RECLAIMING ONE’S LIFE AFTER ABUSE 6/29/2014 9:02 PM RECLAIMING ONE’S LIFE AFTER ABUSE Darlene J. Harris San Diego City College World Cultures Program 9/23/14 © 2007 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved. Microsoft, Windows, Windows Vista and other product names are or may be registered trademarks and/or trademarks in the U.S. and/or other countries. The information herein is for informational purposes only and represents the current view of Microsoft Corporation as of the date of this presentation. Because Microsoft must respond to changing market conditions, it should not be interpreted to be a commitment on the part of Microsoft, and Microsoft cannot guarantee the accuracy of any information provided after the date of this presentation. MICROSOFT MAKES NO WARRANTIES, EXPRESS, IMPLIED OR STATUTORY, AS TO THE INFORMATION IN THIS PRESENTATION.

DEFINITIONS Reclaiming To recover, To take back what was taken

WHAT IS RAPE / SEXUAL ABUSE IDENTIFYING CRIMES WHAT IS RAPE / SEXUAL ABUSE Rape is any kind of sexual intercourse (vaginal, oral, or anal) that is committed against a person's will or is committed with physical force or with a threat to hurt the victim or another person. It is also considered rape if the victim is intoxicated or unconscious and unable to give consent. Rape and sexual assault are not about sexual desire--they are about power and control. American society is the most violent in the industrialized world. Many aspects of the American culture contribute to a climate that fosters rape, including the objectification of women in advertising, violent pornography, and the oppression of women in the legal system. Karen Calivart -And He Restoreth My Soul published by Westbow Press a Division of Thomas Nelson and Zondervan 2011

IDENTIFYING CRIMES Molestation is the crime of sexual acts with children up to the age of 18, including touching of private parts or exposure Babies as young as 1 to 8 days old have been reported to have been sexually penetrated and sodomized by teenage and adult abusers The 15 year old who raped his 8 day old daughter was release because of a technicality he didn’t received a speedy trial. 1-day-old and still in the hospital, after a routine examination, vaginal tears were found on the infant. Police are only saying the tears were made with an “unknown object”. He received 10 minus the 11 months he had served. At the information I found was that the remaining part of his time would be served on probation.

IDENTIFYING CRIMES Child abuse (maltreatment) physical abuse molestation psychological abuse (what are some examples) neglect

WHO ARE THE ABUSERS? Abusers can be parents or other family members, caregivers such as teachers or babysitters, acquaintances (including other children), and (in very rare instances) strangers

IDENTIFYING CRIMES Domestic Violence The willful intimidation, physical assault, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior perpetrated by an intimate partner against another

WHO IS AFFECTED Women are attacked about six times more often by offenders with whom they had an intimate relationship than are male violence victims Nearly 32 percent of all female homicide victims are killed by their husbands, former husbands or boyfriends

WHO IS AFFECTED In contrast, only 3 percent of male homicide victims are killed by their wives, former wives or girlfriends Everyday in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends Because husband/boyfriends rarely report intimate relationship abuse. Therefore, most of the data I will share today is related to women.

WHO IS AFFECTED BY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence or self- harm if presented with a breakup Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually How many of you know of someone who experienced Domestic Violence?

WARNING SIGNS The existence of emotional, mental and verbal abuse Threats and intimidation Isolation from family and friends

WARNING SIGNS Controls all the family finances Violence may escalate when alcohol / drugs are used Gives expensive gifts after violent acts Uses electronic devices to keep track of your location Do you know of anyone who receives excessive phone calls from their spouse or intimate partner?

TRUE OR FALSE Children make up stories about being sexually assaulted People who sexually assault children are strangers to the child Most sexual assaults happen in the home or in the home of people the child knows ANSWERS - FALSE , FALSE, FALSE, TRUE, FALSE

TRUE OR FALSE 30% to 60% of perpetrators of intimate partner violence also abuse children in the household The cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $5.8 billion each year, $4.1 billion of which is for direct medical and mental health services Domestic violence is one of the most chronically under reported crimes True, True, True

INJURIES DUE TO INTIMATE-PARTNER VIOLENCE scratches, bruises, broken bones, dislocated joints head or spinal cord injuries chipped or broken teeth internal injuries Nearly 80% of those who receive medical care are treated in a hospital, and 43.6% of those victims spend one or more nights there rape.http://www.whitehouse.gov/sites/default/files/docs/sexual_assault_report_1-21-14.pdf Domestic Violence Victims and Rape Victims lose days from work which impacts their co-workers as well as the bottom line (Employer Income)

DAMAGES CAUSED BY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Emotional/Mental Blackmail Loss of Safety, Loss of boundaries, fear Abandonment – when incest is the crime Depression – psychological imbalance Sadness, overwhelmed Feelings of Betrayal – especially when the crime involves someone the victim knows or when a parent is the perpetrator Guilt – blaming oneself Shame Death – as a result of the crime

THE ECONOMIC IMPACT- COSTS Studies indicate from $87,000 to $240,776 per rape The cost of domestic violence to the US economy is more than $8.3 This cost includes medical care, mental health services, and lost of productivity http://www.whitehohttp://www.caepv.org/getinfo/facts_stats.php?factsec=2 use.gov/sites/default/files/docs/sexual_assault_report_1-21-14.pdf

FEDERAL SENTENCING A favorable decision from the courts does not bring healing Federal law maximum sentence for sexual assault is 20 years + monetary fines Federal law provides compensation to victims for expenses directly related to the crime such as medical, physical and occupational therapy, attorney fees and other related expenses See more at: http://criminal.findlaw.com/criminal-charges/sexual-assault-penalties-and-entencing

PENALTY FOR RAPE IN CALIFORNIA Victim over 14 years of age (but not age of consent) the potential sentence seven to eleven years Victim under 14 years of age the potential sentence nine to thirteen years (this is Statutory Rape)

PENALTY FOR THE CRIME Domestic Violence Prosecution Attorney determines if the crime is a Misdemeanor vs.Felony Please consult an attorney specializing in Domestic Violence Law.

PENALTY FOR THE CRIME The state might also consider the defendant's prior or current criminal record and decide whether to pursue enhanced sentencing Note: State laws are constantly changing -- please contact a California criminal defense attorney or conduct your own legal research to verify the state law(s) you are researching How then can a survivor move from a fragmented state of being to wholeness?

WHAT CAN WE DO? A Home is ALWAYS meant for a family to live peacefully. Healing means acknowledging, accepting that we were hurt. And that that hurt involved three areas: body, mind, and spirit So, is healing possible? YES! If YES then HOW?

A Safety Plan - A prevention center can help with this HEALING Healing is not an overnight process. It takes time….. A Safety Plan - A prevention center can help with this Center For Community Solutions www.ccssd.org Therapy - Choose carefully (recommendations/ referrals)

Healing - Continued Beyond Survivor - Is a Three Stage Process for healing developed by Rachel Grant Coach@rachelgrantcoaching.com or 415-513-0700 Network - Develop a strong network of trusted friends/family to help you through Groups - Joining a recommended group is very helpful because you don’t feel so alone. http://www.rachelgrantcoaching.com/more-media/ http://rachelgrantcoaching.com/media/beyond-surving-guidebook-excerpt.pdf

DEVELOPING A NEW MIND-SET Parents - Make an effort to know children's friends and their families. Boundaries - Teach, communicate and set Education - parents, schools, higher education Create and develop - listening communication skills Demonstrate RESPECT in the HOME

DATING ETIQUETTE TO REMEMBER! Trust your instincts and Trust yourself and act accordingly Examine your own feelings about sex Non-verbals signals- these are 70% to 90% of our communication Be Independent and Aware of your Surroundings

The soul is a lot more fragile than the human flesh.” So Be Kind To YOU! Thank you it has been my pleasure to be in your presence.