Anger Management Center for students Success counseling services Yelena Sardaryan, MPH,MA counselor

OUTLINE Anger consequences Anger Rage Aggression Anger management tips Communication and Listening Skills Q/A session

Understanding Anger Emotional and Mental aspects of Anger: Anger is energy Anger is a signal Anger is a feeling; it is not a behavior Anger is a normal emotion Anger is a secondary emotion Anger is a protective emotion

Anger Has Its Benefits When anger is channeled properly, it can: help a person to feel stronger and healthier; be used to protect ourselves and our loved ones; and/or improve relationships by opening up lines of communication. 2 – 11:44

Expressions and Types of Anger Anger can be expressed in the following ways: Physical / Behavioral; Emotional / Psychological; Verbal / Non-verbal; and/or Sexual Types of Aggressive Behavior Explosive outbursts Exaggerated hostility Aggressive body language Passive-aggressive behaviors Social withdrawal Verbal abuse 2 - 11:53

External Consequences of Unresolved Anger Loss of friendships/ relationships Loss of family Loss of job Legal troubles Incarceration Financial 3 – 12:13

Internal Consequences of Unresolved Anger FAILURE to recognize and understand anger may lead to health problems such as: Heart Problems Anxiety Tension Headaches High Blood Pressure Upset Stomach Fatigue Obesity

UNRESOLVED ANGER MAY ALSO LEAD TO: Alcohol/Other Drug Use Codependency Love/Relationship Addiction Sexual Addiction Compulsive Overeating Anorexia and/or Bulimia Gambling Workaholism Compulsive Shopping Internet Compulsion Video Game Addiction 2 – 12:17

Anger Manifestations at Different Levels Important to identify the onset of anger. More manageable when at the lower end of the scale. Physical Emotional Behavioral Cognitive Discuss symptoms that resonate for participants. Have them add symptoms that are not listed.

Anger, Aggression and Rage – What’s the Difference? - pgs. 6-11 Briefly describe that anger is the feeling, aggression is the behavior, and rage is the out of control behavior. This workbook primarily focuses on anger and aggression. This section is really the only one where we discuss rage, and treatment of it. Most of the people who come through our program are dealing with anger and aggression … not rage. When rage comes on the scene, it’s usually about substance abuse, or a manic episode.

Difference between Anger and Rage Anger is a tertiary process (higher-order cognitions/thoughts) requiring an identifiable object and cognitive rational of blame. Rage is the result of the activation of the primary RAGE system. It is instinctual and uncontrollable once activated. This is how we learn the best- it’s the learning sealant.

Aggression versus Rage Aggression/Dominance/ Predation Intentional Exciting Generally Feels Good Can Be Reinforcing Can Be Sought Rage Reactionary Uncomfortable Can Be Frightening Generally Avoided Briefly describe that anger is the feeling, aggression is the behavior, and rage is the out of control behavior. This workbook primarily focuses on anger and aggression. This section is really the only one where we discuss rage, and treatment of it. Most of the people who come through our program are dealing with anger and aggression … not rage. When rage comes on the scene, it’s usually about substance abuse, or a manic episode.

Anger Management Tips Prevention is the main focus. Focus on “unmet needs,” otherwise the anger will resurface. The more you understand your own anger, the more you will be able to communicate your wants and needs. 1. Keep track of your anger – helps to identify patterns. 2. How relevant is your anger? 3. Anger as a protective emotion 4. Pay attention to your thoughts - When you are upset, your thoughts will “sound” different to you. “He did it on purpose,” “She’s taking too long,” “He needs to see it my way,” or “Of course he’s going to side with her; he always does.”

Anger Management Tips 5. Set healthy boundaries – Take care of yourself. Don’t constantly put others’ needs before your own. 6. Communicate assertively - Be clear in communicating what’s bothering you, and ask for what you want. Refrain from communicating aggressively. 7. Check your expectations – We are bound to be disappointed when we set unrealistic expectations of those around us. Instead of “You should…”, state “I would like…..” 8. Deal with your anger at its earlier stages - Don’t wait until you can’t control your anger. Work on your anger when it’s at a 5, or sooner.   9. Take responsibility – Don’t blame others for your anger. “You made me mad.”

Trigger Words and Phrases Why questions Comparing others Bringing others into the conversation Absolute words such as always, never, everyone, or no one. “I told you so” You should or could have… Giving advice “I feel that you are ______”

Active Listening Active listening Giving feedback Deepening the conversation Bringing the conversation to a close

Active Listening Encourage the person to talk: “You seem upset. Would you like to discuss it? Sometimes talking helps.” Active Listening posture - sit back, relax, and make eye contact. This lets the other person know they are free to speak without interruptions or being met with defensiveness. Allow Silences: Even if the speaker pauses, don’t interrupt. Let them gather their thoughts or get the courage to say something they’ve been holding back. Paraphrase / Restate- to check out your perceptions and reassure the other person that you’ve been attending carefully, summarize or paraphrase what they’ve been saying.

Harmful Listening Habits Judging what the speaker is saying. Assuming you know what the speaker will say. Not keeping your own emotions in check about what’s being discussed. Interrupting the speaker.

Harmful Listening Habits (cont.) Changing the subject without acknowledging. Not acknowledging the person when they speak. Looking distracted while a person is talking to you. Put your phone away. Trying to formulate your response instead of being present with the speaker.

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