Listening: How Important Is It?  55% college student’s time  60% of executives’ time  At work:  Ability to listen effectively: “Ideal skill” for managers  At home  Listening = important ingredient of relational satisfaction  Listening to personal narratives, fundamental to humanity and well- being. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Listening, defined…  Listening: Process of making sense of others’ spoken messages.  Hearing: Process in which sound waves strike the eardrum and cause vibrations that are transmitted to the brain. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

To understand…  Listening fidelity: Degree of congruence between what a listener understands and what the message-sender was attempting to communicate.  Invitational attitude: Desire to learn more about perspectives other than our own. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

To evaluate…  Evaluating the quality of messages.  Mindful evaluation requires:  Motivation  Ability to analyze comments  Impartiality Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

To build and maintain relationships and help others…  Failure to listen = one of the most frequent communication problems seen in counseling.  Listening well: First and most important habit to teach children.  Salespeople, people who use persuasion, benefit from well- developed listening skills. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Listening is Not Easy  Information overload  Personal concerns  Rapid thought  Noise Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

All listeners do not receive the same message  Physiological factor, social role, cultural background, personal interests, and needs shape and distort raw data we hear.  Research:  “Even the most active, empathic listener cannot … truly walk in another’s shoes.  Dyads only achieve 25-50% accuracy in interpreting or representing each other’ behavior. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Poor listening habits  Pseudolisteners  Stage hogs  Selective listeners  Fill in gaps  Insulated listening  Defensive listening  Ambushers Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Silent listening…  Staying attentive and nonverbally responsive without offering any verbal feedback.  Right approach when interjections are not appropriate.  Silent listening can help others solve problems. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Questioning…  Most popular piece of language!  Reasons to ask sincere, nondirective questions:  To clarify meanings  To learn about others’ thoughts, feelings, wants  Ask open questions versus closed questions  To encourage elaboration  To encourage discovery  To gather more facts and details Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Paraphrasing…  Paraphrasing: Feedback that restates, in your own words, the message you thought the speaker sent.  Types of paraphrasing statements:  Change the speaker’s wording  Offer an example of what you think the speaker is talking about.  Reflect the underlying theme of the speaker’s remarks. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Examples of Paraphrasing…  Speaker: “Bilingual education is just another failed idea of bleeding heart liberals.”  Paraphrase: “Let me see if I’ve got this right. You’re mad because you think bilingual ed sounds good, but it doesn’t work?”  Speaker: “Lee is such a jerk. I can’t believe the way he acted last night.”  Paraphrase: “You think those jokes were pretty offensive, huh?” Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Paraphrasing: Two Levels  Use a questioning tone  Turn personal topics to a factual level  Paraphrase instructions, direction, and decisions before acting  Listen for thoughts, feelings, wants  Paraphrases don’t have to be long  Mix paraphrasing with other response.  May be awkward at first. Paraphrasing Factual Information Paraphrasing Personal Information Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Empathizing…  Shows that you identify with the speaker  What do the authors mean when they say, “Effective empathizing… is not a technique/skill… but emerges from a relationship”?  Identifies with the speaker's emotions and perceptions than paraphrasing  Offers less evaluation and agreement than supporting responses. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Listeners are not empathizing when…  Denying others the right to their feelings.  Minimizing the significance of the situation.  Self-defending.  Raining on the speaker’s parade. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Analyzing  Interpretation of a speaker’s message.  Helps people consider alternative meanings of a situation.  Offers objective understanding of the situation.  Analysis can create more problems when:  Interpretation is incorrect and causes confusion  Accurate analysis is not useful to the sender. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Advising  Offered in three conditions:  Requested in a straightforward manner.  Ambiguous statements include a request for opinion, soliciting information, or announcement of a problem.  When unsolicited—not as effective.  Advice is not helpful when:  It doesn’t offer the best suggestion about how to act.  Allows other to avoid responsibility for their decisions.  Peron may not want advice or be ready to accept it. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Before offering advice…  Be sure the person wants to hear suggestions.  Consider whether the person seeking advice is ready to accept it.  Be confidence that the advice is correct.  Be certain that the receiver will not blame you if the advice doesn’t work out. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.