Positive Relationships Lesson 4 Step 3: Look for Win-Wins

Conflicts in Relationships What do you think conflict is? Conflict is a disagreement or argument about something that you feel is important Conflict can be stressful for everyone involved. Why do you think that is? Whenever there is conflict between people it can create high levels of stress for the people involved. This, of course has a negative impact on their levels of well-being. Therefore it is very important in any well-being programme to address how we can reduce the impact of conflicts that arise and provide tools that can resolve conflicts before they begin to have a negative impact on our well-being. Some common causes of disagreements include Differences of opinions Wanting things our own way without taken account of the needs and feelings of others and An unwillingness or inability to understand the other persons’ viewpoint

Differences of Opinion – Who is right? What do you see in this image? Some people will see a vase in the centre while others will see two faces looking at each other. Both are correct.

Differences of Opinion – Who is right? People can see completely different things here – but both can be right at the same time People can disagree with each other but the more time they listen and try to understand the other person’s viewpoint the more disputes and conflicts can be reduced and even eliminated People can see completely different things here – but both can be right at the same time What do you see in this image. Some people will see a vase in the centre while others will see 2 faces looking at each other. Both are correct. So although people can disagree with each other the more time that people listen and try to understand the other person’s viewpoint the more that disputes and conflicts can be reduced and even eliminated.

4 Possible Outcomes When there is a conflict between people, there are four possible results or outcomes. Can you guess what they might be? Let’s find out what they are!

Conflicts - 4 Possible Outcomes Win-Lose: We insist on getting our way without any regard to the other person Lose-Win: We just give in to the other person even though we are very unhappy with outcome

Conflicts - 4 Possible Outcomes Lose-Lose: Both people are unwilling to change their position and in the end this results in an outcome that no one is happy with Win-Win: Both people work to come up with a solution that they both feel good about

Example of 4 Outcomes Win-Lose Lose-Win Lose-Lose Win-Win We are playing by my rules I don’t care what you say!! Lose-Win OK we will play by your rules but I really don’t like this!! Lose-Lose If you are going to be like that I am just not going to play today!! Win-Win So we play by your rules today and my rules tomorrow – great!! Whenever there is a disagreement or a conflict there are 4 possible outcomes that can arise. The first possibility is called Win-Lose. This is where we insist on getting our way without any regard to the other person in the dispute. The second possibility is Lose-Win. This is where you simply give in to the other person even though you are very unhappy with the outcome. This may be to avoid conflict in the moment but can often lead to greater conflict down the line as you feel you have been aggrieved on this occasion. The third possibility is Lose-Lose. Both parties are unwilling to change their position and in the end this results in an outcome that you both being unhappy about. The final possibility is Win-Win – the outcome we should aim for as much as possible. It this situation both parties work to come up with a solution that they both feel good about. It should be said that if we push for a win-lose position every time eventually this will result in a lot of Lose-Win or Lose-Lose outcomes in further disputes with that person as they decide that they have had enough and want a little revenge!! In pairs, share any experiences you may have had with any of these outcomes!

Consequences of each outcome No one wants Lose-Lose. Both people feel bad about what has happened and relationships can be damaged. If you always insist on Win-Lose this will result in a lot of Lose-Win or Lose-Lose outcomes in further disputes as the other person has enough and wants a little revenge!!

Consequences of each outcome Lose-Win may avoid conflict in the moment but lead to future conflict if you feel upset and look for revenge. Win-Win makes you both feel good about the outcome and it can strengthen your relationship over time.

Finding Win-Win Solutions Finding the best solution can take a little more time but it is worth it It requires us to listen to the other person to understand why there is a conflict and how their needs can be met When you have a disagreement with another person do you always know why there is a disagreement with that person? The fact is, very often we can jump to the wrong conclusion or don’t fully understand the reason the other person is in dispute with us. If you are having a disagreement with someone do you want to do the talking or are you more interested in listening to them? Most of us want to do the talking and want the other person to listen. Does the other person want to talk or listen? Of course the other person feels the same way so they want to talk as well. When they speak first what are you thinking about when they are speaking? The chances are you are not thinking about what they are saying – you are thinking about what you re going to say to them.

Have a Look! Let’s look at a short video about a conflict that arose http://www.otb.ie/wwb-dr-seuss Let’s look at a short video about a conflict that arose Think what approach each person took and whether it was effective or not To help the children understand the importance of thing win-win and the problems with having a win-lose attitude we can show them this video and ask them a series of follow-up questions. Let’s look at the video now and then think of your own responses to the follow-up questions www.otb.ie/wwb-dr-seuss

Pupil Book Time Now it’s time to do some activities in our Weaving Well-Being Pupil Books. We will also have a homework challenge to try this week to help us to create our own well-being.