Balancing Stones: Leadership in Life By Suzanne M. Bean Mississippi University for Women May 22, 2007

What do the stones represent? PERSONAL LIFE Spouse/Partner Spouse/Partner Parent –teacher, nurse, referee, driver, chef, psychologist, organizer… Parent –teacher, nurse, referee, driver, chef, psychologist, organizer… Sibling Sibling Friend Friend Caregiver for Parents Caregiver for Parents Church member Church member Community member Community member LEADERSHIP ROLES Innovator Communicator Motivator Team Builder Mentor/Coach Problem Solver Budget Manager Evaluator Learner

The more roles/stones you have, the more difficult it is to keep life in balance!

Fundamental Human Needs To Belong (Connection) To Belong (Connection) To Be Loved, Accepted, Valued (Love) To Be Loved, Accepted, Valued (Love) To Be Successful (Achievement) To Be Successful (Achievement) To Make a Difference (Purpose) To Make a Difference (Purpose)

We differ in how we pursue these fundamental needs…in what we search for, in the choices we make, in how we spend our time.

Balance or Entropy! Entropy - a broken down system which has exhausted its capacity for work…useless energy

The Boiling Frog!

Signs of Stress and Burnout STRESSOver-engagement Overactive Emotions UrgencyHyperactivity Guilt and Anxiety Physical Exhaustion BURNOUT Disengagement Blunted Emotions Helplessness Hopelessness Depression Emotional Damage

Causes of Stress/Burnout Unrealistic Goals Unrealistic Goals All Things to All People All Things to All People Coercive/Punitive Environment Coercive/Punitive Environment Violation of Values/Lack of Authenticity Violation of Values/Lack of Authenticity Boredom from Unchanging or Unchallenging Work Boredom from Unchanging or Unchallenging Work Invisible Monkey Invisible Monkey

Invisible Monkey The invisible monkey not only causes stress for you; it also creates people who are passive, dependent, and likely to pass their problems on to others. The invisible monkey not only causes stress for you; it also creates people who are passive, dependent, and likely to pass their problems on to others. Someone who over-functions creates someone who under-functions. Someone who over-functions creates someone who under-functions.

What can you do to keep your stones of life in balance and be the most effective leader you can be in your personal life and at work?

Clarify Priorities Either you are creating your life or circumstances are. T. Leonard I don’t have time to build a fence! I am too busy chasing cows!a Farmer People with clear minds are like magnets. Wilma Mankiller

Activity On a notecard… Write down at least 4 principles or values that guide you in work and life.

Reflect silently on these two questions How many of your principles/values have to do with work? How many of your principles/values have to do with work? Are your daily actions aligned with those principles/values? Are your daily actions aligned with those principles/values?

Choices and Commitments Anything less than a conscious commitment to the important, is an unconscious commitment to the unimportant. S. Covey The balance of circumstances can be shifted in a major way by minor action. Only a few decisions really matter. Those that do matter a great deal. R. Koch

80/20 Principle by R. Koch We are likely to experience 80% of our happiness in 20% of our time. We are likely to experience 80% of our happiness in 20% of our time. 80% of our time may only contribute to 20% of our happiness. 80% of our time may only contribute to 20% of our happiness. 80% of what we achieve comes from 20% of our time… 80% of what we achieve comes from 20% of our time… And the other 80% of our time only leads to 20% of our achievement. And the other 80% of our time only leads to 20% of our achievement.

We can sharply boost the quality of our lives by changing our use of time. If we do more of the few things that make us happy and much less of the many activities that take most of our time but don’t lead to high levels of happiness or achievement, we can improve our lives in a sensational way…all with less effort!

Seek Authenticity in Self and Others Keep promises made. Keep promises made. Trust yourself. Trust yourself. Focus on your signature strengths. Focus on your signature strengths. Build even stronger positive relationships with those most important to you. Build even stronger positive relationships with those most important to you. Be intentional with your actions. Be intentional with your actions.

Sharpen the Saw!

Paradigm Shift about Leadership Starfish Concept Starfish Concept As a leader, one of the most important jobs you have is preparing your replacement. Distributive/Shared Leadership Distributive/Shared Leadership Develop Leaders Around You! Develop Leaders Around You!

Move From Individual to Collective Commitments Clarity of Purpose in Your Organization Clarity of Purpose in Your Organization Authentic Connections in Your Organization Authentic Connections in Your Organization Celebrations of Strengths/Talents in Your Organization Celebrations of Strengths/Talents in Your Organization Relationship Building in Your Organization Relationship Building in Your Organization

Balance your stones!

The best time to plant a tree is 10 years ago. The second best time is today. African Proverb