Chapter 7 Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships

What Is Love? Difficult to define special attitude with behavioral and emotional components different things to different people difficult to measure

What Is Love? (cont.) Rubin's "love scale" 3 components attachment caring intimacy

Types of Love Passionate love (infatuation) intense psychological feelings generalized physiological arousal, strong sexual desire avoid conflict, feelings of completeness short-lived

Types of Love (cont.) Companionate love less intense friendly affection & deep attachment familiarity & tolerance for short-comings more enduring than passionate love

Types of Love (cont.) Sternberg's triangular theory 3 components passion intimacy commitment

Types of Love (cont.) Fig. 7.1 Sternberg’s love triangle: (passion, intimacy and commitment) and the various kinds of love as reflected in different combinations of the three components. Note: Nonlove is the absence of all three components.

Types of Love (cont.) Sternberg's triangular theory passion builds then fades intimacy & commitment continue to build variations in components yield different kinds of love intimacy alone = friendship passion alone = infatuation commitment alone = empty love

Types of Love (cont.) Fig. 7.2 Sternberg theorizes that the passion component of love peaks early in a relationship and then declines, whereas the other two components, intimacy and commitment, continue to build gradually over time.

Types of Love (cont.) Lee's styles of loving romantic (eros) game-playing (ludus) possessive (mania) compassionate (storge) altruistic (agape) pragmatic (pragma)

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom The chemistry of love neurotransmitters norepinephrine dopamine phenylethylamine (PEA) oxytocin endorphins loss and neurotransmitter withdrawal

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.) Proximity mere exposure effect familiarity breeds predictability  greater comfort greater proximity often reflects shared interests

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.) Similarity level of physical attractiveness age, educational status and religion race and ethnicity Why? share similar interests & activities communicate better confirm own views & experiences supportive of values & beliefs

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.) Fig. 7.5 Noncohabitational Sexual Partnerships by Race and Sex

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.) Reciprocity when someone shows they like us, we tend to like them back increases self-esteem increases likelihood of relationship enduring

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.) Physical attractiveness "what's beautiful is good" belief status by association most important in early stages may be an indice of physical health heterosexual males place greater value

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.) Sociobiology- behavior explained by evolutionary needs (Buss) men attracted to young attractive females to maximize reproductive success women attracted to older, established men to maximize their reproductive success

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.) Fig. 7.3 How willing would you be to marry someone who….

The Development of Intimacy Self-love genuine interest, concern, respect for self prerequisite for a satisfying relationship with others

Love and Styles of Attachment Attachment; intense emotional tie Attachment style (Ainsworth) secure attachment insecure attachment anxious-ambivalent attachment Attachment styles in adulthood

The Development of Intimacy (cont.) The phases of a relationship inclusion: an invitation to relate response: agreeing to relate care: concern for other's welfare trust: support and care for each other affection: warmth & attachment; desire playfulness: delight in each other genitality: decision to engage in sex

Issues in Loving Relationships Relationship between love & sex several possibilities questions to ask does sexual intimacy deepen a love relationship? do men & women have different views of sex & love?

Issues in Loving Relationships (cont.) Does sexual orientation affect views of sex & love? homosexual men more likely to separate love from sex; lesbians more likely to postpone sex until intimacy has been established falling in love with a same sex person often helps in gay or lesbian identity

Issues in Loving Relationships (cont.) Sex & relationships on your terms sexual expression is an individual decision steps to take knowing and asking for what you want friendships without sex saying "not yet" to sex ending a relationship managing rejection

Issues in Loving Relationships (cont.) Jealousy in relationships Jealousy-prone person low self-esteem high value on wealth and popularity Negative consequences precipitates partner violence stifles relationship development raises anxiety, depression, anger Sex differences

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.) Ingredients in lasting love relationship self-acceptance appreciation of each other's qualities commitment good communication, realistic expectations and shared interests ability to face & deal with conflict

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.) Characteristics of high quality relationships Supportive communication Companionship Sexual expression and variety Seeing partner as best friend Maintaining frequent positive interaction

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.) Individual and relationship growth growth and change maintain relationship overcome obstacles view problems as challenges negotiate and renegotiate wants accept each other as unique

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.) Sexual Variety communication is critical be spontaneous plan for intimate time don't worry about frequency "standards"