A matter of sentence style

What is conciseness?

 Opposite of wordiness  Economy of expression  Making sentences that are descriptive & vivid, but efficiently worded  Making every word in the sentence count

 Critical care nursing is highly pressured because the patients have life-threatening illnesses. Critical-care nurses must possess steady nerves and interpersonal and medical skills. Most health-care professionals consider these nurses essential if patients are to improve to intermediate care.  The highly pressured nature of critical-care nursing is due to the fact that the patients have life threatening illnesses. Critical- care nurses must have possession of steady nerves to care for patients who are critically ill and very sick. The nurses must also have possession of interpersonal skills. They must also have medical skills. It is considered by most health-care professionals that these nurses are essential if there is to be improvement of patients who are now in critical care from that status to the status of intermediate care.

1. Redundancy 2. Weak verbs 3. Wordy verb phrases 4. Empty phrases, clauses, or structures, such as there is, there are, etc. 5. Unnecessary phrases or clauses to show possession 6. Unnecessary use of who, which, & that

Redundant: “The end result of that unexpected surprise was that each individual received a free gift.” (15 words) Concise: “In the end, each person received a surprise gift.” (9 words)

Wordy: “It is dangerous to feed my cats at night.” Concise: “Feeding my cats at night is dangerous.”

l Make the subject and verb of each sentence identify its actor and action. (see p. 181) l Cut or shorten empty words or phrases. (see p ) l Cut unnecessary repetition. (see p. 183) l Reduce clauses to phrases and phrases to single words. (see pp ) l Avoid construction beginning with there is or it is. (see p. 184) l Combine sentences. l Cut or rewrite jargon. (see pp ) Copyright © 1995–2007 by Pearson Education, publishing as Longman Publishers Fowler/Aaron, The Little, Brown Handbook, Tenth Edition 23.2

A checker can’t identify all potentially wordy structures, nor can it tell you whether a structure is appropriate for your ideas. Wordiness is not a problem of incorrect grammar. A sentence may be perfectly grammatically correct but still contain unneeded words that interfere with your ideas. Grammar checkers

 The highly pressured nature of critical- care nursing is due to the fact that the patients have life threatening illnesses. Critical-care nurses must have possession of steady nerves to care for patients who are critically ill and very sick. The nurses must also have possession of interpersonal skills. They must also have medical skills. It is considered by most health-care professionals that these nurses are essential if there is to be improvement of patients who are now in critical care from that status to the status of intermediate care. Focus on subject and verb Avoid nouns from verbs Cut unneeded repetition Combine sentences Change passive voice to active Revise there is constructions Reduce clauses and phrases (87 words)

 Critical care nursing is highly pressured because the patients have life-threatening illnesses. Critical-care nurses must possess steady nerves and interpersonal and medical skills. Most health-care professionals consider these nurses essential if patients are to improve to intermediate care. (37 words)

Using the subjects and verbs of your sentences for the key actors and actions will reduce words and emphasize important ideas. Focusing on the subject and verb Wordy The reason why most of the country shifts to daylight time is that winter days are much shorter than summer days. Concise Most of the country shifts to daylight time because winter days are much shorter than summer days.

Cutting or shortening empty words and phrases Empty words and phrases gain little or no meaning. When you cut or shorten them, your writing will move faster and be more effective. all things considered as far as I’m concerned for all intents and purposes for the most part in a manner of speaking in my opinion last but not least more or less Wordy In my opinion, that truck looks like a hunk of junk. Concise The truck looks like junk.

Cutting unnecessary repetition Planned repetition and restatement can make writing more coherent, or emphatic. Unnecessary words weaken sentences. Wordy Concise Many unskilled workers without training in a particular job are unemployed and do not have any work. Many unskilled workers are unemployed.

Reducing clauses to phrases, phrases to single words Modifiers—subordinate clauses, phrases, and single words—can be expanded or contracted depending on the emphasis you want to achieve. When editing your sentences, consider whether any modifiers can be reduced without loss of emphasis or clarity. Wordy The Channel Tunnel, which runs between Britain and France, bores through a bed of solid chalk that is twenty-three miles across. Concise The Channel Tunnel between Britain and France bores through twenty-three miles of solid chalk.

Revising there is, here is, and it is construction You can postpone the sentence subject with the words there, here, and it: There are two doors. Here is the main problem. It was not fair only seniors could vote. These constructions can be useful to emphasize the subject or to indicate a change in direction. But often they just add words and create limp substitutes for more vigorous sentences. Wordy There were delays and cost overruns that plagued construction of the Channel Tunnel. It had been the expectation of investors that they would see earnings soon after there were trains passing through the tunnel, but profits took years to materialize. Concise Delays and cost overruns plagued construction of the Channel Tunnel. Investors had expected to see earnings soon after trains began passing through the tunnel, but profits took years to materialize.

Often the information in two or more sentences can be combined into one tight sentence. Wordy Concise An unexpected problem with the Channel Tunnel is stowaways. The stowaways are mostly illegal immigrants. They are trying to smuggle themselves into England. They cling to train roofs and undercarriages. An unexpected problem with the Channel Tunnel is stowaways. The stowaways, mostly illegal immigrants who are trying to smuggle themselves into England by clinging to train roofs and undercarriages.

Jargon can refer to the special vocabulary of any discipline or profession. But it has also come to describe vague, inflated language that is overcomplicated, even incomprehensible. When it comes from the government of business, we call it bureaucratese. Jargon Translation The weekly social gatherings stimulate networking by members of management from various divisions, with the aim of developing contacts and maximizing the flow of creative information. The weekly parties give managers from different divisions a chance to meet and share new ideas.

 Why write concise sentences?