Four Themes in Counseling Copyright © Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D Exodus International Latinoamerica Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist ChristianMentalHealth.com 220 Montgomery St., Suite 1098, San Francisco, CA Tel (510) Fax (510)

1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 24 The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it. (NIV)

Specific Treatment Areas (Copyright © Melvin Wong, Ph.D. 2000) 1. S piritual –I–I–I–Increase Pursuit of Holiness-Maturity 2. I deational (Mindset) –R–R–R–Reduction of Intrusive Thoughts 3. B ehavioral –R–R–R–Reduce Masturbation & Acting-Outs 4. R elational –I–I–I–Increase Male Non-Sexual Friendships

Specific Male Treatment Issues (Copyright © Melvin Wong, Ph.D. 2000) Spiritual:Affirmation of Self-worth & Christ-likeness Homosexual Urges vs. Behaviors (Acting-Out) Homosexual Urges vs. Behaviors (Acting-Out) –Initial Ideation & Urges not sinful but legitimate »Heterosexual Ideation & Urges are not sinful –Developed Ideations-Plans are sinful: Lust Mat 5:28 Assure of Gods Patience in Forgiveness Assure of Gods Patience in Forgiveness –Acceptance Go and sin no more… Leave your life of sin John 8:11 Learning to Trust God in Recovery & Healing Learning to Trust God in Recovery & Healing –Stock-Market Trend: Cyclical-Rise improvement Prayers & Worship: Heavenly-Earthly Father Prayers & Worship: Heavenly-Earthly Father

Specific Male Treatment Issues (Copyright © Melvin Wong, Ph.D. 2000) Ideations: Reduction of Intrusive Thoughts Explain thought origin, validation not encouragement Explain thought origin, validation not encouragement –Desperate crave for intimacy and acceptance Develop insight into precursors of thoughts: HALT Develop insight into precursors of thoughts: HALT Re-interpret to reframe the meaning of the thoughts Re-interpret to reframe the meaning of the thoughts –Neediness and affirmation needs Re-direct thoughts with more competitive thoughts Re-direct thoughts with more competitive thoughts –Accountability partner-tell a friend Medication: SSRIs (Selective-Serotonin-Reuptake Inhibitors) Medication: SSRIs (Selective-Serotonin-Reuptake Inhibitors) –Fluoxetine:Prozac, Sertraline:Zoloft, Paroxetine:Paxil

Specific Male Treatment Issues (Copyright © Melvin Wong, Ph.D. 2000) Behaviors:Reduce Masturbation & Acting-Outs Goal is to reduce frequency and intensity Goal is to reduce frequency and intensity Check-in with client weekly: Accountability Check-in with client weekly: Accountability –How did it feel afterwards? Good but bad! Reduce stimuli: No Cyperporn, chats, media Reduce stimuli: No Cyperporn, chats, media Positive-Negative reinforcements Positive-Negative reinforcements –Commendations, Loss of spouse, rubber-bands Medication: Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil help Medication: Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil help

Specific Male Treatment Issues (Copyright © Melvin Wong, Ph.D. 2000) Relational: Increase Male non-sexual friendships Reduce same-sex pedestal effect of males Reduce same-sex pedestal effect of males –Develop insight of over-adulation and devaluation Develop courage to befriend attractive males Develop courage to befriend attractive males –Sexual-attraction desensitization, ego-stability –Im one of the guys! I cant believe I belong! –Learn to keep relationships: reduce jealousy Group meetings-activities with guys Group meetings-activities with guys –Attend regular self-help groups: EA, SAs, Exodus

Femininity Identity Crisis & the Development of Lesbianism Great hurts and pains from males Great hurts and pains from males –Fathers who failed or abused them Believes mother is weak as a woman Believes mother is weak as a woman –Rejects self as women; Rejects womanhood (Pain) as being unsafe Sexual abuse-promiscuity resulting in men-hating Sexual abuse-promiscuity resulting in men-hating If I can be a man I will be safe from harm! If I can be a man I will be safe from harm! –Multi-layered-loose clothes, Walk like a man, talks like a man I hate make-up Its oppressive-sexism- slave!

What do Lesbians say about themselves? Im unhappy with being a woman; its weakness Im unhappy with being a woman; its weakness When I discovered the gay bar, I finally came home When I discovered the gay bar, I finally came home I feel like I am a man in a womans body I feel like I am a man in a womans body I dont need men, I hate-despise them! I dont need men, I hate-despise them! I am more homo-emotional than homosexual I am more homo-emotional than homosexual Smoking, alcohol and drugs are cool! Smoking, alcohol and drugs are cool! You dont understand how we love, its better! You dont understand how we love, its better! Women is a stronger sex! Men are weak! Women is a stronger sex! Men are weak!

Specific Treatment Issues for Lesbians (Copyright © Melvin Wong, Ph.D. 2000) Confront and Resolve the Painful Issues of Safety as a woman –R–R–R–Reconcile with mothers hurts –N–N–N–Not responsible for mothers pain: Mothers keeper? Trust man again as vulnerable but benevolent –F–F–F–Father as weak or hurtful (but not all are that way) –R–R–R–Reconcile with fathers dysfunctional background Re-embrace womanhood as okay –F–F–F–Femininity does not equal vulnerability (weakness) –W–W–W–Woman relationship can be emotionally gratifying –I–I–I–Its okay to be like mother: Bake, cook, lipstick, etc.

Acknowledge-resolve sexual abuse(s) –W–W–W–Work through pain to develop male-trust again Reconciliation with Mother and Father Say goodbye to girlfriends Attempt to embrace femininism –P–P–P–Put on a dress? Try cosmetics. Try high heels Have feminine affirmation by male-females Involve with womens groups

New Male Behaviors Self-Acceptance: Body-Comfort: Im okay! Male-Resocialization: I am one of the guys! Mother will be okay if I let her go! –M–M–M–Mom, do you want a son or a nurse? I cant be both! Accountability Person: No more secrets! Female-Resocialization –F–F–F–From I want a masculine woman who is not dependent –T–T–T–To Women can be feminine and they are attractive.

Emergence of the New-Self Overcoming the Expectations of Old Community –C–C–C–Change always unstablizing: Courage to move on –R–R–R–Rejection of others: You have Changed! What happened? Establishing a New Social Paradigm –R–R–R–Relationships are Neutral-Mutual: Non-Shame based –M–M–M–Male Non-Sexual Relationships –F–F–F–Female Non-Default Relationships: No more Safe-Retreats –F–F–F–Female Emotional-Physical-Sexual Relationships »O»O»O»Overcoming Fears: Enmeshment, Physical-Sexual Space »D»D»D»Dependency vs. Initiative Behaviors: Take a Lead! »M»M»M»Making a Commitment: Litmus Test of Enmeshment Resolution

What is Healing & Recovery? Presence or Absence of SSA Orientation? –R–R–R–Realistic Expectations: Some Traces of SSA –M–M–M–Memories Cant be Completely Obliterated, But Emotions Can Reduce Significantly Degree or Intensity of SSAs? –O–O–O–Overwhelming vs. In Passing Non-Dwelling The Recovered vs. The Strugglers –A–A–A–Addiction Cycles: Presence or Absence? –I–I–I–Intrusive Thoughts –P–P–P–Preoccupation & Obsessions –S–S–S–Secret vs. Honesty Litmus Tests: Stressful Times, Unstructured Times