Communicating: Speaking Clearly

Transition from Listening to Speaking Actively listen, repeat/paraphrase Separate listening from agreeing Find something you can agree upon first Commonalities Positive intentions, Highly valued criteria Relate your experience You had the same experience However, you have had a different experience Speaking Clearly – AEIOU method Especially for upward communication

Improve Speaking Skills Speak to be understood Monitor your tone of voice State your positive intent Tell your truth Tactfully interrupt interruptions Be ready to listen Sending clear messages AEIOU method Declarative Talk Declarations Straight Talk Emotional Stand

Clear Messages Be willing to say where you stand. AEIOU Method: Assume the other person means well. (Identify possible positive intention.) Express your feelings. Identify what you would like to happen Outcome expected (Negative result and positive results.) Understanding on a mutual basis (What can both agree to?) Declarative speaking for more difficult conversations

Declarative Speaking Used instead of nagging, griping, attacking, defending, or justifying. It says,“You have violate my physical and/or psychological space. Get back on your side of the line.” Used infrequently in business, because most conversations involve mutual problem solving. BUT can be used for difficult situations. Three levels of skills: Declaration Straight talk Emotional stand

Declaration Repeat same statement a number of times, make no accusations about the other person, make only statements about what you will or will not do. “I need my phone now” Straight talk Identify the problem, state the desired result, give indisputable reasons. “I need my phone now because I’m expecting a scheduled call” Emotional stand When you …(behavior), I feel …(emotion), because …(effect on me). And what I want…(your solution). “When you are talking on my phone so I can’t get a scheduled call, I get mad because I can’t keep my promise to the person calling. Please get off the phone.”

Speaking Clearly in Ways that Promote Listening Speak for yourself Avoid attribution and check assumptions. Use short, clear statements Ask them to repeat back what we’ve said.

High-Impact Communications Personal communication strategies keep careers on the fast track 10% communicating up, 40% down. Lasting impressions for each We need to relearn two essential life skills Responsible listening (to establish trust) Responsible speaking (to share information) The way we structure a conversation determines its success Attention, Benefits, Resistance, Agreement

Structure of High-Impact Conversations Attention Focus Benefits Pain or gain Resistance Interrupt, disagree, change context Agreement Question, statement, action

Role of Conversation Styles Strengths and vulnerabilities Our greatest strength is our greatest weakness Different personalities, different perceptions Personal life experiences Modifying personal beliefs helps eliminate static Equal and unequal conversations Equal: respectful, trusting, congruent, rational Unequal: disrespectful, distrusting, incongruent, emotional Indicate superiority, attempt to control Info and relationships being strained Blocks willingness to communicate

How People Communicate in Negotiation Polarized language—positive words for own positions, negative for other’s positions Verbal immediacy—high to engage, low to create distance Language intensity—convey strong vs. weak feelings Lexical diversity—broad, rich vocabulary. High = comfort and competence, low = discomfort, anxiety, inexperience High-power language style—low power = verbal hedges, hesitations, politeness. High =verbal dominance, clarity, firmness

Standards to Control Conversations Specific objective for each conversation What other person will do. Expected time length for each conversation Action- vs. idea-oriented persons need different times Changing time limit to stay 100% focused. Commit to using responsible skills throughout 100% responsible to listen and speak Right to exit difficult conversations, options: Stopping the person, leaving the room, asking for help