BULLYING PREVENTION at Paul Norton School Bullying is not allowed at Paul Norton: we will not have bullying when EVERYONE becomes a helpful friend and when there are no BYSTANDERS! Bullying Prevention Unit for the Bettendorf Elementary Counseling Program created by Shelley Klaas, Counselor, Neil Armstrong

Bullies, Targets, Bystanders BULLY A bully is someone who is picking on or harassing someone else. He or she does not do this just once, but many times. Harassment is a pattern of this behavior over a period of time. TARGET A target is someone who is being picked on or harassed. A target is someone who has been hurt by a bully. BYSTANDER A bystander is someone who watches the bullying, but does nothing about it.

Bully-Proofing Our School: Norton’s Mission: To make our school safe for our entire community. We will do this by: Stop the behavior – there are “no-bullying rules” at our school. Every teacher and staff member will enforce these rules. The Norton counseling program will teach students about “bullies, targets, and bystanders,” helping every student to acquire the skills to handle bullying as well as to stop bullying behavior by refusing to be a bystander! What the students will do: speak out! Students will help each other. They will not be afraid to do the right thing (stick up for the target and tell bullies, “no more”) or to get an adult to help. How students will treat each other: the students will use extra effort to INCLUDE EVERYONE and to use our motto of TREAT PEOPLE RIGHT AND DO THE RIGHT THING!

WHAT IS BULLYING??? Bullying happens when one person is more powerful than the other: because s/he is bigger, more “popular” or has more friends, and/or because he or she can make the other person feel less important. Bullying is not usually a one time problem: it is a repeated series of negative or hurtful behavior over time. Bullying can be done by one person or a group. Bullying is sometimes done to gain attention, popularity, or power and control. Bullying can be done to get one’s way or to gain material things. Bullying usually happens between children who are not friends and who don’t usually play together. Sometimes, however, a friend can “turn on” another friend with bullying behavior.

SOME PEOPLE THINK… Bullying is funny. Bullying is just a normal part of life. It’s not bullying behavior if the person says, “just kidding!” Talking about someone behind his or her back (when that person is not around) isn’t bullying. If someone bullies, it’s okay to get revenge. If you just ignore bullying, it will go away. THESE PEOPLE ARE WRONG!!! Bullying isn’t funny. Bullying isn’t just a part of growing up – no one should have to put up with bullying or being bullied! If someone says, “just kidding” but they continue the behavior when they know you don’t like it or it is hurtful, that person is a bully! Rumor spreading and gossiping are bullying behaviors! Getting revenge usually makes the problem bigger and worse. Ignoring bullying won’t make it go away!

So what is the difference between bullying and conflict? Bullying usually happens in secrecy or out of the way places...Conflict often happens where others can see it. Bullying usually involves one person being targeted…Conflict may involve a number of people and there are no “targets.” When bullying happens, threats are often used and bullies hurt people with words and/or actions. When conflict happens, it may involve fighting but both people fight (and it usually stops quickly!) Bullies are not usually friends with their targets. In a conflict, friends or classmates usually work out their problems.

How Do Kids Bully? 1. By physical aggression: tripping, pushing, shoving, hitting, destroying someone else’s things, etc. 2. By socially alienating through gossiping, spreading rumors, excluding from a group, humiliating in front of everyone, threatening to keep out of the group, etc. 3. By verbal aggression such as mocking, name calling, teasing, intimidating phone calls or email, or verbal threats. 4. By intimidating through playing a dirty trick, taking possessions, trying to get someone to do something that is wrong, threatening to harm someone the person cares about, etc.

Why-oh-why. Why Do People Bully. To get power. To gain popularity Why-oh-why? Why Do People Bully? To get power. To gain popularity. To get attention or material things. To act out problems they are having at home or at school or….. just because they feel like it!

Who is likely to be a bully??? A child who does not have EMPATHY. (Remember, empathy means trying to understand how the other person feels.) A child who does not feel guilty when s/he hurts another. A child who likes being aggressive. A child who believes the target deserves what happened. A child who likes to be in charge and get his or her own way; a child who likes to have POWER. A child whose parents or older siblings are bullying him or her. A child who thinks someone else is treating him or her badly. ANY CHILD CAN BE A BULLY! (But don’t let it be you!!!)

Who is likely to be a target??? A child who is isolated or alone during much of the school day. A child who feels a little more anxious, nervous, or insecure. A child who is smaller or weaker and unable to defend him or herself. A child who cries easily, gives up when bullied, or can’t stick up for him or herself. A child who has some kind of disability. A child who has been hurt at home. A child who teases or bothers other children. A child who tries not to give in to the bully, but gets very upset when she or he does lose. A child by whom the bully may be threatened (because the bully sees him or her as more “popular,” better at a sport or activity, etc.) ANY CHILD CAN BECOME THE TARGET OF A BULLY!

SO WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT? How to show I CARE if someone is bullied: Creative problem-solving (with someone you trust) Adult help – don’t be afraid to get it! Respond to bullying (do not be a bystander; stand up!) Empathy (try to understand how others feel and use that understanding to treat people right and do the right thing!)

RULES FOR BULLY-PROOFING OUR CLASSROOM: We will not bully other students: no gossip, no rumor spreading, no excluding, no threatening or harassing, no tricks, etc. We will help others who are being bullied by speaking out and getting adult help. We will use extra effort to include all students in activities at our school. We will treat others the way we would like to be treated!

Let’s Try the “Ha, Ha, So” Strategies! How to Help Ourselves: Let’s Try the “Ha, Ha, So” Strategies! Help - know when and how to ask for it! Assert yourself (not passive/not aggressive.) Humor – try to use it to de-escalate a situation. Avoid – try the avoid strategy when you know you might encounter a bullying situation or a bully. Self-talk – use clear mind thinking to keep your self-esteem up and to help you think of solutions. Options/others – use the best option you can think of for the situation (and use others to help you!) Remember: if you are being bullied, it is not your fault. Ask for help! If you see bullying, do not be a bystander! Stick up for the target and get help if you need it. Most importantly – if we ALL refuse to allow bullying at Paul Norton, it will not happen, so let’s do this TOGETHER as a Caring Community!

If you’re tempted to bully…. Try these conflict resolution skills: If you’re angry, cool down: take a few deep breaths, count to ten, get a drink, take a break from the situation, etc. When you’re ready to talk, try to state your view of the problem. Use “I” statements and try to avoid those starting with “you” or blaming: “I think we have a problem because…” “I’m angry because…” “I want to talk to you about…” Try to use active listening when the other person is talking. Brainstorm “win-win” solutions. Pick a solution and talk about how you will try it. Remember to ask yourself: “Is it safe?” “How will the other person feel?” “Is it fair?” “Will it work?” REMEMBER: “All of our feelings are okay, it’s what we do with them that counts.” Anger is the most difficult feeling to handle, so don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your counselor can help you learn to manage your feelings.

CREATING A CARING COMMUNITY! Only YOU can do it! Take an honest look at teasing and bullying: “Do I tease, exclude, or bully in any way?” “Have I laughed when someone else was being hurt?” “Have I stood up or stood by?” “Can I make a change – starting today?” WITH YOUR HELP, PAUL NORTON WILL BE A SAFE PLACE FOR EVERYONE!

A film to watch and discuss: