1. Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
Working with Difficult People
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

2. Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
Let’s Know……
Why people are difficult
Types of difficult behavior
Coping skills and techniques to help you communicate
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

3. Why Are People Difficult?
Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
Why Are People Difficult?
People feel
Rushed — not enough time
Insecure
Angry
And have some need or interest
Stressed!!!
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

4. Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
Scenario 1
Set up as a encounter between two members of the audience. The goal is to come to some reconciliation about the Admin’s work load.
Company Owner/Operator
You hired the administrative assistant about 3 months ago. This person was highly recommended as efficient and excellent worker. You have given the secretary several jobs over the past week which have not been completed. As the owner/operator of this small company, you feel everyone has to give 150% to make your company “a winner.” And you are very concerned. You normally are very aggressive and confrontational in your management style. You know you could have had all the task done by now. You have a presentation at a professional organization tonight and you hand the admin your notes and ask for a PowerPoint presentation by 5 pm. You also make a comment that you feel that work time is not be used well and don’t understand why everything takes so long to do.
Administrative Assistant
You are a very effective administrative assistant in a small company and have worked there for about 3 months. You are well organized and get a large amount of work accomplished each day. However, your boss keeps assigning you tasks that are not job essential and take a considerable amount of your time. Two of incidental tasks are 1) keeping coffee made for all the office and the warehouse folk and 2) turning the lawn sprinklers on and off each afternoon. You spend 2-1/2 hours a week doing all these small, but time consuming tasks. Because you are concerned about how you are spending your time, you have been keeping a job log for the past 2 weeks.
The boss has just walked in and assigned you another job, and is complaining that you don’t seem to get enough done. The boss seems upset and accuses you of mismanaging your time.
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

5. A Difficult Person Can Be ...
Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
A Difficult Person Can Be ...
Hostile-Aggressive
Know-It-All
Yes-Person
Whiner
Never-Say-A-Word
Indecisive Staller
No-Person
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

6. Hostile Aggressive AKA “The Tank”
Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
Hostile Aggressive AKA “The Tank”
Bullies their way toward the results they want.
Belittles you in front of anyone.
Tries to convince you that you are doing a poor job when you are doing fine.
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

7. Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
The Know-It-All
Controls people and events by dominating conversation with lengthy, imperious arguments.
Tries to find flaws in everything.
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

8. Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
The Yes-Person
Answers “Yes” to every request without thinking about what is being promised .
Has deep-seated anxiety and a lot of resentment.
Seeks approval and avoids disapproval.
And even if all the promises can be kept, the Yes-Person no longer has a life!
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

9. Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
The No-Person
Able to defeat big ideas with a single syllable
Deadly to morale
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

10. Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
The Whiner
Avoids taking responsibility.
Wants sympathy.
Has negative view of the world.
It’s important for these people to get their opinions across. If you ignore them, they increase their protests.
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

11. The Never-Say-A-Word AKA “The Clam”
Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
The Never-Say-A-Word AKA “The Clam”
Timid, uncomfortable, and uncertain.
Wants to avoid conflict or hurting anyone.
Often feels angry because “the wrong decision” was made.
Some can’t relate authentically or speak honestly.
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

12. The Indecisive Staller
Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
The Indecisive Staller
Could be an overwhelmed “Yes-Person.”
Could be a procrastinator.
Has reservations about the project.
Doesn’t organize or prioritize work.
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

13. Difficult Person :Coping Plan
Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
Difficult Person :Coping Plan
1.Assess the “Situation”
2. Stop wishing they were “different”!
3. Get distance between you and the difficult behavior
4. Formulate a plan for interrupting the interaction
5. Implement strategy
6. Monitor coping process
7. Modify or abandon plan, if necessary
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

14. Dealing with “The Tank”
Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
Dealing with “The Tank”
If possible, get them to sit down.
Don’t back down. Let them vent. Don’t take it personally. Step away from the emotion.
Identify their issue–the facts of the matter.
Explain benefits of your point of view. Express your side in factual terms.
Allow aggressor to “save face.”
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

15. Dealing with the Know-It-All
Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
Dealing with the Know-It-All
Know your facts. Be prepared.
Listen carefully and paraphrase the main points.
Use questions to raise issues.
If necessary, subordinate yourself to avoid static and commit yourself to building a more equal relationship in the future.
Don’t be intimidated, or let them take over the meeting.
Do listen to them and try to benefit from their knowledge.
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

16. Dealing with the Yes-Person
Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
Dealing with the Yes-Person
Work to get to the underlying issues.
Tell how much you value them as people.
Give them permission to say “No.”
Ask them to tell about any aspect of your product that is not as good as the best.
Listen to their humor -- hidden messages?
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

17. Dealing with the No-Person
Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
Dealing with the No-Person
Work to get to the underlying issues.
Find out the reason for disagreement
Show the other side
Show the benefits
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

18. Dealing with the Whiner
Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
Dealing with the Whiner
Don’t respond if they are blaming you. Don’t sympathize if they are at fault.
Make a list of all complaints from constant complainers before you discuss problem.
Make sure the facts are correct.
Make the Whiner propose solutions to fix the problem.
Avoid getting dragged down into their despair.
Don’t try to argue Negativists out of their pessimism.
After you worked at length with no success, be ready to take action on your own. Announce your plans to do this without equivocation.
Beware of eliciting negativistic responses from highly analytical people by asking them to act before they feel ready.
Don’t try to become their protector.
Do ask them for suggestions to improve the situation. They need practice giving positive ideas.
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

19. Dealing with “The Clam”
Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
Dealing with “The Clam”
Try to draw them out about topics that are non-threatening.
Ask open-ended questions.
Wait for a response -- calmly. (Don’t fill the silence with your chatter.)
If you get no response, comment on what’s happening. End your comment with an open-ended question.
Wait as long as you can, then comment on what’s happening and wait again. Try to keep control of the interaction by dealing matter-of-factly with “Can I go now?” and “I don’t know.” responses.
When the Never-Say-A-Word opens up, be attentive and watch your own impulse to gush.
If the Clam stays closed, avoid a polite ending. Terminate the meeting yourself and set up another appointment. Inform the Clam what you must and will do since a discussion has not occurred.
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

20. Dealing with the Staller
Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
Dealing with the Staller
Help document their goals and deadlines
Listen for indirect words, hesitations.
Ask them how you can help them achieve their goals.
Follow up on intermediate deadlines. Hold them to the deadlines.
Make it easy for them to tell you what is preventing their action.
Make it easy for Stallers to tell you about conflicts and reservations that prevent decisions.
When you have surfaced the issues, help Stallers formulate decision
You may be the reservation! If so, acknowledge any past problems; state relevant data nondefensively; propose a plan, ask for help.
If you are not part of the problem, concentrate on helping Staller examine facts. Use the facts to place alternative solutions in priority order. This makes it easier if the Staller has to turn someone else down.
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

21. Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
Scenario 2
Each table should roll play the 3 parts. Have tables report to group their successes or failures. Goal is to have a successful project kickoff.
Project Leader
You have been assigned a large, new project (XYZ product) which requires a new, innovative approach from the writers on your team. The department manager has assigned several writers to the project, including two who are excellent writers. Both writers have made substantial, creative contributions to the department and to the company. They keep abreast of new technology and have wonderful, practical ideas on how new technology can be implemented. However, these two writers have very different styles of working, and both have very strong, opposing ideas on the “right way” to do things. They frequently exchange barbs in staff meetings. The manager thought it would be a good idea to have both of these people on the team. The manager’s aim was to force them to work together to come to a mutual agreement on this new project.You were picked as project leader because of your years of experience. You are a low key person who has had success when working with difficult engineers.
Technical Writer 1
You are delighted that you have been picked to design the technical publication deliverables for the new XYZ product. You are confident that your years of experience and innovative thought were keys to why you were picked. You feel you are a natural teacher and, with little prompting, will tell everyone how to get the job done the right way. You love new design and are always on the bleeding edge of technology and new methods. You have won awards for several of the doc sets you have produced in the past. You are firmly committed to producing the best.
Technical Writer 2
You are very pleased to have been chosen to be on the team to help design the new set of publication deliverables for the new XYZ product. You have been very successful in working with engineering and are acknowledged as a usability expert, both with the company products and the supporting technical documentation. Through your quiet, determined efforts significant innovative changes have been implement in both the products and the tech pubs department. You normally dislike confrontation and tend to remain on the side lines in group situations. Yet there is something in Technical Writer 1 that really irritates you and you consider TW 1 to be a loud mouth know-it-all. You know your ideas are very different from TW1, but have a proven track record of working successfully. You have tried several times in the past to express your concerns to TW1, but TW1 only wants to talk about the next new project. When TW1 goes on a lecture spurt, you tend to make sarcastic asides to the person sitting next to you.
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

22. Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
And What About You...
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

23. It’s All About ATTITUDE!
Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
It’s All About ATTITUDE!
You are not going to change THEM.
You will have to work with THEM.
You are the one who can make the change.
Make it happen!
Be Positive
Three kinds of people --
People who make it happen
People who watch it happen
People who wonder what happened
View the people you encounter as your customers. They don’t think they are being unreasonable. They feel they have right to their opinions. They don’t have to change. They expect you to change.
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

24. Principles of Human Behavior
Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
Principles of Human Behavior
All people are motivated .
You cannot motivate others ; you can provide the environment, skills, etc.
People do things for their reasons, not ours.
We are all different... Relationships should complement and complete each other.
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

25. Communication Is The Key...
Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
Communication Is The Key...
Be clear about what is to be done.
Be clear about who is to do it.
Two parts to the message
Speaker has an image
Listener has an image
Are they the same?
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

26. Offline Coping Techniques
Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
Offline Coping Techniques
Don’t take their behavior or words personally.
Write down details of what annoys you.
Think about why it annoys you.
Which of your buttons does this person push? Why do you respond to them in the way you do?
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

27. Offline Coping Techniques (continued)
Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
Offline Coping Techniques (continued)
How would you like to respond? List the advantages of different responses.
Monitor yourself.
Give yourself positive feedback when you succeed in not getting caught up in the emotions of difficult people.
Be a happier person by handling all those you encounter with charm and grace.
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr

28. Working with Difficult People
8/20/02
Some Final Tips
Give support where needed.
Be an information broker.
Learn to keep it light.
Don’t forget to smile.
STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr