Chapter 14 Developing and Maintaining Relationships: From Formation to Dissolution

Learning Objectives 14.1 Characterize the importance of interpersonal communication competence. 14.2 Identify the stages of relationship development and growth. 14.3 Identify the stages of relationship deterioration and dissolution. 14.4 Explain what interpersonal conflict is, what causes it, and why it can be beneficial, as well as strategies to manage and resolve it. 14.5 Apply effective interpersonal communication skills and competencies in personal and professional relationships.

Interpersonal Communication Competence (1 of 2) Learning Objective 14.1: Characterize the importance of interpersonal communication competence.

Interpersonal Communication Competence (2 of 2) Researchers have found that five skills lead to competence in interpersonal communication: The ability to adapt and know how to communicate in specific situations The ability to adapt and appropriately communicate in specific interactions The ability to understand your own and the other person’s values, beliefs, attitudes, or feelings The ability to self-monitor The ability to be fair and ethical

Relationship Formation (1 of 5) Learning Objective 14.2: Identify the stages of relationship development and growth.

Relationship Formation (2 of 5) Interpersonal Attraction Interpersonal attraction is the desire to interact with someone based on a variety of factors. Physical Attributes: We observe things about people that provide positive or negative information. Communication and Attraction: Similarity is a much stronger basis for attraction than are differences. Chemistry or Physical Attraction: We are often most attracted to individuals who support us and have similar interests, attitudes, likes, and dislikes. Meeting Online: Online interactions are generally assumed to lack many typical characteristics of face-to-face discussions.

Relationship Formation (3 of 5) Relationships: Initiation or Coming Together Communication scholars Mark Knapp and Anita Vangelisti believe that relationships must go through stages of growth and patterns of communication. Initiating: Individuals meet for the first time. Experimenting: This stage requires risk because little is known. Intensifying: This stage marks commitment and involvement. Integrating: This stage offers a sense of togetherness. Bonding: The final stage offers a public announcement of the commitment.

Relationship Formation (4 of 5) Relationship Management Strategies (1 of 2) Positivity Communication behaviors make others feel good or comfortable around us. Those who communicate this way are more fun and pleasant to be around. Openness An open person is willing to self-disclose thoughts and feelings. That person shares needs and wants in regard to relationships. Assurances Verbal and nonverbal behaviors demonstrate commitment to another. This implies the relationship has a future.

Relationship Formation (5 of 5) Relationship Management Strategies (2 of 2) Blending Social Networks Common friends help a couple bond the relationship. Sharing Tasks Each person does his or her fair share of the work. Sharing tasks requires effort and energy to make the relationship work.

Relationship Dissolution (1 of 4) Learning Objective 14.3: Identify the stages of relationship deterioration and dissolution.

Relationship Dissolution (2 of 4) Signs That a Relationship Is in Trouble Aggressive behavior Lies Betrayal

Relationship Dissolution (3 of 4) Relationships: Coming Apart or Breaking Up Knapp and Vangelisti offer a list of stages a relationship goes through when coming apart. Differentiating: Differences between people are highlighted. Circumscribing: Information exchange is reduced. Stagnating: The relationship reaches a standstill. Avoiding: Physical or emotional distancing mark this stage. Terminating: Individuals take necessary steps to end the relationship.

Relationship Dissolution (4 of 4) Duck’s Phases of Dissolution Communication scholar Steve Duck offers an alternate theory about how relationships dissolve. The Intrapsychic Phase: People begin to internally assess their dissatisfaction with each other. The Dyadic Phase: Those in the relationship discuss the status of the relationship. The Social Phase: Relationship difficulties become more public within the context of friends, family, etc. The Grave-Dressing Phase: Each partner gives an account of why the relationship ended.

Interpersonal Conflict (1 of 7) Learning Objective 14.4: Explain what interpersonal conflict is, what causes it, and why it can be beneficial, as well as strategies to manage and resolve it.

Interpersonal Conflict (2 of 7) Conflict is an expressed struggle between at least two independent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in achieving their goals.

Interpersonal Conflict (3 of 7) What Causes Conflict? Conflict occurs on many different levels, in all aspects of our lives. Conflict is a natural and normal part of any relationship. Faulty communication is a social factor that can lead to conflict. A faulty attribution, such as errors concerning the causes of others’ behaviors, is another social factor that may lead to conflict. Another cause of conflict is faulty perceptions and our tendency to perceive our own views as objective and reflective of reality but to perceive others’ vices as biased or not based in reality. Finally, personality traits or characteristics can lead to conflict.

Interpersonal Conflict (4 of 7) Does Conflict Have to Be Destructive? When the resolution of a conflict ends with a winner and a loser When individuals act too aggressively, when they withdraw from each other, when they withhold their feelings from each other, or when they accuse each other of causing their problems When it prevents us from doing our work or feeling good about ourselves When it forces us to do things that we do not want to do When the outcome is more important than the relationship When conflict is a form of bullying and there is a power difference between parties

Interpersonal Conflict (5 of 7) When Is Conflict Beneficial? It can bring out problems that need to be solved. It can bring people together to clarify their goals and look for new ways to do things. It can eliminate resentments and help people understand each other. It can bring out creativity in solving our differences. It can produce acceptable solutions that allow people to live more in harmony with each other. It can help people pay attention to other points of view. It can bring new life into a relationship and strengthen it.

Interpersonal Conflict (6 of 7) What are useful Strategies for Conflict Management or Resolution in Interpersonal Relationships? Withdrawing: Removing ourselves from the situation. Accommodating: One person does not assert his or her own needs but rather prefers to go along to get along. Forcing: One person has dominance and power over another. Negotiating: This is a give-and-take process that leads to each party having some satisfaction and some dissatisfaction with the outcome. Collaboration: Requires cooperation and mutual respect; both parties arrive at a mutually satisfying solution.

Interpersonal Conflict (7 of 7) Relational Repair Strategies Engage in more open and honest communication and exhibit a willingness to listen to the other person with an open mind. Be willing to bring out the other person’s positive side. Evaluate the potential rewards and costs for keeping the relationship together versus the rewards and costs for changing or ending it. Seek out the support of others to help keep the relationship together. Both parties must be willing to focus on the positive aspects of their relationship. Both parties must be willing to reinterpret the other’s behaviors as positive and well intentioned. Both parties have to be willing to reduce negativity and keep a balanced perspective.

Improving Communication Competence in Relationships (1 of 3) Learning Objective 14.5: Apply effective interpersonal communication skills and competencies in personal and professional relationships.

Improving Communication Competence in Relationships (2 of 3) Establish Supportive and Caring Relationships Establishing supportive and caring relationships is important to our well-being, and the process is generally easier when communication is both positive and supportive. Nurture a Supportive Environment Positive and supportive communication occurs in open, flexible, warm, animated, and receptive environments.

Improving Communication Competence in Relationships (3 of 3) Invite More Communication Many of us listen to others express their feelings and then immediately express our own. Skilled and caring communicators do not usually respond immediately with ideas, judgments, or feelings or express their own views.