1. Chapter 6
Mate Selection

2. Chapter 6: Mate Selection Chapter Outline
Cultural Aspects of Mate Selection
Sociological Factors Operative in Mate Selection
Psychological Factors Operative in Mate Selection
Sociobiological Factors Operative in Mate Selection
Engagement
Factors which Suggest You Might Delay or Call off the Wedding
The Future of Selecting a Partner

3. Chapter 6: Mate Selection Introduction
True or False?
Persons who participate in a premarital education program show no benefits in relationship quality when compared with nonparticipants.

4. Chapter 6: Mate Selection Introduction
Answer: FALSE
Research shows that the average participant in a premarital prevention program experienced about a 30% increase in measures of outcome success. They were more likely than nonparticipants to experience immediate and short-term gains in interpersonal skills and overall relationship quality.

5. Chapter 6: Mate Selection Introduction
Quote: “It really doesn’t matter who you marry since you are sure to find out you married someone else.”
Discussion:
What do you see as the main criteria when searching for a mate? Why?

6. Cultural Aspects of Mate Selection
Fewer than 1% of persons marry someone outside their race.
Independent of sexual orientation, two forms of cultural pressure operative in mate selection are:
Endogamy: Expectation to marry within one’s social group.
Exogamy: Expectation to marry outside one’s own family group.

7. Sociological Factors Operative in Mate Selection
The homogamy theory of mate selection states that we tend to be attracted to and become involved with those who are similar to us in age, race, religion, and social class.
The more couples have in common, the higher the reported relationship satisfaction and the more durable the relationship.

8. Sociological Factors Operative in Mate Selection Homogamy: 14 Factors
Race
Age
Education
Open-Mindedness
Social Class
Physical Appearance
Marital status
Religion/Spirituality
Attachment
Personality
Circadian Preference
Traditional Roles
Geographic Background
Economic Values, Money Management, and Debt

9. Sociological Factors Operative in Mate Selection Homogamy
Homogamy operates almost without awareness.
This couple reports, “we love each other”…but they are also of the same race, age, education, social class, and religious background.

10. Sociological Factors Operative in Mate Selection Homogamy
Although most undergraduates are open to dating outside their race, marrying someone of another race is rare for them.
In a sample of 2,922 undergraduates, 35% of females and 30% of males reported that they had dated interracially. But as noted in the national data, only about 10% marry interracially.

11. Food for Thought…

12. Psychological Factors Operative In Mate Selection Complimentary Needs Theory
States that we select mates whose needs are opposite and complementary to our own
Questions raised about this theory:
Can personality needs be met outside the relationship?
What is a complementary need as opposed to a similar value?
Could a dependent person develop confidence and no longer need to be with a dominant person?

13. Psychological Factors Operative In Mate Selection Exchange Theory
Mate selection is based on who offers the greatest rewards at the lowest cost:
Rewards: Behaviors and resources that influence you to continue the relationship
Cost: Unpleasant aspects of the relationship
Profit: When rewards exceed costs
Loss: When costs exceed rewards
Alternative: Does another person offer a higher profit margin?

14. Psychological Factors Operative In Mate Selection Role Theory and Attachment Theory
Role Theory of Mate Selection is a theory that focuses on the social learning of roles. A son or daughter models after the parent of the same sex by selecting a partner similar to the one the parent selected.
Attachment Theory of Mate Selection developed early in the reference to one’s parents, the drive toward an intimate, social/emotional connection.

15. Psychological Factors Operative In Mate Selection Positive Assortative Personality Mating
Positive Assortative Personality Mating refers to individuals who sort each other out on the basis of similar personality characteristics.
Desirable Personality Characteristics of a Potential Mate: In a study of 700 undergraduates, both men and women reported that personality characteristics of being warm, kind, and open and having a sense of humor were very important to them in selecting a romantic or sexual partner.

16. Undesirable Personality Characteristics of a Potential Mate:
Psychological Factors Operative In Mate Selection Positive Assortative Personality Mating
Undesirable Personality Characteristics of a Potential Mate:
Controlling
Narcissistic
Poor Impulse Control
Hypersensitive
Inflated Ego
Perfectionistic
Insecure
Controlled
Substance Abuser

17. Psychological Factors Operative In Mate Selection Personality Types Problematic in a Potential Partner

18. Sociobiological Factors Operative in Mate Selection
Men and women select mates on the basis of their concern for producing offspring.
Men look for a young, healthy, attractive, sexually conservative woman who will produce healthy children and take care of them.
Women look for an ambitious man with good economic capacity who will invest resources in her children.

19. Sociobiological Factors Operative in Mate Selection
Criticisms:
Women show concern for the earning capacity of men because they have been denied access to similar economic resources.
Both women and men think about their partners more as companions than as future parents of their offspring.

20. Engagement
“A happy wife sometimes has the best husband, but more often makes the best of the husband she has.” -Unknown
Engagement: Time in which the romantic partners are sexually monogamous, committed to marry, and focused on wedding preparations.

21. Engagement Premarital Counseling
Some clergy require one or more sessions of premarital counseling as a prerequisite to agreeing to marry the couple.
In addition to seeing a counselor or completing self-help tests, many individuals get advice from friends, parents, and religious leaders.

22. Engagement Visiting Your Partner’s Parents
If you want to know what your partner may be like in the future, look at his or her parent of the same sex.
If you want to know how your partner is likely to treat you in the future, observe the way your partner’s parent of the same sex treats and interacts with his or her spouse.

23. Engagement Premarital Education Programs and Counseling
Some premarital couples attend the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP).
Couples who learn how to communicate and negotiate conflict are less likely than a control group to divorce or separate.
They also report greater marital satisfaction, fewer conflicts, and less physical violence.

24. Engagement Prenuptial Agreement
Designed to specify how property will be divided if the marriage ends in divorce or by the death of one partner.
Reasons for a prenuptial agreement:
Protecting assets for children from a prior relationship
Protecting business associates

25. Engagement Food for thought…
Discussion: What are some disadvantages of signing a prenuptial agreement?

26. Factors that Suggest You Might Delay or Call off the Wedding
Age 18 or Younger
Individuals who marry in their teens have a greater risk of divorce.
Known Partner Less Than Two Years
Partners who date at least two years before getting married report the highest level of marital satisfaction.

27. Factors that Suggest You Might Delay or Call off the Wedding
Abusive Relationship
Partners who emotionally and/or physically abuse their partners while dating continue this in marriage.
High Frequency of Negative Comments/Low Frequency of Positive Comments
Individuals who criticize each other end up damaging their relationship in a way which does not make it easy for positives to recover.

28. Factors that Suggest You Might Delay or Call off the Wedding
Numerous Significant Differences
Persons who report the greatest degree of satisfaction in relationships have a great deal in common.
On-and-Off Relationship
Couples who routinely break up and get back together should examine the issues that recur in their relationship.

29. Factors that Suggest You Might Delay or Call off the Wedding
Dramatic Parental Disapproval
If the parents of either partner disapprove of their child’s choice of spouse, the partners should try to evaluate these concerns objectively.
Low Sexual Satisfaction
Sexual satisfaction is linked to relationship satisfaction, love, and commitment.

30. Marrying for the Wrong Reason
Examples include:
Rebound
Escape
Unplanned pregnancy
Psychological blackmail
Insurance benefits
Pity
Filling a void

31. Whether to Continue or End a Relationship
Rhoades, et al. (2010) identified four factors involved in whether a person continues or ends a relationship.
Dedication
Perceived constraints
Material constraints
Feeling trapped

32. Selecting Partners in the Future
The future of selecting a lifetime partner will involve the increased use of Internet dating sites.
Hence, in addition to meeting the “old-fashioned way,” individuals will be logging on and fishing in the online pool.

33. Quick Quiz
The cultural expectation to find a mate within one's social group is called:
homogamy
exogamy
monogamy
endogamy
ANS: D

34. Quick Quiz Which scenario best describes complementary needs theory?
selection of mates with opposite values
selection of mates with similar looks
selection of mates with similar values
selection of mates with different looks
ANS: A

35. Quick Quiz
Which of the following emphasizes that people select partners who offer the greatest benefits at the least cost?
profit margin
complimentary needs theory
exchange theory
principle of least interest
ANS: C

36. Quick Quiz
Sociobiology:
proposes that behavior in selecting mates is reduced to environmental factors
makes scientific inquiry into the notion that men are attracted to younger women and women are attracted to men with money
discredits Charles Darwin's natural selection theory
goes against traditional stereotypes of American culture
ANS: B

37. Quick Quiz
In a comparing couples who have gone through pre-marital counseling versus those who have not, pre-marital counseling has been shown to have which of the following effects on a marriage?
either more positive or more negative, depending on the dynamics of the couple
negative
positive
none at all
ANS: C