1. Communicating in Interpersonal Relationships7
Communicating in Interpersonal Relationships

2. Communicating in Interpersonal Relationships
Basic Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication
Intimacy, Interpersonal Relationships, and Communication
Interpersonal Attraction
Community and Relationship Development
Maintaining Ongoing Intimacy through Responsible Self-Disclosure

3. Communicating in Interpersonal Relationships
Relationships are created, expressed, altered, strengthened, weakened, postponed, reaffirmed, or terminated through communication

4. Basic Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication
“The easiest kind of relationship for me is with 10,000 people. The hardest is with one.” —Joan Baez, singer

5. Basic Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication
Interpersonal communication occurs when individuals treat each other as unique and interact in an individual or customized way

6. Basic Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication
Interpersonal Communication Is Personalized
The personalized nature of interpersonal communication reflects the responsiveness of the communicators to each other
Interpersonal Communication Occurs in a Relationship
Interpersonal messages are heavily influenced by the nature of the relationship between communicators

7. Basic Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication
Interpersonal Communication Is Influenced by Culture and Gender
Recognizing both the gendered expectations that we place on others and the ways that individuals vary in their interaction styles can help us meet our communication goals and accommodate the needs of others

8. Basic Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication
Think It Over
Learning From Relationships
Can bad relationships also help us to become better people?
What can you learn from the breakup of a relationship?
How can a bad relationship hinder self-esteem?

9. Intimacy, Interpersonal Relationships, and Communication
The nature of the communication varies greatly in mood, formality, and purpose depending on the closeness or level of intimacy in the relationship
Intimate interpersonal relationships are characterized by high levels of trust, warmth, and affection
Breadth refers to the width of the relationship, or how many different contexts communications experience with each other

10. Intimacy, Interpersonal Relationships, and Communication
The nature of the communication varies greatly in mood, formality, and purpose depending on the closeness or level of intimacy in the relationship (continued)
Depth of a relationship refers to the amount and type of interaction you have with another person
Social penetration theory states that we disclose and discuss more personal information as our relationships become more intimate

11. Intimacy, Interpersonal Relationships, and Communication
Figure 7-1. Social Penetration Theory
To reach the intimate core of a relationship, you must first “peel away” the outer layers.

12. Interpersonal Attraction
Exploring Communication Concepts
Technology and Human Contact in Relationships
What communication technologies do you use, and have they replaced face-to-face interactions?
How can you increase the intimacy of your communication when using communication technologies?
When might the use of or other technologies increase rather than decrease communication opportunities?

13. Interpersonal Attraction
Liking Those Who Are Similar
Interpersonal similarity occurs when we share common attitudes, values, habits, and communication styles with other members of a relationship
Similarity also validates our view of the world

14. Interpersonal Attraction
“It's only through our relations with others that we Come to believe in our own capabilities and inner goodness.” —Joan Borysenko, psychotherapist and biologist

15. Interpersonal Attraction
Liking Those Who Are Familiar
Social proximity refers to “social closeness”; we are often attracted to people who live near us, belong to the same groups or organizations, or attend the same school
At least two studies have verified that our relationships often emerge from those in close proximity

16. Interpersonal Attraction
Applying Communication Concepts
New Relationships
How do interpersonal similarity and social proximity work together when forming new relationships?
Why do people go on blind dates?

17. Interpersonal Attraction
Liking Those We Find Attractive
Physical attraction occurs when we are attracted to someone’s appearance through such attributes as facial features, height, body type, and hair color
Attractiveness is the idealized appearance of physical attributes, what we visualize as the “perfect look”

18. Interpersonal Attraction
Liking Those We Find Attractive
As we get to know other people’s attitudes, beliefs, sense of humor, likes and dislikes, and other aspects of who they are, we often find them more attractive

19. Community and Relationship Development
Stages of relationship development are patterns or life cycles that relationships pass through as they develop or deteriorate

20. Community and Relationship Development
Coming Together
Initiating involves meeting another person and initiating communication
Experimenting stage is characterized by the exploration of mutual interests and circumstances
Much of the experimenting stage involves the discovery of integrating topics, areas of common interest which both parties enjoy discussing
Intensifying stage is represented by an increase in the breadth and depth of the relationship

21. Community and Relationship Development
Figure 7-2. Stages of Relationship Development
Relationships go through states of “coming together” and “coming apart.”

22. Community and Relationship Development
Exploring Communication Concepts
Who Says, “I Love You” First?
Besides saying “I love you,” how can you tell if someone is committed to a relationship?
Have you used secret tests to determine your partner’s commitment in a relationship? Did they work?
Why might such indirect or secret tests be necessary?

23. Community and Relationship Development
Coming Together (continued)
Integrating—as relationships develop, the people in them may begin to integrate numerous activities, coordinate daily schedules, and develop common interests, attitudes, and values
We also explicitly discuss the nature of our communication and engage in more metacommunication—communication about communication
Bonding and Ongoing Intimacy occurs as we make long-term commitments to the relationship

24. Community and Relationship Development
“Kindness and intelligence don't always deliver us from the pitfalls and traps; there are always failures of love, of will, of imagination. There is no way to take the danger out of human relationships.” —Barbara Harrison, writer

25. Community and Relationship Development
Coming Apart
Differentiation
At a certain point in a relationship, we begin to take note of the differences that exist between our partner and ourselves
Circumscribing
If a relationship continues to deteriorate, we may begin to circumscribe it by reducing the breadth and depth of the relationship significantly

26. Community and Relationship Development
Coming Apart (continued)
Stagnating
In this stage, interaction flattens out and stops growing in either direction
Avoiding
In the avoidance stage, the separation becomes physical as partners actively avoid any face-to-face contact
Terminating
In the terminating stage, we negotiate the end of the relationship

27. Community and Relationship Development
Unique Developmental Patterns
Every relationship develops in unique ways and follows different paths through the stages
Turning points are particular events, feeling, or interactions that change the direction or intensity of a relationship

28. Maintaining Ongoing Intimacy through Responsible Self-Disclosure
Self-disclosure is the act of revealing one’s personal thoughts, preferences, feelings, and experiences to another person within the context of an interpersonal relationship (Jourard 1964; Dindia and Fitzpatrick, 1997)

29. Maintaining Ongoing Intimacy through Responsible Self-Disclosure
The Advantages of Self-Disclosure
Builds trust
Friend’s acceptance of your disclosure without reveling the information to others further justifies your trust and increases the likelihood of additional disclosure
The Risks Inherent in Self-Disclosure
Any disclosure of personal information makes you more vulnerable and raises the possibility of hurt feelings or even rejection

30. Maintaining Ongoing Intimacy through Responsible Self-Disclosure
When is Self-Disclosure Appropriate?
Choose the Appropriate Context for Disclosure
Go slowly and Disclose Gradually as the Relationship Develops
Respond in Kind
Use Disclosure to Benefit the Relationship

31. Maintaining Ongoing Intimacy through Responsible Self-Disclosure
Figure 7-3. Qualities of Responsible Self-Disclosure

32. Maintaining Ongoing Intimacy through Responsible Self-Disclosure
“I think it is almost self-evident that you cannot love another person Unless you know what (s)he needs. And you cannot know what (s)he needs unless (s)he tells you.” —Sidney M. Jourard, clinical psychologist

33. Summary
Interpersonal communication is interaction among a small number of people and is characterized by more personal and individual communication than takes place in lager groups
High levels of trust, warmth, and affection characterize an intimate relationship
Interpersonal similarity, proximity, and physical attributes all affect the degree to which we are attracted to someone

34. Summary
Through communication, we establish, maintain, and end relationships
Self-disclosure can build trust and commitment in a relationship and is necessary, in some degree, to maintain ongoing intimacy