Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Welcome and Introduction Welcome What experiences/qualifications do you have? Why did you come to this session? 2 Managing Conflict Julie Combs

What you Get 1 Enduring Conflict Mgmt Skill 2 Tools to build on the past 3 Styles/Strategies Self-Reflection Activities Partner Activity 3Managing Conflict Julie Combs

Getting Started: Identify a conflict Think about the last few weeks. What was one conflict that you observed between 2 people? (secretary, teacher, parent, school board member, etc) Describe the situation on paper. 4Managing Conflict Julie Combs

What is conflict? Simply energy in the system; People add meaning Chinese symbol for crisis: danger and opportunity Stems from perceived competition for limited resources: power, success, 5Managing Conflict Julie Combs

Metaphors Conflict is like storm. Conflict is like a garden. Conflict is like running a marathon. Conflict is like the waves at the beach. Others? Managing Conflict Julie Combs6

Interpersonal or Cognitive? Interpersonal conflicts: About People Waste energy & time Unproductive Cognitive conflicts: About Ideas Separated from people What about your conflict? 7Managing Conflict Julie Combs

Using Cognitive Conflict as a Resource : Why? Facilitated Conflict about IDEAS: Fosters improvement Leads to better decisions Guards against apathy Increases buy-in Produces Energy and Action Managing Conflict Julie Combs8

Strategies to Facilitate Conflict about IDEAS 1. Reconsider your labels and language 2. Remove yourself from the center 3. Give equal time to Content & Process Managing Conflict Julie Combs9

Tool #1 Dissect the Conflict What was the conflict about? (the facts) Whom did the conflict involve? What were some of the feelings/emotions? 10Managing Conflict Julie Combs

Apply Review the conflict you identified earlier. Dissect the conflict: Facts: Who, What, Why Feelings or Emotions 11Managing Conflict Julie Combs

Tool #2 Look Below the Surface 12Managing Conflict Julie Combs

Common Roots of Conflict Values Agendas or Priorities Work styles & Personalities Miscommunication Can you think of others? 13Managing Conflict Julie Combs

Apply Review the conflict you identified earlier. What are some of the possible roots for the conflict? Values, Priorities, Styles, Miscommunication 14Managing Conflict Julie Combs

So What How does identifying the unseen/unspoken help? How does writing and dissecting the conflict help? How does sharing the conflict help? 15Managing Conflict Julie Combs

Dilbert 16Managing Conflict Julie Combs

The #1 Conflict Mgmt Strategy? What might be some of the more effective strategies? The #1 Conflict Management Strategy is……. Do you agree or disagree? 17Managing Conflict Julie Combs

18 Most Irritating Listening Habits Interrupting the speaker Eyes looking elsewhere Multi-tasking & Distracted Finishing the speaker’s sentences “Yes, but….” “That reminds me of the time I…” Forgetting past conversations Asking too many questions about details

Managing Conflict Julie Combs19 Helpful Listening & Paraphrasing I care I am trying to understand “So you’re thinking that…” “You feel sad because…” Listen for content Listen for feeling Avoid “I hear you…”

Partner Listening…. Groups of 2 Person A: Who are great listeners? What do they do to help you talk? How does it make you feel? Person B: Listens, Paraphrases, Questions Focus on Listening Skills and Paraphrasing, not the Content At Signal, switch roles 20Managing Conflict Julie Combs

21 Best Reasons NOT to Listen Ignorance is bliss. My boss (or spouse) might expect it all the time. I prefer asking for forgiveness versus permission. I can be more creative when I have to fill in the blanks. I forget what I will say if I listen. The Legislature doesn’t, why should I?

Conflict Strategies or Styles List the names or initials of 3-5 people that are important to you (family, co- workers, boss). 22Managing Conflict Julie Combs

Competition Getting what you want is more important than the relationship Not concerned with needs of others One person wins, one person loses Feel pride & accomplishment as the winner Feel weakness & inadequacy as the loser Attack, overpower, overwhelm, intimidate, outwit Managing Conflict Julie Combs23

Accommodation Relationships are more important than your goals Want to be accepted and liked Believe that conflict damages relationships and hurts others Managing Conflict Julie Combs24

Avoidance Give up your goals and relationships Stay away from conflicts Believe resolution is hopeless Sometimes feel helpless Believe it is easier to withdraw Managing Conflict Julie Combs25

Compromise Moderate concern with your goals and relationships involved Willing to give up part of your goals and want others to give up part of theirs Middle ground, both gain something and both give up something Managing Conflict Julie Combs26

Collaboration Value your goals and relationships View conflicts as problems to be solved Seek solutions that achieves both parties’ goals See conflict as way of improving relationship by reducing tension Want tensions & negative feelings resolved Want a solution that satisfies both Managing Conflict Julie Combs27

Conflict Management Styles 28Managing Conflict Julie Combs

Applying Styles Withdraw when issue & relationship is not important Force when issue is more important than the relationship Smooth when relationship is more important than the issue Problem Solve when both are important; takes time! 29Managing Conflict Julie Combs

Your Best Investments “Because conflicts occur continually and because so many people are so unskilled in managing conflicts, learning how to resolve conflicts constructively is one of the best investments you can make.” (Johnson, 2000, p. 261) 30Managing Conflict Julie Combs

31 An Illusion? The greatest problem with communication is that illusion that it has been accomplished. George Bernard Shaw

Summary Dissecting, Beneath the Surface, Listening, Conflict Mgmt Styles On your paper, list a few things that you plan to apply/remember. 32Managing Conflict Julie Combs

More information Contact: Julie Combs, Stacey Edmonson, 33Managing Conflict Julie Combs