1. Chapter 6 Understanding Ourselves and Others
Communication
Embracing Difference Fourth Edition
Dunn and Goodnight
Chapter 6
Understanding Ourselves and Others
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2. Understanding Ourselves and Others...
Content and Relational Messages
Content Message
The obvious message sent (verbal)
Relational Message
The message that is sent by tone of voice, body language, or use of space (nonverbal)
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3. Intimacy... Physical Two people share a private bond
Sense of closeness and trust
Not limited to sexual activity
Physical closeness exists between mother and child, athletes, or close friends
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4. Intimacy... Emotional Created through self-disclosure
Share feelings for one another and they are reciprocated
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5. Intimacy... Intellectual
It is the intimacy that is shared when abstract concepts, or other intellectually challenging ideas, are discussed.
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6. Intimacy... Spiritual
People who share their strong faith in God or a higher power
These partners may attend religious services or groups to foster this spiritual journey.
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7. Types of Social Power
The “potential for changing attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors of others”
Coercive Power
Reward Power
Legitimate Power
Referent Power
Expert Power
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8. Power Powerlessness Empowerment
We feel we have no say in the relationship or the other is making all the decisions.
Empowerment
The ability to make choices. A relationship based on mutual respect and equality.
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9. Stages of Relationship Development
Insert Figure 6.1
Page 9
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10. Stages of Relationship Development... Coming Together
Initiating
Experimenting
Intensifying
Integrating
Bonding
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11. Stages of Relationship Development... Coming Apart
Differentiating
Circumscribing
Stagnating
Avoiding
Terminating
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12. Self-Disclosure Within Relationships... Johari Window
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13. Benefits of Self-Disclosure
Increased understanding of ourselves
Ability to express our feelings
Increased likelihood that others will be more open with us
The end result … Our understanding of our interpersonal relationships grows
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14. Cautions of Self-Disclosure
Trust is a pre-requisite for self-disclosure
We want the other party to:
Be an uncritical listener
Show support and understanding
Be willing to share his or her own feelings with us
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15. Interpersonal Needs Theory
Inclusion
Undersocal – Oversocial – Ideal individuals
Control
Abdicrats – Autocrats – Democrats
Affection
Underpersonal – Overpersonal – Personal
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16. Cost-Benefit Theory Premise:
Do the rewards outweigh the costs of the relationship?
Rewards can include: emotional, psychological, financial, physical
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17. Conflict Within Relationships... Interpersonal Conflict
According to Frost and Wilmot (1978), it is an “expressed struggle between at least two or more people who perceive incompatible goals....”
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18. Conflict Within Relationships... Factors That Contribute
Denial
Our refusal to acknowledge that a problem exists
Creates frustration for the person seeking to resolve the problem
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19. Conflict Within Relationships... Factors That Contribute
Suppression
We acknowledge that a problem exists, but we minimize its importance
We fear confronting the problem will be too difficult or painful for us
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20. Conflict Within Relationships... Factors That Contribute
Aggression
Using intimidation techniques to force the other party into a resolution that is clearly more advantageous to us.
Passive aggression is a more subtle and covert form of aggression.
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21. Conflict Within Relationships... Factors That Contribute
Status
Using one’s status in a relationship to achieve your desired outcome
The status can be either achieved or dictated by society
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22. Improving Our Efforts to Resolve Conflicts
Deal with feelings
Examine our own feelings concerning the problem
Helps us to better understand the root of what is making us feel angry, hurt, or frustrated
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23. Improving Our Efforts to Resolve Conflicts
Find a special time to meet
Planning a designated time in advance can improve the chances of managing conflict.
Both partners should have a chance to first think about the problem.
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24. Improving Our Efforts to Resolve Conflicts
Keep the discussion focused on the problem
Avoid attaching our partner, friend, or co-worker and focus on the observable behavior that is bothering us
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25. Improving Our Efforts to Resolve Conflicts
Use perception checking and empathetic listening
Empathy means being able to look at something from the other person’s position
Being sensitive and supportive will encourage the other party to express his or her feelings more freely
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26. Improving Our Efforts to Resolve Conflicts
Find a solution for both parties: be flexible
Have the ability to adapt to a variety of situations.
There is more than one way to work through a conflict.
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