Presentation on theme: "interpersonal conflict styles"— Presentation transcript:
1interpersonal conflict styles Tim Dyer John Mark Ministries used with permission
2Personal Styles of Dealing with Interpersonal Conflict Reflect on your own natural tendency and which of these operational styles you may need to acquire They all have their place......
3Bull Forcing My way I win - You lose This is the way! Why waste time on discussion and collaboration – there is a solution lets just get it done.
4Turtle The Turtle Avoiding No way I lose - You lose I’m out of here... The best solution to conflict is to get yourself out of the situationIgnoring the conflict or leaving the conflicted environment.The Turtle
5Fox Compromise Half Way I win some – I lose some Maybe if we are all prepared to give a little we can find a way to get enough of what we need…
6Koala Accommodating / Supporting Your way I lose - You win Staying connected to you is more important to me than being in conflict. I am prepared to back down and support you.
7Owl The Owl Collaborating Our way I win - You win We need to take time and put some energy into working this out so that we find a creative solution where we both get what we need.The Owl
8Personal Conflict Styles Concern for the issueConcern for the relationship
9Personal Conflict Styles The style you use sends a message to others about the value you place on your relationship with them and the value you place on the issueConcern for the issueConcern for the relationship
10Personal Conflict Styles Concern for the issueConcern for the relationship
11When is it appropriate to use the Bull approach? InfrequentlyIn emergenciesTo protect rightsTo exercise justiceWhen compliance can be monitoredWhen all other means have failed and action must be takenWhen an unpopular but necessary course of action must be followed.When is it appropriate to use the Bull approach?
12Costs of using the Bull approach where it may not be appropriate Relationships deterioratePeople feel devaluedSpontaneity / creativity is lostManipulative behaviour developsRebellion simmersMorale decreases
13How to use the Bull approach appropriately if it is required Understand and exercise appropriate authorityAccess external authority if neededBe clear and decisiveBe careful not to portray this as another more participatory style (e.g. by giving the impression the decision is open to negotiation if it isn't)
14When is it appropriate to use the turtle approach? When the issue is quite unimportant or the cost of working it through is higher than the value gained.When the situation is highly volatile and people need to cool down before dealing with a conflict.When people are highly fragileWhen space is neededConflict topics or issues might need to be avoided or ignored when you need to be together with others for another reason but are unable to resolve the conflict.fleeing ignoring avoiding procrastinating
15Costs of overusing the turtle approach High frustration levels because the issues are not addressed and nothing changesPeople feel devaluedBuild up of tension in relationshipsEnergy drain and depressionBecause conflicts are not solved they compound over timefleeing ignoring avoiding procrastinating
16How to use the turtle approach appropriately if it is required Politely leave or withdraw from the conflicted situationUse appropriate stalling, delaying or procrastinating processes if proceeding into conflict is likely to result in people being hurt.Choose to ignore or overlook the conflictConsider communicating your reasons for withdrawing especially if this is intentional and temporaryfleeing ignoring avoiding procrastinating
17When is it appropriate to use the Fox approach? When time is short and an outcome is requiredWhen trust is not completeWhere a compromise outcome is workable and each party has something to give and something to gainWhere parties are able to respond to reasoned and rational discussion
18Costs of using the Fox approach when it may not be appropriate Outcomes are usually less than parties have hoped forThere is often a sense of dissatisfaction in the result and the processCompromise potentially leads to low levels of commitment to the course of action agreed toCompromise can lead to a focus on dealing with symptoms rather than causes
19How to use the Fox approach appropriately if it is required Negotiation skills should be employed.Have moderate expectationsIdentifying each party's interests, values, needs and desired outcomesWorking out how much each party can give to gain a way out of an impasseStart with 50% - 50%, split the difference.....Bargain – I will give on this..., will you give on that.....
20When is it appropriate to use the Koala approach? When the issue is not really yours or is not high on your personal agendaWhen the relationship is important and long-term e.g. Family, close friendship, churchWhen the tension is not a direct result of the conflict and is related to other factors in a person's lifeWhere listening to and supporting the person will allow later movement to a collaborative styleWhen is it appropriate to use the Koala approach?
21Costs of using the Koala approach where it may not be appropriate By supportive behaviour the koala approach sends the message that the issue is not important to them or that they agree with the other.It may lead to resentment and depression if important ideas, values and issues are never addressed.This may be frustrating to others who are looking for a collaborative approach.It may lead to stunted growth of personal gifts and abilities.It can create dependence on othersIt denies others the benefit of healthy confrontationCosts of using the Koala approach where it may not be appropriate
22How to use the Koala approach appropriately if it is required Listen, reflect the feelings of the other, offer pastoral support and care.Give in, placate or acknowledge error if appropriate.Sublimate your own ideas and interests for the sake of the relationship.
23When is it appropriate to use the Owl approach? When the stakes are high and the issue is complexWhen there is time, energy and willingness available to work together constructivelyWhen relationships are important.When parties have well developed interpersonal skillsWhen there is openness to creative 'third-way' possibilities
24Costs of using the Owl approach when it may not be appropriate The owl approach indicates high concern for relationships and high concern for the issue.It is consumes significant time and energy and may be tiring, overwhelming and time-wasting if applied to every conflict or issue.It may distract from everyday operational effectiveness.Microanalysis may be paralysing for an organisation or relationship.
25How to use the Owl approach appropriately if it is required Agree to a collaborative processIdentify, explore and analyse issues, needs, interests, perspectives and desired outcomes.Assert your own ideas while welcoming other views and perspectivesJointly examine the strengths and weaknesses of all viewsAdd value through applying creative strategies (e.g. Thinking hats)Agree on criteria and apply this to making a collective decision
26Interpersonal Conflict Styles Each style has its own benefits and valueEach has drawbacksKnow your natural tendency but also acquire the skills to employ the other styles when neededYour choice depends on the circumstancesAsk:How important is this relationship?How important is this issue?