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Its called Love and its the only thing worth living for Love is the cure for every evil Love is the air that supports the ego Its called Love....and its.

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Presentation on theme: "Its called Love and its the only thing worth living for Love is the cure for every evil Love is the air that supports the ego Its called Love....and its."— Presentation transcript:

1 Its called Love and its the only thing worth living for Love is the cure for every evil Love is the air that supports the ego Its called Love....and its so uncool... Its called Love....and somehow its become unmentionable Later Years Development Lecture 8

2 This lecture Questions to consider after this lecture Q1. Dating in adolescence - whats going on? Q2. Does love influence our personal relationships, or is it something more..... basic? Q3. What is love.... and who is it really about?

3 The Dating Game Adolescence dominated by sexuality First signs of mutual interest Primary school - boys/girls are icky..... best avoided Secondary school - like magnets.....

4 The Dating Game Adolescence dominated by sexuality First signs of mutual interest Primary school - boys/girls are icky..... best avoided Secondary school - like magnets..... Adolescents spend hours/week thinking about romantic partners (actual or potential) What are the functions of dating? Are we driven by romance, or lust?

5 What are the functions of dating? [1] Recreation - dating as an age-appropriate pastime.

6 What are the functions of dating? [1] Recreation - dating as an age-appropriate pastime. [2] Source of status - being the envy of your friends. Is she really going out with him?

7 What are the functions of dating? [1] Recreation - dating as an age-appropriate pastime. [2] Source of status - being the envy of your friends. [3] Socialization - learning how to interact with the opposite sex on a more mature basis.

8 What are the functions of dating? [1] Recreation - dating as an age-appropriate pastime. [2] Source of status - being the envy of your friends. [3] Socialization - learning how to interact with the opposite sex on a more mature basis. [4] Opportunity for intimacy (of the emotional kind!)

9 What are the functions of dating? [1] Recreation - dating as an age-appropriate pastime. [2] Source of status - being the envy of your friends. [3] Socialization - learning how to interact with the opposite sex on a more mature basis. [4] Opportunity for intimacy (of the emotional kind!) [5] Opportunity for sexual experimentation.

10 What are the functions of dating? [1] Recreation - dating as an age-appropriate pastime. [2] Source of status - being the envy of your friends. [3] Socialization - learning how to interact with the opposite sex on a more mature basis. [4] Opportunity for intimacy (of the emotional kind!) [5] Opportunity for sexual experimentation. [6] Friendship.

11 What are the functions of dating? [1] Recreation - dating as an age-appropriate pastime. [2] Source of status - being the envy of your friends. [3] Socialization - learning how to interact with the opposite sex on a more mature basis. [4] Opportunity for intimacy (of the emotional kind!) [5] Opportunity for sexual experimentation. [6] Friendship. [7] Identity formation

12 What are the functions of dating? [1] Recreation - dating as an age-appropriate pastime. [2] Source of status - being the envy of your friends. [3] Socialization - learning how to interact with the opposite sex on a more mature basis. [4] Opportunity for intimacy (of the emotional kind!) [5] Opportunity for sexual experimentation. [6] Friendship. [7] Identity formation [8] Mate sorting - deciding which type of partner you want (Paul & White, 1990)

13 Different Agendas? Paul & Whites 8 functions - are they why young people date? What do young people say? Girls more likely to report interpersonal (i.e., emotional) attraction. Boys more likely to report physical attraction (Feiring, 1996) These are two corners of Sternbergs triangular theory about Love

14 Bizarre Love Triangle? What do we mean by love? Sternbergs triangular theory (Sternberg & Barnes, 1988) Intimacy PassionDecision/Commitment

15 Sternbergs triangular theory [1]Intimacy Being close Disclosing ones self Concern about anothers self Freedom of expression i.e., sharing typically private facets of oneself The idea that love is all consuming Aint no cure for love

16 Sternbergs triangular theory [2]Passion Arousal - heightened Motivating factor Parental love = supporting/ nurturing but Sexual love = desire (lust?); physical attraction; consummation Sexual Healing?

17 Sternbergs triangular theory [3]Decision/Commitment Love = two-part process (a) deciding who to love (b) commitment to the relationship having made the decision. Is it a case of: Love will keep us together or Love will tear us apart

18 Does the theory stand up? How testable is this theory? Answer: Very difficult - impossible? - to test. At different times, the triangle might be skewed - the relationship is dominated by one aspect.

19 Does the theory stand up? The relative importance of the 3 components - the 3 corners of the triangle - changes over the course of a relationship. For example: Are you attracted to someone who you first become intimate with? Do you become intimate with someone you first commit to? Are there culturally diverse opinions about which way round this should be? - which works best?

20 Intimacy and the One Year Itch? Foundations for successful love? Love in its early phases.... versus love later on. Romantic love is what adolescents typically mean by love In a survey of US college students closest relationship = with romantic partner (i.e., closer than friends/parents/siblings) (Berscheid, 1989)

21 Intimacy and the One Year Itch? Huston, McHale & Crouter (1984) Longitudinal data - 12 months - newlyweds By end of first year of marriage: less satisfied with level of interaction; not as in love as when first married less happy about being married Youve lost that Loving Feeling

22 You say the magics gone, but Im not a magician Why the change? Household chores increased spent more time shopping and cleaning spent less time on recreational activities Amount of time spent talking decreased over 12 months Less disclosure of affectionate emotions fewer instances of I love you etc. partners were less euphoric (Huston et al, 1984)

23 Is Love Realistic? How happy couples were about their marriage was correlated with the strength of their negative feelings than with their positive feelings. i.e., the first 12 months of married life allow other things to get in the way. Does pre-marital cohabitation help? No - couples who spent 10 months living together before getting married reported same pattern of declining satisfaction as other couples. Is their something else at work?

24 Passion or Sex? Does sexual passion wane? Longitudinal data from Hunt (1972)

25 Sexual Attitudes If youre young, sex is natural, a good thing, expected, accepted (generally). The older people get, the more likely it becomes that sex is less accepted....e.g., Dirty men are invariably Dirty Old Men Older women perceived as less wanting of sex (Diamond & Carlin, 1980). Children dont - dont want to? - believe that their parents are sexually active (Pocs et al., 1977) Even though sex is just as good, or better for 75% of elderly respondents (Starr & Weiner, 1981)

26 New-found independence? Or dependence on someone new? Adulthood = new-found independence But when we fall in love, we become dependent on someone else again. Love is supposed to be reciprocal we give our self away and expect the same in return Choosing the right mate is important

27 Decisions.... Decisions....? How do we choose the right mate? Compatibility/Interdependence vs Expectations MenWomen Expect to get married?74% 80% Good marriage important?69% 81% Stay married?55% 66% (Thornton, 1989)

28 Your Choice? Cupid, draw back your bow.... Historically, and today in some cultures, No! Marriage has consequences/ramifications: economical political (e.g., between families/within communities) social Love was/is lower down the order of importance

29 Is your choice of mate psychologically predictable? Filter Theory (Udry, 1971) Series of filters reduces pool of candidates [1] Propinquity filter - i.e., potential mates are around us... geographically close. Distance filters most potential mates out.... unless youre Sleepless in Seattle? (also problematic for holiday romances)

30 Is your choice of mate psychologically predictable? Filter Theory (Udry, 1971) [2] Attractiveness filter - i.e., how fat/thin/short/tall/ are the people you meet? Is beauty in the eye of the beholder?

31 Is your choice of mate psychologically predictable? Filter Theory (Udry, 1971) [3] Social background filter - i.e., how similar are your religious beliefs/political stance/education/occupation/ SES?

32 Is your choice of mate psychologically predictable? Filter Theory (Udry, 1971) [4] Consensus filter Do you share the same values as your partner? Do you spend a lot of time discovering things about each other? Do you make sure you find out?

33 Is your choice of mate psychologically predictable? Filter Theory (Udry, 1971) [5] Complimentarity filter We want someone who shares similar values etc. to us, but paradoxically, someone who also completes us. Submissive personalities often seek dominant personalities.

34 Is your choice of mate psychologically predictable? Filter Theory (Udry, 1971) [6] Readiness filter Timing is....everything

35 Reading No reading this week - video!!


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