1. This will be collected. Turn in on paper or Canvas.
Writing Exercise
Based on today’s reading assignment (EA ), did you use any tropes in your film script?
Which ones?
Where, how, and why?
Out of all the stylistic devices covered in Chapter 13 (EA ), which ones do you think could most enrich your writing? E.g., colloquialisms, balanced sentences, colons, antonomasia, parallelism… That is, which strategies would you most like to master?
Why? How will they benefit your compositions?
This will be collected. Turn in on paper or Canvas.

2. Technical Details Embed video from box.psu.edu Include citations
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3. Style Workshop #4 of 4
Day 25 of English 15

4. Requested Topics Structure (drafting, organization)
Style (editing and proofreading stages)
punctuation
what makes a great essay
words to avoid; synonyms; elevated diction
outlining a paper
going beyond the five- paragraph structure
punctuation and rewriting sentences to combine or shorten them
using headings and subheadings
make sentences/paragraphs flow; efficient syntax
creative hooks
introduction’s relation to body paragraphs
comma rules
Citations
backing up supporting claims while backing up the thesis
formatting in-text citations
structuring conclusion

5. Word Choice Examine every noun and verb in a paragraph.
Why did you choose the words you did? Could others make your meaning clearer?
Do you use any modifiers, e.g., “very,” “quite,” “really,” “a lot,” and “pretty”? If so, can you replace them?

6. Five ways to achieve concision
Focus on subject and verb
Use the active voice
Cut wordiness and repetition
Eliminate there is and it is constructions
Combine sentences

7. Focus on subject and verb
The reason why most of the country shifts to daylight savings time is that winter days are much shorter than summer days.
Most of the country shifts to daylight savings time because winter days are much shorter than summer days.

8. Passive Voice Active Voice Social media is used by young people.
The young people use social media.

9. Revise passive voice
I went to the gallery to see some famous canvases, which were reportedly painted by a three-year-old.
I went to the gallery to see some famous canvases, which a three-year-old reportedly painted.

10. Cut empty phrases
As far as I’m concerned, discrimination against women still exists in medicine for all intents and purposes.
Discrimination against women still exists in medicine.

11. Cut empty words
The type of large expenditures on advertising that manufacturers must make it a very important aspect of the cost of detergents.
Manufacturers’ large advertising expenditures increase the cost of detergents.

12. Revise formulaic phrases
At this point in time, the software is expensive due to the fact that it has no competition.
The software is expensive now because it has no competition.

13. Cut unnecessary repetition
Many unskilled workers without training in a particular job are unemployed and do not have any work.
Many unskilled workers are unemployed.

14. Cut repetitive words and phrases
Because the circumstances surrounding the cancellation of classes were murky and unclear, the editor of the student newspaper assigned a reporter to investigate and file a report on the circumstances.
Because the circumstances leading to the cancellation of classes were unclear, the editor of the student newspaper assigned a reporter to investigate the story.

15. Eliminate there is and it is constructions
There were delays and cost overruns that plagued construction of the Channel Tunnel. It is the expectation of investors to earn profits at last, now that there are trains passing daily through the tunnel.
Delays and cost overruns plagued construction of the Channel Tunnel. Investors expect to earn profits at last, now that trains pass daily through the tunnel.

16. Combine sentences
A remarkable occupant of Mount Holyoke is Jorge the goose. Jorge is very bold. He tries to assert his dominance over visiting ducks. He honks to show his power.
A remarkable occupant of Mount Holyoke is Jorge the goose, who shows his boldness by asserting his dominance over visiting ducks and honking powerfully.

17. Samples
Wordy: In my opinion the competition in the area of grades at Penn State is a big distraction. It distracts many students from their goal, which is to obtain an education that is good. There seems to be a belief among a few students that grades are more important than what is measured by them.
Concise: The competition for grades at our college distracts many students from their goal of obtaining a good education. A few students seem to believe that grades are more important than what they measure.

18. References Keys for Writers by Ann Raimes
The Little, Brown Handbook by Fowler and Aaron

19. Editing Time
In your partner’s letter, look for the style issues we’ve covered in our workshops:
Ambiguity of “this” as a noun (try to use only as adjective)
Comma splices
Lack of transitional phrases
Monotony in sentence structure and length
Overuse of passive voice
Subject-verb disagreement
Too many quotations
Word choice
Wordiness (repetition, empty phrases, there is/it is)