Introduction Communication Breakdown

93% of all daily communication is nonverbal 7% of any message is conveyed through words 38% through certain vocal elements 55% through nonverbal elements (facial expressions, gestures, posture, etc) http://www.nonverbalgroup.com/2011/08/how-much-of-communication-is-really-nonverbal/

Definition Communication is the process of sharing information, thoughts, or feelings.

Ways to communicate Verbal: “I” Messages Tone of voice Non Verbal: Active Listening Assertive Body Language Eye Contact

Non Verbals Folded arms in front of a person may mean they’re feeling defensive or closed off. Lack of eye contact may mean they’re not really interested in what you’re saying, are ashamed of something, or find it difficult to talk about something. Louder, more aggressive tone may mean the person is escalating the discussion and is becoming very emotionally involved. It might also suggest they feel like they’re not being heard or understood. Someone who’s turned away from you when talking to you may mean disinterest or being closed off.

“I” Messages A statement that expresses your feelings, but does not blame or judge the other person. Avoids: putdowns, judgment, and assigning blame. Providing effective feedback to someone includes: Describing the behavior The feeling the behavior creates The effect that the behavior has

Avoid “you” to avoid putting blame “I” Messages “You” Messages I feel angry when people call me names I feel hurt when no one asks what I want to do. I feel suspicious when someone tells me one thing, then I find out they are doing another I feel angry when you call me names. I feel hurt when you don’t ask me what I want to do. I get suspicious when you’re telling me one thing then find out you’re doing another.

“You” messages can say… Immediately concentrate on the personal attack It is similar to using “but” in an argument “I agree with you but…” then list the reasons why you do not agree. INSTEAD “When people talk about me as if I am not even there, I feel powerless and useless” “When I am picked on by others, I feel this rage in my guy and just want to rip something to pieces”

It was my understanding that.. Because… The basic behavior and effect messages Use a feeling and effect message I need….because… I expect… because… It was my understanding that.. Because… I think….because I feel… because…

REMEMBER HAVE A PURPOSE! What are you trying to get across in the conversation? Are you mad? WHY? What do you want the outcome to be? Have solutions

ASSERTIVENESS AGGRESSIVE PASSIVE ASSERTIVE Holding back your true feelings and going along with the other person Communicate opinions and feelings in a way that seem threatening or disrespectful to other people Able to stand up for yourself while expressing your feelings in a way that does not threaten the other person