1. INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS (Theories of Attraction & Mate Selection)
Unit 3

2. Courtship
In societies that permit free-choice mate selection, courtship allows individuals to win the affection of those to whom they are attracted
In courtship rituals in all societies, men display their resources to show they have the potential to be good providers and women display the qualities that make them sexually desirable and nurturing

3. Courtship
In Canada, courtship is a term from the past that no longer applies to relationships in the 21st century
Courtship rituals in North America have evolved over the last two centuries and have varied according to social class

4. Courtship
In early Canada, young, middle-class women might invite men to call on them when they were “at home”
A young man would leave his calling card if the young woman was not seeing visitors, in the hope that he would be invited back
Families would make discreet inquiries about the social and economic suitability of the callers
REFER TO WEBSITE

5. Courtship
A young woman, with her mother as chaperone, might receive several visitors who would understand that they were expected to compete for her affection
Later, as a sign that she had made her choice, the young woman might be left alone with one man

6. Courtship
The young couple would be tucked into bed with a “bundling board” between them so that they could have private conversations without sexual contact
However, it was reported that during the 1700s, about one third of brides were pregnant on their wedding day

7. 20th Century Courtship
In Canada, during the 20th century, courtship evolved into the informal social invention of dating
Early in the century, young people met at church or community events and went out together to socials in groups
By the 1920s, men began to take the initiative by asking women out and by organizing and paying for the activity

8. 20th Century Courtship
Since women could accept or reject the invitations, the choice of activity and the amount of money spent indicated to them the social and economic resources the men had to offer
In the 1930s, “going steady” meant a couple had an exclusive relationship but were not necessarily discussing marriage

9. 20th Century Courtship
As a result of the consumer society and the growing affluence of young people in the 1950s and 1960s, couples were able to spend money on entertaining recreational activities and dating became an opportunity to spend time together for pleasure and romance
Teenagers began dating earlier and it became a common recreation during later adolescences

10. 20th Century Courtship
By the 1950s the Western ideal was that dating would lead to falling love and becoming a couple
There was less awareness that it was a process of choosing a suitable marriage partner

11. 21st Century Courtship
Many young couples no longer date in the formalized way of their parents’ generation
The use of expressions such as “hooking up” or “seeing someone” to describe a relationship suggests a more casual approach to forming a couple relationship
Some couples consider cohabitation to be part of the mate-selection process, while others feel that cohabitation is an alternative to marriage

12. 21st Century Courtship
There appears to have been a shift from competing to win someone’s affection to being selective about what the other has to offer for the type of relationship desired
Many individuals who are ready to marry find that their field of eligible partners that have not already been rejected may be quite limited

13. 21st Century Courtship
It is becoming more common for individuals to initiate some kind of arrangement and enlist the help of others to find potential partners for them
Ex. Matchmakers & online dating

14. 21st Century Courtship

15. 21st Century Courtship

16. 21st Century Courtship

21. Speed Dating
Write down 10 questions you would ask someone on the first date.
You will have about 5 minutes for each “date”
When the lights dim, rate how compatible you think you are with your date.
1=not compatible, 10=very compatible
Move onto your next “date”

22. Mate Selection & Marital Success
The preference for free-choice marriage in North America suggests that dating experience leads to greater marital success
Bernard Murstein’s Market Experience Perspective suggested that dating was effective because it enabled individuals to learn to relate to another person and to judge character so that they would be able to determine personal qualities they desired in a marriage partner

23. Contemporary Marriages
Sociologists estimate that only 10% of today’s marriages in the world are truly monogamous
Polygyny and polyandry are more desirable by many people in the world but few people today can afford these marriages
Serial monogamy (marriage to several spouses one after the other) is a result of divorce

24. Contemporary Marriages
With immigration comes new ideas of marriage that disrupts the norms of Canadian marriage
Increase in cohabitation and divorce rates suggests concern about whether marriages are meeting individuals’ needs
However, newlyweds in most societies expect their own marriage will be for life regardless of the divorce rate

25. Evolutionary Psychology & Attraction
Evolutionary psychology is a branch of anthropology
Explains that the origins of sexual attraction today can be traced back to our prehistoric ancestors
Sexual attraction is an unconscious choice, individuals seldom consciously control whom they find attractive

26. Evolutionary Psychology & Attraction
Adaptive behaviours: strategies that enabled individuals to compete successfully for limited resources, to survive, to reproduce and to raise children
Adaptive behaviours gave individuals an evolutionary advantage
The theory of natural selection explains that individuals with an evolutionary advantage passed on their genes and their culture to the next generation

27. Evolutionary Psychology & Attraction
David Buss (American anthropologist and evolutionary psychologist)
“those who fail to mate, fail to become ancestors”
Humans today have inherited the unconscious mating strategies that made our ancestors successful

28. Evolutionary Psychology & Attraction
Anthropological evidence showed that attraction preferences in the past ensured that children were born and survived to adulthood to produce
Helen Fisher identified adaptive behaviours for sexual attraction

29. Evolutionary Psychology & Attraction
Women preferred to mate with men who had the resources to be good providers for themselves and their children because women were unable to both care for infants and gather enough food
Men preferred to mate with women who could bear healthy babies who could feed their children and who had the intelligence and temperament to raise them well
(Helen Fisher)

30. Evolutionary Psychology & Attraction
Prehistoric men formed lasting relationships because women could refuse sex until they got what they wanted or needed in evolutionary terms
Children raised without a father were poorer and could not compete well in prehistoric society because they had less food and did not learn the necessary skill
(Helen Fisher)

31. Evolutionary Psychology & Attraction
David Buss concluded that not much has changed about sexual attraction today
Individuals are still attracted to the person with whom they can raise the most successful children with
Men are attracted to physically appealing, younger and healthy women; women who appear to be fertile

32. Evolutionary Psychology & Attraction
Buss determined that in all societies women seek to “marry up”
Women are attracted to good providers
Women are twice as likely as men to be attracted to an older mate with financial resources, even when they have substantial financial resources of their own

33. Evolutionary Psychology & Attraction
Women are attracted to men who are healthy, intelligent, well-educated, hard-working and ambitious because these qualities enable men to be successful providers for their families in the long term
In all cultures men and women wanted mates who were intelligent, kind, understanding, dependable and healthy
Both seek the qualities that enable them to form satisfying and enduring relationships

34. Social Homogamy
Explains how individuals are attracted to people from similar social and cultural backgrounds so that they share social, cultural and economic values and lifestyle expectations
Highest correlations found in age, race, ethnic background, religion, socio-economic status and political views

35. Social Homogamy Education is a major factor in social homogamy
Canadians are likely to marry someone with the same level of educational attainment
Social homogamy helps to ensure that couples are compatible

36. Social Homogamy
Similarity of backgrounds makes it more likely that couples will share common expectations for their relationship and their lifestyle, will manage their shared resources more efficiently and with less conflict, and will be able to raise children more easily
Couples who have similar backgrounds are more likely to raise their children according to their cultural expectations

37. Social Homogamy
Two people who have similar beliefs about the roles of husband and wife and who share similar expectations for their family life will enjoy each other’s company and will be more likely to fall in love
Since most parents wish their children to have happy and lasting marriages and to pass on their cultural heritage to their children, social homogamy is also the basis of mate selection in societies that practice arranged marriages

38. Ideal Mate Theory
Explains attraction from a symbolic interactionist perspective
Attraction is based on an individual’s unconscious image of the ideal mate formed from their own perceptions of the meaning of certain characteristics

39. Ideal Mate Theory Supports the concept of love at first sight
Everyone has an unconscious ideal with which they compare a person to find him or her attractive or to make the immediate judgment of the person as lovable

40. Ideal Mate Theory Supports social homogamy
Perceptions of an ideal mate are formed from pleasant experiences with other individuals in childhood, usually from a person’s family or from people within the community who are similar to oneself
Individuals also react to negative experiences by identifying unattractive characteristics that they perceive will be unacceptable, the “deal breakers” for a successful marriage

41. Attraction as Fair Exchange
Individual preferences determine who is attractive as a potential mate, but finding someone appealing does not guarantee that the feeling is mutual
Individuals must compete with others to win the hand of the man or woman of their dreams

42. Attraction as Fair Exchange
Social Exchange Theory suggests that attraction is based more on reality than fantasy
Almost everyone, regardless of how attractive they might be, finds a mate in their society because individuals are attracted to different people so they don’t all search for the same ideal mate
People assess the resources they have to offer and look for the best possible mate who will be attracted by these resources

43. Developmental Theories
Individuals are not able to relate to someone else without understanding first who they are and what their roles in life are
Individuals are not capable of a fully intimate relationship until the identity crisis of the transition to adulthood is resolved
Committing to intimate relationships earlier would result in defining identity through the relationship

44. Developmental Theories
Levinson and Erikson suggest women are more likely to define themselves through their connections with others and may develop a committed relationship as part of forming their identity
Men prefer to retain more independence in their relationships and therefore might delay forming committed relationships until their life structures are established

45. Older Men & Younger Women
Men marry younger women worldwide
The average age difference for Canadian men and women is 2 years (one of the lowest in the world)
The age difference can be explained by evolutionary psychology
Older men who have proven resources are considered more desirable by women in all societies
Younger women are considered more sexually desirable by men

46. Older Men & Younger Women
Social Exchange Theory suggests that younger, more attractive women have greater resources to offer older, successful men
Conflict and Feminist Theories suggest that a match between an older man and a younger woman ensures that the man has greater resources and that the younger woman will need his resources to acquire an improved lifestyle, the age difference is necessary for men to maintain a dominant status in a patriarchal marriage

47. Older Women & Younger Men
Since women now have increased financial potential and extended fertility, they might prefer to marry younger partners

48. Mate Selection & Marital Success
Bernard Murstein explained the relationships among dating, social homogamy and social exchange as a multistep process
He used the analogy of sifting to suggest that individuals pass their dates through a series of “filters” to screen out unacceptable marriage partners and to select those who are similar to themselves

49. Mate Selection & Marital Success
As the relationship becomes more serious and the individuals get to know each other, the filters become finer until only one person passes through it for readiness to marry

50. Murstein’s Filter Theory
Field of Eligibles
Propinquity Filter
Attraction Filter
Homogamy Filter
Compatiblity Filter
Trial Filter
Decision Filter
Marriage

51. Mate Selection & Marital Success
Martin King Whyte tested the hypothesis that dating experiences lead to successful marriages by conducting extensive interviews about dating with couples in Detroit
The results of his study found no correlation between dating experience, length of dating, engagement, degree of premarital sexual activity and marital success

52. Mate Selection & Marital Success
Whyte argues against Murstein’s Market Experience Perspective by explaining that mate selection is not like buying a car, since you cannot “test drive” various partners at the same time
If you decide on one you tried before, they might have moved on to someone else and not be available

53. Mate Selection & Marital Success
In free-choice mate selection as it is practiced through dating, you have to decide “yes” or “no” to one person at a time
The fact that marriages are slightly less successful with more dating experience could also suggest that it increases an individual’s expectations and makes it more difficult for the person to make a choice or to feel satisfied in a relationship

54. Mate Selection & Marital Success
Dating is not an indicator of marital success, but love is
The 2nd conclusion of Whyte’s Detroit study is that being in love when you marry is the best indicator of marital success

55. What is Love?
Robert Sternberg, an American psychologist, interviewed hundreds of men and women who said they were in love and analyzed their responses to determine the qualities of romantic love and to distinguish between romantic love and friendship
Sternberg determined that romantic love has 3 “faces”: passion, intimacy and commitment

56. Robert Sternberg
Passion, a strong feeling of sexual desire for another, develops the most quickly of the three. This probably results from a biological drive to reproduce.
Ex. Romeo and Juliet
The intense friendship of intimacy develops more slowly, as each individual shares his or her experiences, thoughts, and feeling with another and becomes willing to meet the other’s psychological needs

57. Robert Sternberg
Commitment to maintaining the relationship grows as the rewards of being in this relationship instead of in others become evident and individuals accept reciprocal roles and mutual interdependence
Sternberg chose to represent love as a triangle so that relationships with various proportions of passion, intimacy and commitment could be depicted by varying the length of the sides

58. Sternberg’s Love Triangle
COMMITMENT
INTIMACY
PASSION

59. Sternberg’s Love Triangle
Love relationships based on intimacy require the individuals to fully appreciate each other’s uniqueness and separateness
A companionate relationship requires an understanding of what one has to offer another and what one needs from another in return

60. Stages of Marriage
Although early marriages usually live up to people’s expectations at first, many couples become disappointed because marriage gets more difficult during the first 5 years
There are 3 predictable stages of a marriage

61. Stages of Marriage
Relationships are romantic, warm and respectful, focusing on exploration, sexual attraction and the idealization of the partner. Individuals build self-esteem as they try to develop the relationship that suits their life structure.
Conflict arises as individuals become more demanding to meet their own needs. This results in instability in the relationship and requires both partners to change their behaviours. Individuals feel let down because the relationship is less rewarding.

62. Stages of Marriage
The key to surviving Stage 2 is to recognize that being honest about one’s own needs develops intimacy within the relationship and enables the partners to develop reciprocal roles to meet the needs of each other and of the relationship
Discussing with one’s partner how to solve problems reflects mutual interdependence and a commitment to the relationship

63. Stages of Marriage
Couples compromise and negotiate a relationship that meets their needs as well as possible. The relationship becomes more realistic, mature and stable.
Relationships were much improved if they were able to achieve Stage 3

64. Stages of Marriage
At each stage, individuals are transformed as they respond to their partner and adjust to the more flexible roles they play in the maturing relationship
Commitment to the relationship, essential for adjusting the relationship, is less evident in cohabitation

65. Arranged Marriages
In the past and in many societies today, the selection of a mate or life partner, was considered too important to be left to young and inexperienced individuals
In collectivist societies, marriage is seen as an alliance between families because the children of that union are the grand children of both families

66. Arranged Marriages
When families place a higher value on family and culture than on individual need in collectivist societies, and expect close family interaction, the choice of a spouse who will fit into the family is important
Some societies that believe divorce is harmful to children, parents and the extended family prefer arranged marriages, since they remove the complications of romantic love, sexual attraction and recreational dating from mate selection

67. Arranged Marriages
Some religions teach that parents have a sacred duty to ensure that their sons and daughters have a good marriage
Since most parents wish their sons and daughters to have happy and lasting marriages and to pass on their cultural heritage to their children, social homogamy is the basis of mate selection in arranged marriages

68. Arranged Marriages
In cultures where arranged marriage is the custom, parents are expected to ensure that their sons and daughters approve of the partner who has been selected for them
Arranged marriage should not be confused with forced marriage, where young men and women – or children – are forced into marriage against their will, it is customary now for the individuals to have an opportunity to get to know each other before the marriage takes place

69. Arranged Marriages
Perhaps arranged marriages are more durable because the parents made wiser choices of partners
On the other hand, individuals might make a stronger commitment to marriage when it is a formal arrangement between families and in the community

70. Arranged Marriages
Although it is not clear why the divorce rate is lower in arranged marriages, couples who have similar backgrounds are more likely to manage their shared resources efficiently and with less conflict, and to raise children more easily according to their cultural expectations
The expectation that love will develop after marriage seems to be the reality for couples in arranged marriages

71. Intermarriage
Intermarriage or heterogamy means marriage between partners who are from different social, racial, religious, ethnic or cultural backgrounds
Opposite of homogamy
Intermarriage is more common in Canada’s urban communities
There are no restrictions on intermarriage in Canada

72. Intermarriage/Heterogamy
The more successful a society becomes at raising children to be “colour blind” and in an environment where diversity and multiculturalism are the norm, the more likely it is that young people will meet, be attracted to and fall in love with someone from a different background
The differences, if there are any, between individuals of different races, religions, or ethnic backgrounds exist in their personal family lives

73. Interracial Couples
Interracial marriages are the most visible form of intermarriage
Canadian couples in interracial unions are more likely to be cohabiting rather than married
Interracial couples adjust to marriage as well as any couple does
The major challenge of interracial marriage is raising a biracial child, because it requires that the couple must first reflect on the role that race plays in determining their own identities

74. Interfaith Couples
Faith, unlike race, is a chosen attribute, as it is possible to convert to another faith
Partners in interfaith relationships may have a similar economic and educational background, but their family and cultural experiences might have been quite different

75. Interfaith Couples
Couples who respect each other and are willing to compromise can find ways to share their lives
However, individuals from different faith backgrounds have to choose whether to compromise some of their beliefs and customs or to accept their spouse’s beliefs and customs as well as their own

76. Interfaith Couples
The couple must also decide what faith identity to provide for their children
Interfaith marriages are more likely to succeed if at least one partner does not practice their religion or is willing to convert

77. Interethnic Couples
Marriage between individuals of different ethnic backgrounds is perhaps the most complex form of heterogamy
Ethnicity can be a complex mixture of national and racial heritage, religion and culture
In Canada, where many people are “hyphenated Canadians” or have 2 cultures, self-identification as a member of an ethnic group suggests that an individual adheres to the specific value system, family structure and role expectations that are associated with that ethnic group

78. Interethnic Couples
The major variations among ethnic groups involve gender roles within marriage and in the workplace, the independence and responsibilities of children and the relationship between the conjugal and extended family
Each of these affects how a couple will negotiate their relationship at each stage

79. Divide up into 5 groups.
Choose an article.
Read the article with your group.
In your groups come up with a question that will generate discussion.
Be prepared to share your article with the rest of the class.

80. Unit 3 Test – Material Covered
Chapter 6 Board Notes
The Origins of Marriage photocopied package
Marriages, Intimate Relationships & Society (Unit 3 – Chapter 6) Power Point
Intimate Relationships (Theories of Attraction & Mate Selection) Unit 3 - Chapter 7 Power Point
Intimate Relationships (Theories of Attraction & Mate Selection) Unit 3 - Chapter 7 (Continued) Power Point

81. Unit 3 Test – Format
Section A: 10 Multiple Choice Section B: 5 Short Answer Questions