1. Dealing with Difficult People

2. OBJECTIVES Following completion of this session you will be able to:
Identify three types of difficult people
Identify methods for dealing with difficult people
Develop your own category
Discuss dealing with difficult parents/guardians
Discuss the acronym CLEAR for dealing with difficult parenting situations
Develop an acronym for personal use in dealing with difficult youth or parents/guardians

3. Six Types of People
In life, there are six types of categories many people fall into, especially in group settings:

4. The Know-It-Alls Characteristics: Strategies: Self-appointed experts
Speak with great authority about subjects they may know little about
Believe they have all the answers
Feeling they have the facts makes them feel powerful
Strategies:
Help them see other points of view
Don’t challenge their knowledge
Paraphrase back what they said, seeking understanding
If you object, ask questions…do not accuse or point fingers

5. The Passives Characteristics: Strategies:
Silent and unresponsive at times
Don’t want to be blamed for a wrong answer
Afraid of making enemies or saying something incorrect
Can often possess hidden agendas
Strategies:
Get them engaged with smaller groups
Pause to allow more them for them to respond if desired
Ask open-ended questions, not ‘yes’ or ‘no’ questions
Don’t ‘call them out’…wait for them to engage
Provide positive reinforcement when they do engage

6. The Dictator Characteristics: Strategies:
Very strong sense of what others should feel, do and say
Have to prove they are right in all situations
Feel threatened by new suggestions and ideas
Rule by “It’s my way or the highway” mentality
Strategies:
Use ‘I feel’ statements when responding to them
Be respectful but still stand for what you believe in
Use eye contact and a confident posture when speaking with them, especially in group settings
Validate that you understand and acknowledge their point of view
Offer concrete plans for action, not just ideas

7. The ‘Yes’ People Characteristics: Strategies:
Will agree to anything asked of them
Typically never able to follow through on tasks
Often give excuses
Want everyone to get along, don’t like disagreements or confrontations
Strategies:
Let them know you do not expect miracles, but do expect tasks to be completed
Allow them time to speak and be honest without negative repercussions or accusations
Work with them to find a win-win solution

8. The ‘No’ People Characteristics: Strategies:
Always see problems, never solutions
Focus on negative things rather than positive things
Often tear others down or shut down creative processes
Unable to ‘think outside the box’
Strategies:
Confront their negativity with positive comments
Don’t engage them in an argument
Don’t try to convince them they are wrong
Ask “What’s the worst that could happen”
Never make them feel isolated or that everyone is against them

9. The Griper Characteristics: Strategies:
Use a whining tone that blames and/or accuses others
Often play the role of a victim
Want solutions to problems but rely on others to solve problems
Personal motto “I told you so…”
Strategies:
Stay positive and realistic in situations
Avoid arguments and stick to the facts
Never apologize for their actions or behaviors
Ask them what they hope to accomplish with their complaints

10. Quick Strategies
Dealing with difficult people can be very draining. Whatever the situation, you should work to prepare yourself, even with quick strategies like the following:
Inner Shield – Keep the negative out
Words – Keep them powerful, skillful and defend your point of view
Negotiation – Work for win-win; use active listening and do not point fingers
Humor – Keep comments general, not directed toward anyone or any groups; use to appropriately defuse tense situations

11. Team Activity
Working as a team, you will need to complete the following steps:
Your team is responsible for creating a NEW category of people (cannot duplicate those already mentioned). Your brief-out will need to include the following:
Title/name of your new category
Characteristics of those who ‘fit’ this category
REMEMBER: Specific names of individuals not allowed
At least a 2-minute presentation to the large group

12. Difficult Parents/Guardians
Teachers, coaches and friends are not the only difficult people we may encounter in our lives. What about our parents/guardians? How many times have you wondered…
Why can’t they just see things from my point of view?
Why do they always have to make such a big deal about everything?
Why are they always checking up on me?
Why can’t they just let me live my life?
ANSWER: Because they love you and care about you and always want to ensure you are safe, happy and healthy!

13. CLEAR Model
The following model can help us when dealing with all types of difficult people. You just need to remember CLEAR:
C: Connect…
Work to find something you have in common
Show genuine care and concern
Focus on positives rather than negatives

14. CLEAR Continued… L: Listen… E: Empathy…
Focus on what the person is saying
Paraphrase statements back to them, seeking understanding
Avoid interrupting
E: Empathy…
Focus on their words and feelings
Work to understand their point of view
Avoid personalizing statements or attacks

15. CLEAR Continued… A: Acknowledge… R: Request…
Seek first to understand, they to be understood
Do not diminish their feelings or thoughts
Value their contributions
R: Request…
Ask versus demand
Engage in open communication; using control only causes resentment and resistance
Upon completion of request, follow-up with personal ‘thank you’

16. Team Activity
As a team, you are going to develop your own acronym for dealing with difficult people. You team will have approximately minutes to…
Develop their acronym
Create a team poster (using provided materials)
Present acronym and poster to larger group

17. OBJECTIVES Following completion of this session you will be able to:
Identify three types of difficult people
Identify methods for dealing with difficult people
Develop your own category
Discuss dealing with difficult parents/guardians
Discuss the acronym CLEAR for dealing with difficult parenting situations
Develop an acronym for personal use in dealing with difficult youth or parents/guardians

18. What questions are there at this time?