PIT STOP Handling Stress and Peer Pressure

Tonight’s Objectives Identify stressors in our lives and explore ways to cope Identify signs of stress in children Understand that unrealistic expectations can create stress Help children develop coping skills Recognize positive and negative dynamics of peer pressure Develop skills to teach children how to confront peer pressure

Survey on Common Stresses in the Family Handout

Stress On Families Comes From Many Sources Outside influences economy, demanding schedules, childcare Predictable changes in the family holidays, sibling rivalry, budgets, housekeeping duties, houseguests, vacations Unpredictable changes in the family illness, death, separation, relocation, financial burdens Developmental stages of parent and child

What is Stress? Stimulus in the environment Change An emotional, physical or behavioral reaction of the body to events Anxiety Feeling of a loss of control Sense of helplessness or panic

Change, any kind of change, causes stress. Stress can manifest physically, emotionally or behaviorally. It can be either short term or long term. Stress is a very individual response.

Is stress always negative? No, it can be a motivating element. Many people function at their best when under some stress.

Positive Stress is “Eustress” Motivational Short term Negative Stress is “Distress” Too intense Too long May cause harmful effects

Signs of Stress in Parents Handout

Decisions we make day in and day out Modern day pressures are much stronger than 20 years ago, and at younger ages – Bullying – Cheating – Skipping school – Vandalism – Stealing – Sexual activity – Drug and alcohol use

Where does it come from? Begins at age 3 or 4: “If you don’t let me ride your tricycle, I’m going home” or “If you don’t let me be first, I won’t be your friend anymore” Usually comes from best friends; friends just a year or two older; the popular group; boyfriends or girlfriends

Why is it so hard? Children must be able to respond quickly, 30 to 60 seconds to get out of a situation Just saying no is not enough; Need more than one technique to get out of situations Peer pressure responses are usually emotion driven decisions

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Handout 1

Children want to be accepted and keep their friends. Being a part of a group is very important to children. Coaxing and teasing by peers can be extremely difficult, overwhelming and confusing for children.

Children who are most vulnerable: Aren’t used to making own responsible decisions Lack self confidence Lack social skills Are impulsive Lack understanding of cause and effect Lack adequate supervision Feel they must prove themselves in order to be accepted Come from troubled environments

Fantasies Can Cause Stress We all had fantasies about how our families SHOULD be… the perfect marriage being the perfect parent having the perfect child having perfect family holidays the perfect vacation

Where did these fantasies come from?  Television shows  Our parents and grandparents  Childhood stories that ended with, “…and they all lived happily ever after.”  Peer pressure (real or perceived)  Fantasies of family life can create unnecessary stresses and expectations.  Some are self-imposed  Some are placed on us by family members or society (“The magic of Christmas or Hanukkah” in the eyes of a young child

We need to develop a realistic view of our families, children and ourselves. There is sometimes conflict in a family. Children sometimes misbehave. Siblings sometimes fight. Both children and adults sometimes make mistakes. Beds sometimes go unmade. Cars sometimes break down. Muddy feet sometimes walk through the house.

Children of today have a different lifestyle than you may have had. How can we convince our children that there are no monsters when they hear and see reports on TV of kidnapping and molestation? How can they roam happily about the neighborhood when they know it is unsafe? How can their family be secure when more than half of their friends live in single parent or stepparent situations?

35 % of American children suffer stress-related health problems 8 million US children have emotional or other mental health problems Many of the causes are attributed to the different stressors that our children face now Temperament can affect how a child responds to stress Stress is cumulative Greatest risk of stress in children is between ages of 9 and 14

Keep in Mind: A child’s response to circumstances cannot reach beyond his stage of development. What are some pressures that might put your child in this kind of stress?

Pushing a child to read before he or she is developmentally ready Allowing a child to dress in the way of a much older child or adult Placing a child in competitive group sports before the child is developmentally able to handle this type of physical or social situation

Allowing a child to view a movie that is not appropriate for his or her age Allowing a child to date before developmentally appropriate

Symptoms of Stress Ages 5-12 Irritability Increased fears and worries Sadness Anger Short temper Sensitivity Excessive crying

Impatience Acting out behaviors Difficulties getting along with siblings and peers Drop in school performance Eating or Sleeping problems Defiance or hostility Withdrawal Dependency on others

How can parents help with peer pressure? Communicate your beliefs and values to your children Set boundaries; say no when appropriate Provide opportunities for your child to experience decision making success Teach skills of assertiveness, understanding consequences, thinking before acting Know where your children are, who their friends are (influence them as needed), know their parents Teach appropriate responses

Peer Pressure Reversal Handout 2

Modeling Responsible Decision Making Handout 3

How Can Parents Reduce Stress for Their Child? Handout 4