SAFE DATES SESSION 3 WHY DO PEOPLE ABUSE?

CLASSROOM RULES 1.Respect each others opinions 2.Listen to each other ( No talking while someone else is speaking) 3.No Names 4.1 person is talking at time 5.No Laughing

REVIEW Session 1- Caring Relationships: Ways we want to be treated v Ways we want to treat Session 2- Abusive Relationships: Emotional v Physical Today Session 3- Reasons why people abuse

SCENARIO 1: SARA & MICHAEL 1.How does Michael want Sara to act? 2.Why might Michael want Sara to act this way? 3.How is Michael getting Sara to act this way?

REASONS FOR MICHAEL’S BEHAVIOR Michael is being abusive by trying to control the way Sara acts. Scenario 1 is about Jealousy a. It’s ok to feel jealous but limiting who someone can talk with is abusive b. Having a BF/GF who’s so jealous they don’t want you talking to others may seem flattering at first but is actually a way of controlling you. If this behavior continues its likely that the victim will become isolated from family and friends. c. One way to control a BF/GF’s behavior is to pair abusive behavior with nice behavior. This type of behavior hooks the victim even more. Seeing a person act sweet makes it hard to leave him or her.

SCENARIO 2: MARIO & CASSIE 1.How does Mario want Cassie to feel? 2.Why might Mario want Cassie to feel this way? 3.How does Mario get Cassie to feel this way?

SCENARIO 2: MARIO & CASSIE Another reason that people may abuse their BF/GF is to control the way she or he feels. a. Often people who abuse want their BF/GF to feel bad about himself or herself so they feel dependent on the dating partner, and therefore less likely to leave

WARNING SIGNS OF ABUSE -Too often relationships become painful and even dangerous before someone seeks help Why? -There are certain behaviors that can alert you to abusive behaviors -We’re going to call these behaviors “Red Flags”

-Being physically hurt -Feeling afraid of bf/gf -Feeling isolated -Losing friends -Changing behavior because of bf/gf jealousy -Feeling embarrassed, put down, ashamed -Being threatened -Feeling manipulated or controlled -Being afraid to express your own feelings -Feeling nervous or sick to your stomach when bf/gf is angry -Not being allowed or being afraid of making a decision -Noticing bf/gf has very stereotypical beliefs about gender roles -Not having personal space respected RED FLAGS FOR PEOPLE WHO MAY BE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

-Physically assaulting bf/gf ( hitting, slapping pushing, kicking) -Intimidating your bf/gf -Becoming angry if bf/gf is spending time with other people -Asking your bf/gf to change his or her behavior because your jealous -Verbally threatening your bf/gf -Using guilt trips to get your bf/gf to do something -Feeling unable to control your own feelings of anger -Making your bf/gf afraid of you -Forcing your bf/gf to do sexual things that he/she is uncomfortable with RED FLAGS FOR PEOPLE WHO MAY BE ABUSING THEIR PARTNER

CONCLUSION -People may act abusive for different reasons -Abusive behaviors have a serious short/long-term consequences for the victim and the perpetrator -There are usually “Red Flags” or warning signs that a person may be abusive or abused -All the scenario’s that we read today could have ended differently. People can choose to act in cooperative, nonabusive ways. -It is never the victims fault that he/she has gotten hit, insulted, or threatened. -No one ever deserves to be abused