1. Theories of Mate Selection
Attraction
Theories of Mate Selection

2. What attracts us to another person?
Assignment: Read the article, “The Science of Falling in Love”
Answer the following questions in your notebook.

3. According to scientists, what is the source of romantic love?
What is meant by “the meet?” Where would this occur?
Explain the three primordial networks.
What is lust? How does it help in selecting a partner?
What is the problem with the brain networks? Explain.
What is a love map? Explain how it works.
How is romantic love defined in this article?
Explain what researchers have found out about how love affects the brain.
Why do people in love fall victim to obsessive thinking? What does this mean?
How is love similar to drug addiction?
How does love change over time?
What is the triangle theory of love?
What are cuddle chemicals? How do they affect relationships?
What is the incentive to maintaining a loving relationship?
List the suggestions made by Helen Fisher for maintaining a loving relationship.

4. Attraction Quiz
HowStuffWorks "Quiz: What goes on in your brain when you're attracted to someone?"

5. Mate Selection: Understanding Attraction
Scientists who study human behaviour take a detailed, elaborate approach to developing theories of mate selection. Their research has produced several useful theories. No one theory explains all relationships, but each one gives insight into what causes people to choose as they do.

6. Theories of Attraction
Homogamy – “like attracts like”
Homogamy means sameness. This explanation for attraction says that people choose partners who are more like them than different from them.
Often from the same race, religion or culture.
Often around the same age, similar education levels, socio-economic backgrounds and family type.
Often enjoy doing the same kinds of things which is often how they meet.

7. Theories of Attraction
Complementary Needs – “opposites attract” This theory suggests that people select others who complement (complete) and meet their personality needs. Each partner’s psychological strength balance the traits of the other. For example, an outgoing emotional person may be attracted to someone who is thoughtful and serene.

8. Theories of Attraction
Social Exchange According to this theory, a satisfactory relationship is one where people feel that they gain from or in which the rewards outweigh the costs of being in the relationship. People ask themselves what they want in a mate, in terms of material resources, personal qualities and skills. Then they look at what they can offer in return. You tend to choose someone who brings you the best “package” of practical and emotional rewards at a fair cost to yourself. People select and develop those relationships that give the most “value.”

9. Theories of Attraction
Propinquity Propinquity is nearness in time or place. People are more apt to meet, get to know and stay with others who are physically close by. Same city or same college provides an opportunity to meet. Long-distance relationships are costly and difficult to keep going.

10. Theories of Attraction
Ideal Mate Theory According to this theory, people have a mental image of an ideal mate, based on appearance, character or other traits. They measure potential partners against this ideal and are most attracted to those who come close to “perfection.” Often the image is based on parents. A person may idealize the parent of the opposite gender – or the exact opposite, depending on how that person feels about the parent.

11. Track Your Attraction .

12. Track Your Attraction activity
Step One
Take a moment and think about what you are attracted to when thinking of a romantic relationship.
Physical Attributes
Personalities
Interests
Attitudes
Values
Goals
List at least twenty qualities that come to mind.

13. Track Your Attraction activity
Step Two
Review your list of qualities - trace the origin of your attraction in the table on the right.
Column 1 “F” – Is this quality something your father possesses?
Column 2 “M” – Is this a quality your mother possesses?
Column 3 “Y” – do you possess this quality ?
Column 4 “*” - Do you admire this quality?
Column 5 “B” – Should both partners have this quality?
Count how many you have in each of these four columns in the last row of the table.
Rank your top five qualities

14. Track Your Attraction activity
Step Three
What does the list tell you?
What does the origin table tell you?
Analyze your responses and write a page.
Things to include:
1. Discuss what you learned about yourself in looking for the perfect mate. Be sure to mention why you have chosen these qualities and why they are important for you.
2. What was your most common origin? What does it tell you about yourself?
3. Why is it important to look at the origins of the qualities you find attractive?
4. Which theory of attraction does your list of qualities represent? Explain why you say that.

15. Mate Selection Discussion Questions
Write a paragraph predicting how people might choose their partners in the year 2060.
How much influence do family members have on mate selection (parents)? Should they influence? How important is it that your parents like who you date?
Do you think most people are conscious of weighing costs and rewards in a relationship? Identify some qualities in a partner that might be rewarding (intellect, attractiveness). Identify some qualities in a partner that might be costly (irritability, living away).
What is your opinion on people who look for the ideal mate? How might expectations based on an ideal mate interfere with building a relationship?

16. Mate Selection Discussion Questions
Which of the theories of attraction do you believe best explains why people are attracted to each other? Support your choice.
Some people say that differences make a relationship interesting. How true is that? Opposites attract sometimes at first, but what about long term?