True or False? The breadth of information you self disclose is related to the person with whom you are talking. The depth of information you self disclose is related to the reason you are disclosing and the level of intimacy in the relationship.

Relationships STAGES Are always changing Initiating Experimenting Intensifying Integrating Bonding Differentiating Circumscribing Stagnating Avoiding Terminating Are always changing Movement is always to a new place

REVIEW How do listening skills relate to healthy relationships? What can happen when there are differences in communication styles and listening styles in relationships?

Four Personal Listening Styles CONTENT ORIENTED: Focus on issues and arguments PEOPLE ORIENTED: Focus on feelings and emotions ACTION ORIENTED: Impatient and often finish speakers’ thoughts – tend to second guess TIME ORIENTED: Prefer bulleted talking points quickly and briefly.

FAULTY LISTENING Yes you can go to the concert, but I want you to call me when you get there, and I want you to take out the trash before you go, and you need to be home before 11:00 p.m. I don’t think you understand what I’m saying. I heard you. I heard you say that you want me home by 11:00 p.m. I heard what you said. Here we go again with the trash! Uh huh. I heard exactly what you said.

LISTENING What do good listeners look like? Verbally Nonverbally Listening is not a natural process. Listening requires effort (active not passive) All listeners do not receive the same message. We hear uniquely different messages Physiological factors, social roles, cultural background, personal interests, and needs.

Listening Stages Attending –Mindfulness. Understanding/Interpreting Responding Remembering

IN INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS INTIMACY IN INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS Male and female intimacy styles Cultural influences on intimacy

Intimacy Physical intimacy Intellectual exchanges Emotional disclosure Shared activities

Characteristics of Self-Disclosure Influenced by Culture Usually occurs in dyads Usually symmetrical Occurs incrementally FEW transactions involve high levels of self-disclosure

Reasons for Self-Disclosure Catharsis Self-Clarification Self-Validation Reciprocity Impression management Relationship maintenance and enhancement Control

Alternatives to Self-Disclosure Lies White Lies Equivocation Hinting Face Saving

Perspectives & Tensions Connection Predictability Openness Autonomy Novelty Privacy

Guidelines for Appropriate Self-Disclosure Is the other person important to you? Is the risk of disclosing reasonable? Are the amount and type of disclosure appropriate? Is the disclosure relevant to the situation at hand? Is the disclosure reciprocated? Will the effect be constructive? Is the the self-disclosure clear and understandable?

CHARACTERISTICS OF INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS Metacommunication Messages (usually relational) that refer to other messages: communication about communication.

SELF-DISCLOSURE IN INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

A Helical Model of Relational Cycles (figure 6-3)

CLASS ACTIVITIES: Self-Disclosure Johari Window