POSITIVE DISCIPLINE

WHAT IS DISCIPLINE?

WHAT ABOUT SPANKING?  It is a physical assault on a child.  It teaches children to deal with life in a physical way.  Can lead to child abuse.  It teaches outer control, and only stops the behavior for a short time.  Creates feelings of hatred and revenge.

TYPES OF PARENTING:  AUTHORITARIAN:  External Control  Punishment  Order without freedom  TYPES OF PARENTING:  AUTHORITATIVE (Democratic):  Mutual Respect  Cooperation  Freedom with Order  PERMISSIVE:  Freedom without order  No restriction, rules,  No consequences

3 R’s of punishment:  RESENTMENT  REVENGE  RETREAT  Low self esteem  Sneaky  Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make a child do better, first we have to make them feel worse.

WHY DO CHILDREN MISBEHAVE?  A misbehaving child is a discouraged child. Why?  MISBEHAVIOR:  Is based on a child’s mistaken interpretation of how to find BELONGING & SIGNIFICANCE !

4 GOALS OF MISTAKEN BEHAVIOR:  1. Attention  2. Power  3. Revenge  4. Give-up

Most common reason for misbehavior: Attention accounts for about 80%. Solution to All Misbehavior: Spend special time with the child

Solution to Attention Problems:  Ignore if possible  Give attention when good  Redirect  Logical consequences  Choices

Solution to Power Problems:  Withdraw  Cool off,  Problem solve together  Win cooperation  Act

4 Steps for Winning Cooperation:  Get into child’s world  Check it out  Show understanding  Share your feelings  Find a solution together

Solution to Revenge Problems:  Withdraw from revenge cycle  Win child over  Solve the problem  Take away items they could destroy  Apologize if needed

Solution to Inadequacy Problems:  Avoid pity  Encourage & train  Create small successes  Don’t give up

Believe that children are basically GOOD! Make sure the message of LOVE always gets through:

TIMING: It is impossible to solve problems at the time of CONFLICT! LISTEN FIRST: Children will listen to you after they feel listed to.

NATURAL & LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES:  NATURAL: Simply happen naturally  No coat = cold  LOGICAL: Are decided upon and imposed by parents or teachers  LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES:  One needs to be:  Firm  Calm  Positive toward child

3 R’S OF LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES:  RELATED  RESPECTFUL  RESONABLE

TIME OUT: An alternative to spanking. Gives child time to calm down & time to think about the correct way to act. Child is moved away from others – an effective consequence.

TIME OUT GUIDELINES:  Choose a location that is dull and away from others.  Use time out immediately after misbehavior occurs.  Length of time = 1 minute for each year of age.  Don’t’ talk to child until afterwards (Make sure they understand the “WHY”).  Reward good behavior after time out, as soon as they do something positive.

DISCIPLINE STEPS:  Redirect  Check it out  Speak to the child about the problem  Give choices  Use logical or natural consequences  Use time out if still out of control