1. Mana 30303 Entrepreneurial Leadership Stuart Youngblood Tandy Hall 166D Phone: 817-257-7562 E-Mail: s.youngblood@tcu.edu 5/13/2015 1

2. Overview: Covey’s Public Victory Habits Habit 4: Seek Win-Win Habit 5: Seek First to Understand; Then To Be Understood Habit 6: Synergize 5/13/2015 2

3. Habit 4: Think Win-Win Definition The journey from individual success to ‘collective success’ with those you lead or work with. The ultimate goal is to create synergy where the final outcomes are greater than the sum of the individual parts (mutual gains or win-win thinking). 5/13/2015 3

4. Competition Many of our social, political, & economic systems are based on competitive principles Social – only one football team can win the game Political – only one candidate can win the election Economic – private enterprise, the market determines winners and losers Principle = Scarcity 5/13/2015 4

5. Competition When is competition appropriate … and NOT? When the rules of the game make room for only one winner. By definition, there must be a loser. –BLU Ray vs. HD-DVD; VHS vs. Beta –Apple vs. IBM –USA vs. Germany in WW II –Barack Obama vs. John McCain; vs. Mitt Romney? Most of us have been conditioned to compete out of HABIT, but we need to learn how to compete out of CHOICE 5/13/2015 5

6. Win – Win Mindset Basic Principle is ABUNDANCE, not Scarcity. Synergy – making the whole greater than the sum of its individual parts. By working together, we can make the pie grow larger so that we both get a bigger slice (mutual purpose). It is not always possible to achieve win-win outcomes. Prerequisites: –Willingness & ability to work together –Moderate trust & common objectives – Courage to accept “no deal” 5/13/2015 6

7. Relational Thinking Consideration of the wants & needs of others- through inquiry High Courage Low Courage High ConsiderationWin-WinLose-Win Low ConsiderationWin-LoseLose-Lose Courage to advocate for what you want 5/13/2015 7

8. Win-Win Mindset Search for solutions that make you and the other person better off in the long run Few limits to size of pie – abundance mentality Characteristics: Seeks mutual benefit, acts cooperatively, listens more, stays longer in tough conversations, willing to compromise without giving up what you really want Language: “We” What do we need to make this work for us? What new ways can we think about this? How do we make things better? 5/13/2015 8

9. Win-Lose Mindset Concerned about self first … and last! The world is a zero-sum game … I must make sure that I get my slice of the pie at your expense Characteristics: Uses position power, credentials, force of personality, superior experience to win; often authoritarian & dogmatic in the use of power Language: “I” This is all I’m willing to do, take it or leave it, I’m not going settle for less than…, It’s my way or the highway!” 5/13/2015 9

10. Lose-Win Mindset Scarcity mentality … a small pie and someone else determines who gets a slice People who have high consideration for others but who lack the courage to say what they want Characteristics: makes few demands on self or others; is quick to please/appease; buries feelings when getting the short end of the stick Language: “YOU” No “real” communication; agreeable, acquiescent; but often resentful. Seldom expresses opposition openly 5/13/2015 10

11. Lose-Lose Mindset “There ain’t no pie…just a bunch of crumbs” Shows little courage or real consideration, envious and critical of those who control the pie, puts self and others down … soured attitude Characteristics: Victim mentality, highly dependent mind-set, others have screwed it up beyond repair Language: “THEY” Marked by helplessness, soured, cynical, little hope of things getting any better, nothing is good & its always their fault 5/13/2015 11

12. Habit 5: Seek First to Understand; Then To Be Understood Empathetic Listening 5/13/2015 12

13. Habit 5 Makes Win-Win Happen 5/13/2015 13 Thinking Win-Win is about your Heart (good motives) Doing Win-Win requires Behavior 1. Inquiring (Consideration/Curiosity) Asking (inviting & being curious out loud) Listening (really understanding what the other person wants AND why they want it) 2. Advocating (Courage) How does this fit with what you really need

14. Inquiry 5/13/2015 14 Two key behaviors: 1.Asking the right questions. 2.Deep listening about what the other person values most and why they value it. Question: Why are these two behaviors the foundation of Habit 5?

15. Autobiographical Responses 5/13/2015 15 Giving Advice: Counseling & advising Probing: Asking questions based on your agenda Interpreting: Diagnosing based on your experiences Evaluating: Judging & agreeing or disagreeing with what you hear

16. Use Habit 5 When … 5/13/2015 16 The stakes are high (it is very important to you) The emotions run hot (adrenaline is flowing) The opinions are in opposition (win-lose) What do you typically do in these situations?

17. Habit 5 is Very Hard Because: 5/13/2015 17 “ Win – Lose” is the easy way out, but it is the wrong solution in cases when a lot is at stake Leads to continuing disagreement, ongoing conflict, and no real resolution of the underlying issues

18. Habit 5 Principle 5/13/2015 18 You can’t be efficient with people, only with tasks and processes In dealing with people: Speeding up is slowing down (efficiency) Slowing down is really speeding up (effectiveness)

19. Create the space to ask … 5/13/2015 19 “Are you willing to hang in with me until we can come up with something that we both can agree to, support, and then go execute effectively?” This is seeking MUTUAL PURPOSE! HOW can you do this?

20. Ask Questions 5/13/2015 20 Until you understand what a win looks like to the other person. Distinguish between: My or your Position/strategy: WHAT I want; the “bottom line.” My or your Interest/purpose: WHY I want it; my needs, concerns, & hopes. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Learn what the other person must have to consider it a win

21. Seek FIRST To Understand 5/13/2015 21 What is Your HABIT? Listen just long enough to respond to others based on what is what is most important to you OR Listen long enough to really understand what the other person needs to create a win-win agreement

22. New, Alternative Solutions Can Be Found In… 5/13/2015 22 Exploring the real interests of the parties that are involved in the dispute. i.e., mutual interests = mutual purpose

23. When Purposes Differ, Ask Questions… 5/13/2015 23 What is important to you? What bothers you about this situation? How does this really affect you? It sounds like this matters to you a lot – is that right? What would happen if this occurred? What would you do if you got this? Can we agree on this solution?

24. What Makes This So Hard? You must LISTEN at a much deeper level than you are accustomed to. Even when you try to listen, it is hard to understand what the other party really wants! 5/13/2015 24

25. You Can’t Get To Win-Win… until you find out what a win looks like to the other person! 5/13/2015 25

26. What To Avoid… Traditional Listening Paradigm Listen just enough to jump in and solve the problem. WHO’S problem gets solved? 5/13/2015 26

27. Listening is Not Enough Repeating or rephrasing what you heard: …in other’s words or your own words … Good…but stops short! 5/13/2015 27

28. Power Listening … To Really UNDERSTAND Communicating has two components: Content and Emotion To be really effective, you must hear both of them How do you demonstrate that you have actually heard BOTH of them? Do you see why knowing about your empathy score helps here? Do you try to see others’ perspectives? Do you acknowledge how they may be feeling? 5/13/2015 28

29. Empathetic Listening Rephrase the CONTENT and reflect (mirror) the EMOTION that is expressed by the other person …deep listening! Tell me more about how you really feel about this issue Use your AMPP Crucial Conversation skills: Ask, Mirror, Paraphrase, and Prime 5/13/2015 29

30. Shifts that take place in CC Truth  Perception Different data, different interpretations. Many paths to action possible. Learn them. Intent  Impact Selective use of data. Walk a day in my shoes! Blame  Contributions Get unstuck by mastering your victim, villain, helpless stories. Ask the transformational questions for each of these stories. 5/13/2015 30

31. Habit 6: Synergize Creative Cooperation: making the whole greater than the sum of the parts 5/13/2015 31

32. Requirements The mindset of “Abundance” (Habit 4) Empathetic Communications in the Tough Situations (Habit 5) Creative Cooperation or the willingness to jointly create new alternatives that go beyond the obvious (Habit 6) 5/13/2015 32

33. Synergistic Communications Level of Trust in Others Level of Cooperation with Others Levels of Communication Defensiveness = f(Low Trust & Low Cooperation) Respect = f(Moderate Trust & Cooperation) Synergy = f(High Trust & High Cooperation) 5/13/2015 33

34. Valuing Differences Different Paradigms – “You see it differently than I do, help me understand what you see that I don’t” Creating Something New and Better Usually Starts With BIG Differences in the Initial Perspectives You Must Learn How to Really Value, not Just Tolerate, these Differences! 5/13/2015 34

35. Valuing Differences Starts with seeing differences as useful, not harmful Listening empathetically to the other person’s perspective to learn from them Asking good questions, rather than automatically defending your own perspective Don’t cop out and be satisfied with a compromise Winning is jointly coming up with a superior alternative that neither of you would have come up with on your own 5/13/2015 35

36. Why Is This Important? External Environment is changing very fast Organizations are under tremendous pressure to remain competitive Differentiation is a major source of competitive advantage in many organizations Leaders are dependent on their people to help create new ideas, products, and services 5/13/2015 36

37. Synergistic Leadership Creating a Spirit of Abundance Empathic listening – Understanding What Winning Really Is To Subordinates & Colleagues Valuing Important Differences Aligning Driving & Restraining Forces Creating New & Better Alternatives (Mutual Gains) 5/13/2015 37

38. Alternatives to Synergy Group Think: “This is the way we have always done it & it is the best way” & “We don’t have the power to change it” Compromise: “Let’s Split the Difference” Win – Lose: “I always have better ideas & so it needs to be my way” Lose – Lose: “Since we disagree, nothing constructive can be accomplished” 5/13/2015 38

39. Synergy Start with Heart: Am I seeking mutual purpose? Am I looking for the third alternative that we create instead of the sucker’s choice? Am I willing to STATE my path while exploring others? Can I use my power listening skills (AMPP) to really “see” win-win? What does a “win” look like to both of us? 5/13/2015 39

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