Dating and Courtship

Courtship Allows people to ‘win’ the affection of those to whom they are attracted Most societies have ‘rituals’ - men have to prove their ability to being able to provide and women be the ‘alluring’ and nurturing

In Canada? Are there still courtship rituals in today’s modern Canadian society?

Early Canada In early Canadians followed the British system – men had to leave ‘calling cards’ with families that they wished to visit Young ladies and their mothers had ‘at homes’ where young men were invited to tea Each young man was expected to compete for the young lady’s attention

Bundling In agricultural communities, the practice of bundling occurred Because of the distance between farms etc, afternoon visits were difficult, so families practiced ‘bundling’ The young couple were allowed to be tucked into bed together – with a board in between, in order to ‘get to know’ each other However the result was that almost 1/3 of brides were pregnant on their wedding day!

Dating During the 2oth century, the concept of dating began Young people would meet at church or community events, such as dances etc and went out initially in larger groups of friends By the 1920s men began taking the initiative and asking women out and paying for the event 1930’s – the idea of ‘going out’ meant you were an exclusive couple but not necessarily discussing marriage

1950s – Western idea of ‘romantic love’ – dating, falling ‘in love’ and then marriage “Market experience perspective” – dating was effective because you could get to know the person , judge their character etc and then decide on the characteristics that you were looking for in a ‘mate’ Bernard Murnstein – individuals pass their dates through a series of ‘filters’ to screen out unacceptable partners and to select someonemre like themselves

Murstein’s Filter Theory Bernard Murstein explained the relationship among dating, social homogamy, and social exchange as a multi-step process. He uses the analogy of ‘sifting’ to suggest that individuals pass their dates through a series of ‘filters’ to screen out unacceptable marriage partners. This process of filtering leads an individual to only let one acceptable partner through, which ultimately leads to marriage.

Field of Eligibles Who is out there, the general population Propinquity Filter Who is close to us. An available group to choose from. (proximity ) Attraction Filter (Physical Attraction/Personality) • Judgment based on appearance and individual characteristics

Homogamy Filter (Age, Race, Education, Socio-Economic Class, Religion) • Judgment based on how similar these factors are to the individual Compatibility Filter (Temperment, Attitudes and Values, Needs, Roles, Habits • Judgment based on similarities of these more intangible qualities Trial Filter (Cohabitation, Engagement) • Statement of commitment here. Test of the compatibility of all previous filters.

Decision Filter Final decision is made here to see if individual is the right choice Marriage

So what does dating have to do with Marital Success? According to Martin King Whyte, not much He found no correlation between dating experience, length of dating, engagement, degree of premarital intimacy, and marital success In dating, you have to decide yes or not on one person at a time He found that marriages are slightly less successful with more dating experience – it increases an individual’s expectations and therefore it is more difficult to make a choice or feel ‘satisfied’ in a relationship

If Dating is not an indicator of marital success, what is? Actually, love Whyte found that being in love when you marry is the best indicator of marital success The process of getting to know someone is increasingly, in our society, being combined with sexual intimacy before marriage To the point that , if you think about Sternberg, the expression of passion through sexual activity precedes the development of intimacy and commitment to the relationship

The 21st Century courtship behaviour of Canadians have changed Cohabitation and the delay in marriage are changing society’s norms The idea of ‘being with someone’ seems to always have a sexual connotation or expectation of that happening The text book speaks of a shift from ‘competing’ to win someone’s affection to being very selective about what the other has to offer There is a much less formal pattern of courtship today – and it is a much more complicated process