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Effective Listening. 1. _______________________________________ When you tell people that their ideas or feelings are ____________, you are saying in.

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Presentation on theme: "Effective Listening. 1. _______________________________________ When you tell people that their ideas or feelings are ____________, you are saying in."— Presentation transcript:

1 Effective Listening

2 1. _______________________________________ When you tell people that their ideas or feelings are ____________, you are saying in effect that you know more than they do. If your ideas are drastically different from theirs, they’ll either ________________ themselves (_____________)or give up on the conversation. Even positive judgments like, “You’re the smartest student in class,” don’t work if the person you’re talking to doesn’t ______________ very smart. Judging wrong defend argue feel

3 2. _____________________________________ are the most common cause of stalled communication. It’s frustrating to be interrupted in the middle of a sentence, and when interruptions happen over and over again, talking begins to feel like a ___________ of __________. Interrupting and interruptions wastetime

4 3. _______________________________________ Few people enjoy getting unasked-for advice. Statements that begin with, “Well, if I were you..,” or “If you ask me..,” are like _________________ __________. Advice-giving says, “I’m superior. I know better than you do.” Advice can also cause a person to feel ___________________ -- as though one can’t make a good decision on one’s own. Advising - red flags Powerless

5 4. _______________________________________ Some people develop a habit of _______________ everything (including statements) to reveal “deeper meanings.” When you interpret or analyze, you imply an _______________________________ to accept the speaker’s statements just as they are. Interpreting - analyzing unwillingness

6 5. _______________________________________ We all know how frustrating and annoying it is to be in a conversation with someone who always has something ______________ and more interesting to say than we do. In addition, when you ____________________ a conversation, others are forced to use another communication stopper, _______________________, just to get a word in. Dominating - better dominate interrupting

7 6. _______________________________________ Asking a lot of questions (“Why did you go there?” or “Who did you see?” or “What did he do?”) tends to put the speaker on the ___________ by requiring one to explain every statement. More importantly, your questions may lead the speaker _________ _________ what one originally wanted to say. If you ask too many questions, you are ____________________, not _________________ the conversation. Probing - defensive Away from controlling sharing

8 7. _______________________________________ There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to talk with someone who _________________________ everything you say, insists that your ideas are wrong, or states that what happened was your fault. ________________________________ and ____________________________ put the speaker on the spot, and make the speaker _____________. Accusations Challenging/Accusing/Contradicting Contradictions challenges defensive

9 Criticizing/Name Calling/Put Downs. _______________________________________ Don’t make sarcastic or negative remarks in response to the things someone says. __________ whittles away at ____________________. Hardly anyone wants to continue a conversation that’s making them feel bad or small. Even name-calling and put-downs that sound _____________ can still be ____________________. In the long run, they ______________________ friendships. criticism Self-esteem funny hurtful damage

10 Listening is a very important part of _____________________. Listed are characteristics of a good listener. Check ones that describe you most of the time. Good listeners try to understand the _______________________ of the speaker’s words. They also know that the speaker’s message is not just in the __________________ words. They know that other parts of the message are things like the __________________ of voice, the expression on the speaker’s __________________, and the speaker’s ____________________and ______________________. Good communication meaning spoken tone face bodyposture

11 Good listeners are __________________________ listeners. They don’t jump ahead and they give the speaker ______________. They concentrate on _____________________, not on thinking about what the speaker is going to say next or what they are going to say when the speaker is through. Good Listeners look at the person who is talking. Good listeners know that the speaker’s _______________________ matter. They show an interest in what the speaker is saying. They put aside their own ________________________________ for the time being. They realize that they can’t pay attention to someone else when they are thinking about themselves. patient time listening Feelings opinions

12 When they respond, good listeners look for areas of ___________________________ and not weak spots (the opposite of a debater). When they respond, good listeners do not ________________________. When they ask questions, their purpose is to get more __________________________________, not set a trap for the speaker. When they respond, good listeners clear up ______________________before beginning their own talk. agreement interrupt information misunderstandings

13 _______ something is said is often more important than _______ is said. Communication specialists tell us that when we send a message: _______% of the message is communicated through body language; _______% of the message is communicated through tone of voice; and _______% of the message is communicated through words. How what

14 Say it like it is. Remember that the same words don’t bring the same picture to everyone’s mind. So to send a clear message, be as _________________________and ________________________________ as possible with the words you ____________________. specific descriptive choose

15 Try to be sure inside yourself about the message you want to send. Ask yourself, “What am I trying to accomplish?” When you are sure about your message, everything about your (your voice, tone, behavior, etc.) will be ___________________________________. This is sometimes called being “____________.” Ask for ______________________________________. Suppose you’ve given a message to someone and you want to be sure the person got it. You can check with the person in lots of different ways. For example, you can ask, “How do you feel about what I just said?” Consistent real feedback

16 When you want to be understood, send a clear message by following these simple steps: 1. Ask to be listened to: “I’d like to talk to you.” Or “There’s something I want to say.” 2. Look directly at the ____________________. 3. Speak in a clear voice. 4. Be as specific as you can with your words. (It helps to think of what you’ll say before you say it.) 5. Give clear Messages: - Describe the situation - State how you feel - Describe what you want from the other person 6. Ask the listener if he or she understood what you said. 7. __________ the listener. listener Thank

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