1. College of Engineering Hanson Center for Technical Communication
University of Iowa
College of Engineering
Hanson Center for Technical Communication 1

2. Soft Skills for a Hard World
October 2013
Copyright 2013 Denise M. Blommel, PLLC 2

3. Donald R. Doerres, II Master Engineer University of Iowa BSEE 1973 3

4. 7272 E. Indian School Road, Suite 206
Denise Blommel
Denise M. Blommel, PLLC
Attorney/Mediator
7272 E. Indian School Road, Suite 206
Scottsdale, AZ 85251 4

5. Technology and the 24/7 Lifestyle5

6. Limited Social
Interaction 6

7. Work/Life Imbalance 7

8. Diversity
Differences in Race, Color, National Origin, Religion, Gender, Sexual Orientation, Disability, Age, Veteran Status, Personality and the Way One Thinks. 8

9. Key Words
Dialogue
Discussion
Conversation 9

10. COMMUNICATE
Face To Face
Telephone
Text
Social Media 10

11. LEVELS OF COMMUNICATION
1. Humor/courtesy
2. Facts/information
3. Expression of opinions, feelings and insights
4. Sharing of deep feelings and personal secrets
Meis and Markey-Meis WHEN FAMILIES MARRY 11

12. PRINCIPLES OF COMMUNICATION
What We Say May Not Be What Is Heard. 12

13. Types of Communication
Visual
Aural
Kinesthetic

14. Peter Senge on Questions
40% are statements in disguise
40% are judgments in disguise
20% are true questions 14

15. Venting and Repetition15

16. PRINCIPLES OF COMMUNICATION
2. Messages Contain Thoughts And Emotions. 16

17. Why vs. Help Me Understand17

18. PRINCIPLES OF COMMUNICATION
3. How We Physically Respond Is A Better Indicator Than What We Say. 18

19. Tone of Voice
Body Language
Diction 19

20. How Many Sentences? I never said that to him.
5 volunteers – Don starts 20 20

21. Sentence Two
I really didn’t mean it.
5 volunteers 21

22. PRINCIPLES OF COMMUNICATION
4. There is an appropriate time and an appropriate place. 22

23. DIFFERENCES IN COMMUNICATION
Gender differences
Age differences
Cultural differences
Language barriers
Others? 23

24. SOME BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION
Negotiation Style
Perceptions of Fairness
Personal Needs
Outside Distractions 24

25. answer for everything…
There is no one right
answer for everything… 25

26. LISTENING The Chinese Characters for Listening: 1. Ear Gather
2. Eye Perceive
3. Heart Sense
4. King Respect
Purpose of this Activity:
To demonstrate the multiple dimensions of listening and what it takes to fully listen to another so that you understand them.
Topic: Listening: Chinese Characters
Activity: Lecture & exercises
Time: 8 min.
STEPS:
1. REVIEW this slide. For listening to take place you have to clear your mind. You have to understand emotions and let them go (not suppress them). Then you can have your mind clear. The first key to listening is gathering. You can’t gather if you mind is full.
2. ASK What is the difference between hearing & listening?
What does it take to bring listening to an interaction?
Listening in this sense goes beyond just hearing (gathering through the ears). Listening implies understanding what their communication means and what the intention is.
You have to use all the senses. When you process, you process what you see AND what you sense with all your senses.
3. EAR: GATHER
The Ear serves to gather information.
Copyright Covisioning 2001
Continued... 26

27. LISTENING Ear Eye Heart King STEPS:
Purpose of this Activity:
To demonstrate the multiple dimensions of listening and what it takes to fully listen to another so that you understand them.
Topic: Listening: Chinese Characters
Activity: Lecture & exercises
Time: 8 min.
STEPS:
1. REVIEW this slide. For listening to take place you have to clear your mind. You have to understand emotions and let them go (not suppress them). Then you can have your mind clear. The first key to listening is gathering. You can’t gather if you mind is full.
2. ASK What is the difference between hearing & listening?
What does it take to bring listening to an interaction?
Listening in this sense goes beyond just hearing (gathering through the ears). Listening implies understanding what their communication means and what the intention is.
You have to use all the senses. When you process, you process what you see AND what you sense with all your senses.
3. EAR: GATHER
The Ear serves to gather information.
Copyright Covisioning 2001
Continued... 27

28. Guides to Good Listening
BE INTERESTED.
WEIGH CONTENT.
BE PATIENT.
FOCUS ON CENTRAL IDEAS.
BE FLEXIBLE.
PRACTICE LISTENING.
RESIST DISTRACTIONS.
EXERCISE THE MIND.
KEEP THE MIND OPEN.
Geico ad 28

29. between understanding another’s position and condoning it.
There is a difference
between understanding
another’s position and
condoning it. 29

30. CONFLICT
RESOLUTION 30

31. CONFLICT Conflict is a part of life. Conflict does not mean failure.
Conflict leads to change and growth 31

32. People do not need to agree on beliefs or values but only as to
arrangements for the
future. 32

33. The Iceberg of Conflict
Issues
_____________
Personalities
Emotions
Interests
Needs
Desires
Self-Perceptions
Self-Esteem
Hidden Expectations
Unresolved Issues from Past
Cloke & Goldsmith 33

34. Costs of Unresolved Conflict
Wasted time
Bad decisions
Unnecessary restructuring
Health costs
Formal costs e.g. litigation
Job dissatisfaction
Dr. Daniel Dana CONFLICT RESOLUTION 34

35. Options for Resolving Conflict
Avoidance
Collaboration
Negotiate
Mediate
Higher Authority
Chain of command
Litigate
Unilateral Power Play
Slaiku, WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE 35

36. Problem Resolution Set
Absolution: Ignore a problem and hope it goes away.
Solution: Do something to produce a positive outcome.
Resolution: Do something to produce the best possible outcome.
Dissolution: Eliminate the cause of the problem.
From WHEN FAMILIES MARRY by Finian Meis and Tara Markey-Meis 36

37. Seven Steps to Solution37

38. SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
Find the time and place to talk
Decide upon ground rules
Listen to each other
Ascertain issue and core value involved
Identify common goals
Explore options
Make a plan for the future 38

39. SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
Find the time and place to talk 39

40. The Meeting Invitation to meet Securing a location
Eliminate distractions
Environmental factors
Ensure timing is right 40

41. SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
2. Decide upon ground rules 41

42. Sample Ground Rules Be respectful of one another No personal attacks
Do not interrupt
Try to understand the other’s point of view
Confidentiality
No reloading 42

43. SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
3. Listen to each other 43

44. LISTENING BEHAVIORS Listen for the Facts
Understand the Speaker (Empathic Listening)
Active Listening
Paraphrase/Summarize to understand 44

45. Helpful Phrases “Help Me Understand” “It sounds like…”
“It seems like….”
“We cannot change the past”
“One option for resolution is…”
“What do you suggest?”
“I really need to understand more…”
“What’s it going to take?”
“It is common to react this way when…” 45

46. SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
4. Ascertain issue and core value involved 46

47. Focus on Interests Interests = Needs + Core Values Wants vs. Needs
The story of the orange
Reframing
Change the game by changing the frame
Change perception to see new possibilities 47

48. SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
5. Identify common goals 48

49. What do we
need to
accomplish? 49

50. SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
6. Explore options 50

51. 51

52. 17 Camels
Elderly tribal chief passes away & leaves his camel herd to his 3 sons
Stipulates the following in his will:
Eldest son to receive 1/2 of herd
Second eldest to receive 1/3 of herd
Youngest to receive 1/9 of herd 52

53. 17 Camels 3 Sons Visit the Village Elder
Sons unable to agree on division of camels
Each brother presents his issue
Each wants fair share of herd
Elder tells them she will lend them one camel to resolve the dispute
Only asks that camel be returned when no longer needed 53

54. 17 Camels Resolution 1/2 of 18 = 9 1/3 of 18 = 6 1/9 of 18 = 2 17
18th camel no longer needed
YOUR ROLE -- help find the 18th camel! 54

55. SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
7. Make a plan for the future 55

56. PRINCIPLES OF AGREEMENTS
The Past Can’t be Changed - Focus on Future
Any Settlement is a Gamble - for All Parties. 56

57. Questions? 57