Bramwell solutions Mark Bramwell Assertiveness –Techniques for the not so confident

Bramwell solutions Objectives  Concept of Assertiveness  Components of Assertiveness  Impact of not being Assertive  Role of Assertiveness in your career  Obstacles to remove  Realizing change!

Bramwell solutions What is Assertiveness?  A method of communication  Seeks to increase the probability of successful outcomes  Is relevant to all aspects of our life:  Work  Social situations  Relationships  Critical encounters  Everyday interactions

Bramwell solutions Assertive Behaviour  Defined by behaviour that is:  Direct  Honest  Polite  Persistent RESPECT

Bramwell solutions Assertiveness Involves  Direct and honest expression of one’s feelings, needs and wants, beliefs and opinions… ….about what is relevant and appropriate!  In a way that neither threatens or punishes another person  In a manner that does not involve undue anxiety or fear

Bramwell solutions The ‘Intelligent’ Response  Fight or flight are the easy options  Assertiveness is the intelligent learnt response  Are we born assertive?  Are some predisposed to being Assertive?  Can you teach an old dog new tricks?

Bramwell solutions Assertiveness Truths Assertiveness is:  Based on respect – for self and others  Focused on win/win outcomes  Focused on long-term relationships  Can be appropriately strong and persistent  Solutions focused

Bramwell solutions Assertiveness Myths Therefore it is not:  About getting your own way  Dominating others with your opinion  A tool of manipulation  Something to only use when you feel in the mood… …Comfortable? Threatened? Inferior? Superior? Tired? Wide awake? Grumpy? Up for a fight?! Etc etc

adopting an ASSERTIVE communication style often requires a re-examination of our communication beliefs

Bramwell solutions Assertiveness Myths The internet is a wonderful source of information, but beware of the ‘tips’ you may find!  Humour – “Oh dear, I goofed again”  Not Engaging - “Never apologize, never explain”  Status Manipulation - “I am so stupid I can’t do this: you’re so clever can you help me?”  Agreement - “You are right, I’m bad at this. You’d probably better off using someone who is good at this” Consider why the above are not ASSERTIVE

Bramwell solutions Are you Hurting Your Career? Not speaking out and expressing our ideas and opinions in a constructive manner has the potential for numerous negative impacts:  Lack of recognition  Do not realize full potential  Lack of self respect  Lack of respect from others  Self esteem issues  Self fulfilling prophecy!

difficult people difficult situations

Bramwell solutions What Stops Us?  Why don’t we speak out?  Fear of failure  Fear of getting it wrong or misreading a situation  Don’t know how  Defeatist self talk  Prior experience  Lack of self-insight  Can’t be bothered?

Bramwell solutions Negotiation & Conflict Resolution  Assertiveness underpins several key components of conflict resolution and negotiation:  Constructing a win/win dynamic  Understanding deeper drivers  Empathy  Tabling ideas and opinions in a non-accusatory manner  Being clear and direct  Outcome/solution focused  Cooperative power – power with… not power over!

Bramwell solutions Making the Assertive Shift  Understand the difference between Assertive, Non- assertive and Aggressive behaviours  Honestly and critically review your own behaviour  Recognise what your behaviours are – when, where and with whom  Develop skills and techniques to increase assertive behaviours and reduce the others

Bramwell solutions Developing Empathy There are some simple but critical steps: ASK a question LISTEN to the reply PROVE YOU HEARD the reply As appropriate – GIVE FREE INFORMATION and REPEAT

Bramwell solutions A Consistent Message Assertion requires you to make sure your… WORDS match your… …TONE of voice, which in turn matches your… …BODY LANGUAGE

Bramwell solutions Removing Obstacles To be truly assertive, we must deal with a number of potential obstacles:  Our SELF IMAGE  Our STRESS and our ability to cope with stress

Bramwell solutions To Sum Up  Be honest with yourself  Critically review your behaviours  What will achieve long term gains and respect?  Avoiding and not expressing your opinion is a short term gain  Aggression is a short term gain  Assertiveness achieves long term gains  Assertiveness achieves valuable change and improved relationships  Constantly review and reflect  Do not slip into bad behaviours!

Mark Bramwell Ph: (03) Mob: