“Let’s Talk” Lesson 10

Intent = Impact

Intent doesn’t always = Impact

Process of Communication Send Receive

“I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure what you heard is what I really meant.”

Process of Communication Receiving Sending Feedback Processing Processing

Sending and receiving messages more clearly are skills that can be developed with PRACTICE. First, become aware of what INTERFERES with messages!

Filters are things that get in the way when people talk to each other.

A filter is an interpretation of another person’s message based on their own experiences and expectations.

Most filters are Learned. Filters are how We See Things. Filters can be Conditions About Us. Everyone has filters and uses them, often Subconsciously.

Common FILTERS: Conditions about us Inattention/Distractions (ex.: age differences) Inattention/Distractions (phone, noise, thinking about/doing something else.) Emotional States (frustrated, worried, stressed, excited, etc.) Self-Protection (in denial, defense, hiding issues or info)

More FILTERS: 5. Beliefs & Expectations 6. Differences in style (silence = Doesn’t care, “useless” to discuss things) 6. Differences in style (more, or less, verbal, doesn’t show feelings easily, etc.) 7. Gender (men & women have different ways of communicating.)

communication combine to create meaning. Verbal & Non-verbal communication combine to create meaning.

Verbal Skills Focus attention on making statement that build self-worth in others Build others up, rather than tear down When others feel better about themselves, they in turn become better listeners

Examples of confirming comments: Acknowledgment of the thoughts, actions, or feelings of another person. Being able to empathize with feelings being expressed by someone else Clarifying responses by asking questions or gaining more information Directing an agreeing response which allows the other person to feel validated Expressing positive feelings – encouragement, support or genuine praise

Non-Verbal Communication Cues Outward signals that broaden another person’s understanding of what is being said. Behaviors that do not rely on written or spoken language to create meaning

How important are nonverbal messages? A 1st impression may be based more on someone’s nonverbal message They have a major impact on how family members interpret each other’s behavior

How important are nonverbal messages? 3. Are the primary way people communicate feelings, attitudes, and emotions 4. Are more BELIEVABLE than verbal messages (they are harder to hide)

Listening…. Are you?

Listening involves: Selecting what we want to hear from all the sounds that surround us Attending to or focusing on specific information coming our way Understanding what we hear by relating it to something we know Remembering what has been said

Things in the way of listening: Information overload; can’t take it all in Wrapped up in personal concerns; can’t focus on others Outside distractions (ex. phone) Deciding something is not worth listening to

“We have been given two ears and but a single mouth in order that we may hear more and talk less.”

Guidelines for listening: Be attentive to the speaker Make eye contact Be sensitive to feelings the speaker my be expressing verbally or non verbally Let the speaker finish his/her statements before you answer

More Guidelines for listening: Avoid being judgmental – you don’t have to agree with the other person in order to listen to them Designate a future time for the conversation if too busy at the moment to listen Make the arranged appointment a priority

9 TYPES OF Nonverbal Communication Facial Expressions surprise fear disgust contempt anger sadness happiness

9 TYPES OF Nonverbal Communication Facial Expressions Gestures Paralinguistics Body Language and Posture Proxemics Eye Gaze Haptics Appearance Artifacts

Nonverbal Communication