Types of Difficult Behavior Causes of difficult behavior Essential Communication Skills Strategies for Dealing with Difficult Behavior
Bullying Sniping Negative “it won’t work” attitude Agreeing & not following through Whining Arrogance (I know it all)
What is the most challenging behavior you have had to deal with at work?
Exerting power over others Using abrasive language Physical intimidation Giving orders Threatening
More covert than bullying Put downs Non-playful teasing Whisper campaigns Disrupting flow of conversation
Negative comments No solutions Pessimistic – “It will never work” “We tried it before”
Saying what you want to hear Making unrealistic commitments Going their own way Not really understanding, not asking questions
Dominating Meetings Boasting Dismissing others’ ideas as irrelevant Strike back if hurt Blame others
Whine and complain Focus on problems instead of solutions Play the blame game Try to rally others to support their cause
Get the task right Get the task done Get along with people Get appreciation from people
When any of the “gets” do not get what they want, their behavior becomes more extreme – and it ain’t pretty!
Get it done becomes more controlling Get it right becomes more perfectionist Get along becomes more approval seeking Get appreciation becomes more attention getting Have you ever noticed this behavior in yourself?
1. Build rapport 2. Seek understanding 3. Clarify 4. Summarize 5. Confirm
Connecting Visually with facial expression, degree of animation, body posture Verbally with volume & speed Conceptually with words Redirecting Use rapport to change your interaction Refocus to common objective
Ask questions to get their perception Indicate that you are listening – nod head, “Uh-huh,” “Hmmm..” Paraphrase with respect – use some of their actual words Aim for understanding – “Is that correct?” “Did I get that right?”
Use the “W” words to ask questions: Who What Where When How
Never assume that you both have the same understanding. “If I understand you correctly, this is the problem, this is who it involved, this is when where and how it happened?” If you have missed something or gotten it wrong, this allows the other person to fill in the details.
Ask, “Do you feel understood?” “Is there anything else?” “Did I get it right?” Repeat until you both have the same understanding and then follow up in writing.
You can change your behavior. You can influence another person’s behavior. How you approach conflict communicates your attitude, values, and emphasis on effective, collaborative relationships in the workplace. The bottom line is working together effectively to get the job done!
You are in a meeting when a co-worker uses abrasive language and attacks the idea you just proposed. How do you respond? a) I fake a coughing fit and leave the room. b) I ask questions about why he or she doesn’t like my idea. c) I defend my idea. d) I point out the inappropriateness of the language.
A change was just announced for your department. A co-worker is spreading the word that it is a bad decision and will never work. Your task is to create a plan to implement the change for your department. How do you deal with the co-worker’s negative behavior? Ask “What specific problems do you see?” Share your perspective on the change. Report person to the manager for undermining your ability to promote the change. Do nothing and hope for the best. Vigorously argue for your point of view.
◦ Get attention of the other person ◦ Listen and Rephrase ◦ Use questions to gain information ◦ Encourage their questions ◦ Help them focus and plan ◦ Ensure commitments
1.Listen for the main points 2.Rephrase and clarify 3.Involve them in solution 4.Suggest a course of action 5.Confirm commitment for path forward
Listen To Understand Reach a Deeper Understanding Speak To Be Understood Get What You Project and Expect