVIOR

SIGNS Forget decisions Request rehash Total turn-around COPING Good minutes Flip chart Firmly state decision was made MULTIPLE PERSONALITY BEHAVIOR I NDECISIVE B EHAVIOR

S UPER -A GREEABLE B EHAVIOR SIGNS Always a smile Agreeable to a fault Verbally wishy-washy Body language tells story Sings different song after meeting “It will all work out somehow” COPING Challenge Ask for honest opinion Observe body language/describe and ask Look over shoulder for knife in back! “POLLYANNA” BEHAVIOR

SIGNS Always volunteering Charming Great until needed Then disappear Men (Don’t do it) (Aggressive/passive) Women (Do it, but poorly) (Passive/aggressive) COPING Challenge promises Insist on timeline Be ready to compromise “HOUDINI” BEHAVIOR S UPER -A GREEABLE B EHAVIOR

A NTI -G ROUP B EHAVIOR SIGNS Has hidden agenda Uses group for personal gain COPING Establish clear rules on group purpose and conflict of interest Confront individual SNAKE OIL SALESMAN BEHAVIOR

SIGNS Likes to talk – rambles Often off topic Preoccupied with own interests Can’t get to point Digresses COPING Interrupt by jumping on a relevant point Redirect to group Emphasize time and goals Acknowledge valid points or relevance of tangent for another day Take responsibility – “Perhaps I was not clear” RAMBLIN’ ROSE BEHAVIOR A NTI -G ROUP B EHAVIOR

SIGNS Side conversations COPING Ask for only one person at a time to talk Ask them to share with the entire group Move to stand or sit near them Stop talking yourself Call one by name Rearrange seating so side talkers can’t sit together Enlist other group members' help CHATTY CATHY BEHAVIOR A NTI -G ROUP B EHAVIOR

H OSTILE -A GGRESSIVE B EHAVIOR SIGNS Loves to argue Loves to win argument Naturally combative or frustrated or angry Annoyed with leader or someone else COPING Be fair... accept difference of opinion as natural Avoid taking sides Find points of agreement Control your temper Designate another time DEBATE TEAM BEHAVIOR

SIGNS Uses put-downs Tells ethnic, racial or sexist jokes Humor has underlying meanness COPING Name what you see Don’t laugh Establish kindness policy DON RICKLES CLONE BEHAVIOR H OSTILE -A GGRESSIVE B EHAVIOR

S ENDING C LEAR M ESSAGES WHAT you say7% HOW you say it38% WHAT is seen55% COMMUNICATION ESSENTIALS