Conflict Management Resolution Strategies Bullying Decision Making Peer Pressure/Refusal Skills Goal Setting

“I’m SO Angry!”

“What are we so mad about anyway?(examples) Which movie to go see Cut off in traffic Someone spreading rumors ‘Stay at home mom’ or a career How late you can stay at a party Spending money How and where to spend your time Parents disagree with clothes/ hairstyle Can’t go to a school event because it falls on a religious holiday You were excluded from a group

Some conflicts are with YOURSELF! What is Conflict Conflict: a disagreement between people with opposing view points, ideas, or goals. Conflicts can be an exchange of words Group confrontations can be ongoing Conflicts that involve weapons can be serious Some conflicts are with YOURSELF!

What Causes Conflict? 3 major reasons 1. Resources: something usable, such as goods , property, money or time. Examples??? Couples who fight over finances, which restaurant, flu shot dispensed, study or go mall with mom, fighting over the computer… 2. Values: your beliefs and ideas you consider important Examples??? Browns fan, daily PE class, politics, Emotional Needs: the need to belong and feel respected and worthwhile examples??? Left out, dis-respected, put down, feel it’s unfair didn't make the science Olympiad, sports team etc…

Activity 1.What was it about? Think of a conflict you’ve had recently and briefly describe. Answer the following questions in your notes. 1.What was it about? 2. What caused it? (Resources, Values, Emotional) 3. Was it resolved? Explain.

Managing my Anger/Conflict If I learn to manage my anger then… If I don’t and conflicts get out of hand then… Release frustrations of life. Calls Attention to Problems Helps us understand self and other’s values Increases motivation to take action Brings about change Healthier relationships Anger can build and boil over Can lead to violence Irrational thinking Not pleasant to be around Lead to depression (esp.boys)

Activity #1 Write the following names on your paper. Leave some space under each. ABIGAIL GREG SLUG SINBAD THE SAILOR ABIGAIL’S MOM

What Are Values? Qualities, characteristics or ideas about which we feel strongly. Our values affect our decisions, goals, and behavior. Values make us feel and believe someone or something is worthwhile. Values define what is of worth, what is beneficial or harmful. Values are standards that guide your action, judgments and attitudes.

Values are like a map Give direction and consistency to behavior Values help you know what to and to make time for Values establish a relationship between you and the world Values set the direction for one’ life

Where do we get Values? Home Employers School Time period you were raised in Society Friends TV Church Music Books Families Culture

Common Universal Values honesty ----truthful and sincere integrity ----being consistent with beliefs trustworthiness ---keep promises/ fulfill commitment loyalty ---provide support and commitment based on ethical needs fairness ----committed to justice, equal treatment, and respect for diversity caring ---concern for well being of an individual, self, and environment respect ----confidence in beliefs and values and knowledge you understand and support the rights in others to express their beliefs responsibility ----contribution to society in a positive way and encourages participation of others pursuit of excellence ----pride in work, best effort, and reflection of work accountability ----consider and accept the impact and consequences of personal actions and decisions

…Types of Values Personal ( never curse, exercise everyday) Family ( kids have chores, eat at table every night) Work ( punctuality, hard worker, loyal) Moral ( do the right thing, i.e. find money) Spiritual ( church every week, marry someone same faith) Monetary ( spendthrift, saver)

Ages 8-13-----teachers, heroes(sports TV) Your age greatly influences your values. Different people and things influence you at different ages. Ages 1-7------parents Ages 8-13-----teachers, heroes(sports TV) Ages 14-20----peers( values because of peers or peers because of values? Ages 21+---your values are established, but you may test your values from time to time.

$1,000.00 Activity #2 You were just presented with a check for: List all the things you would do with the money.

**How you spend your time reflects your values too! Activity #3 List several things you did during the past week. **How you spend your time reflects your values too!

Hypocrite- One who subscribes to one set of values, and does another. Immaturity- one who has not defined their values, flighty, drifters, uncertain Maturity-clear values, life of purpose, meaning and direction

Assignment 10 unfinished sentences assignment. Answer individually then out loud to a group. Write down all the answers and the values they represent.

Take a time out: Calm Down cool down

Attack the Problem not the person No name calling or put downs

Let each person ask questions to understand their point of view “hmmm how would I feel” Ask Questions

Keep brainstorming reasonable ways to handle the situation Make a list Find a middle ground Find a creative solution

“I Feel…” Explain how his or actions make you feel

Ask for Help If you cannot resolve problem yourself.

Effective Conflict Management or Resolution Strategies T.A.L.K.   Take a time out        to calm down and think through my anger.   Allow each person to tell his or her side        then paraphrase the other persons position. Let each person ask questions        in order to view the issue from the others point of view.   Keep brainstorming solutions        either to find the middle ground or creative solution

Decision-making skills 1. Identify the Problem (Identify, ask yourself questions, what choices do you need to make and who else if anyone is involved) What are the choices (List everything, ask for suggestions and make sure they are safe.) Gather Information- what’s helpful to know before making a decision Consider outcomes and values (honesty, respect and trust) Consequences of each options H.E.L.P. (Healthful Ethical Legal and Parent approval) Make a decision and act. (Ready to take action, choose a course that supports your values, the impact of all choices on self and others and ask a trusted adult if unsure.) Evaluate your decision (Reach expectations, how did it affect others, how you feel about yourself and what could you do differently)

Pre Game-Warm Up Make a list of different ways people communicate.

The Importance of Communicating Skills don’t just happen…Need to practice! Start and Keep Relationships strong Help people grow closer( shared interests..) Vital to many areas of your life (Teacher – student / work place, marriages)

Practicing Communication Skills What is communication? What is body language and why should I care? How can I communicate better? Identify ways of being a good listener Communicate using “I messages”

Communication Skills Communication: The exchange of thoughts, feelings, beliefs and wants between two or more people. Just talking to someone does not guarantee good communication the listener may be daydreaming, speaker too fast, It’s a skill to be learned and practiced

It’s not what you say… It’s HOW you say it Communication Skills Non Verbal (without words) “Thank Yoooooo???” “THANK you!” ‘thank you.’ It’s not what you say… It’s HOW you say it Tone of Voice Facial expressions Body Language posture Gestures TV Muteed figure it out; people talking with hands moving may reveal clues; Tone: you may sound angry w/o realizing it. Then you may risk sending a MIXED MESSAGE

Communication Skills Sometimes verbal and non verbal messages can send two different messages. For that reason, be aware of the non verbal messages you send= MIXED MESSAGE: occurs when your words say one thing but your body language says another. (i.e. “sorry” while grinning) What does that tell the other person? Other examples??????

“You can’t do anything right!” Communication Skills You Messages: (blame /aggressive) “You can’t do anything right!” I Messages- A statement that presents a situation from the speaker’s personal feelings/viewpoint: “I’m mad because I wanted to work on the project together”

Effective Verbal Communication: Communication Skills Effective Verbal Communication: Speaking Skills Listening Skills Be clear Eye Contact Use “I messages” Pay attention Stay Calm Lean forward-’really?’ Stick to the point THINK first-then… Choose the right time/place Ask open Questions Be aware of tone and B Language Calm- louder not better, unheard not settled. Stick to the point-think through1st. Time place= no hurries or busy find quiet little interuption. BL=eye contact show sincere

Active Listening is hearing, thinking about and responding to the other person’s message. More Listening Tips! Concentrate on what the other person is saying. Don’t be thinking about what you are going to say next or interrupt. Nod your head to show you are listening- give feed back”(then what happened?” Let the person finish speaking! Stay calm- even if you’re hearing something you don’t like Keep an open mind; Listen even if you disagree accept that others won’t always think the same way you do. TV distraction, frustrating only means something if the person actually receives it.

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Peer Pressure & Refusal Skills pushed toward making a certain choice.   A Peer is someone in your own age group.   Peer Pressure someone your own age, is pushing you toward making a certain choice

Something said to you directly Peer Pressure Spoken: Something said to you directly Unspoken: When you feel you are supposed to do something Spoken vs. Unspoken

“…what should I be doing/ wearing…????? Sometime the internal pressure we put on ourselves can be the hardest!! Saying NO to ourselves can be difficult. Tears down self confidence over time. Creates more drama and stress!

Peer Pressure Examples of Positive Honor Roll Make a team/club     Make a team/club   Follow the rules   Respect others Group Fitness Running group

Peer Pressure Examples of Negative Underage drinking/smoking Gossiping Stealing   Fighting   Bullying Ditching a friend

List reasons it is difficult to say no… …  want to be accepted and liked by people my own age. … are afraid of being rejected   …don’t want to lose a friend …  want to appear grown up …  don’t want to be made fun of …don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings …  aren’t sure of what they really want …  don’t know how to get out of the situation I ….

Peer Pressure Bag of tricks (Spoken Pressure) PUT DOWN Insulting or name calling to make someone feel bad

Giving reasons to do something or why it would be OK REASONING Giving reasons to do something or why it would be OK (Spoken pressure)

REJECTION Threatening to leave someone out or end a friendship (spoken pressure)

THE HUDDLE A GROUP STANDS TOGETHER LAUGHING OR TALKING, WITH THEIR BACKS TO OTHERS (UNSPOKEN)

The EXAMPLE Popular kids simply buy or wear something, because they set an example, others want to follow (unspoken)

THE LOOK Kids who think they’re cool give a look that means: we’re cool, and you’re not” (Unspoken pressure)

Refusal and Negotiation Skills S.T.O.P. Say no in a firm voice Tell why not Offer other ideas Promptly leave

Refusal Responses “Everyone’s Doing it” You’re wrong… I’m not doing it” “ A real friend would do it” “A real friend wouldn't ask” “Are you afraid?” “No, just smart”

A clear message depends on the way you communicate Aggressive: Overly forceful, pushy, hostile Passive Giving up, giving in, backing down, easy to persuade. Assertive Confidence and clearly stating your intentions

Conflict vs. Bullying Conflict is a normal part of most relationships because people have different perspectives and priorities People can also be hurtful to each other because of thoughtlessness, annoyance, poor boundaries, and experimenting with negative uses of their power without realizing the impact

Bullying Bullying – a more powerful person who picks on a less powerful person or group of persons. Forms of bullying Including physical threats or violence; name-calling and teasing; ostracism; and social attacks on someone’s reputation People can bully others directly, in person; indirectly, such as by gossiping or ‘badmouthing’ by voice to others; or through any form of communication technology including talking on the phone, writing, texting, emailing, tweeting, facebook (and other social media), and recording

Cyber Bullying Steps to reduce cyber bullying Do not respond or reply electronically Save the evidence Tell a trusted adult Report the issue to the cite

3 things you can do to stop bullying: 1. Tell an Adult. 2. Reach Out to the Victim 3. Stand up to the Bully.