Interpersonal Relationships Communicating and Relating Effectively CHAPTER 11 Pages 355 – 386 Interpersonal Relationships Communicating and Relating Effectively to Others Michael Turino, 2008

Is it really this bad? Perhaps John Gray is right… “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.”

Learning Goals The primary goal of this chapter is to help you develop effective interpersonal communication skills that will enable you to overcome shyness, form friendships and intimate relationships, resolve interpersonal conflicts, and realize your leadership potential.

Chapter Outline The Importance of Interpersonal Relationships Developing Effective Interpersonal Skills Overcoming Shyness Dating and Romantic Relationships Interpersonal Conflicts Developing Leadership Skills Summary and Conclusion

The Importance of Interpersonal Relationships Page 356 Interpersonal Intelligence - the ability to relate effectively to others is considered one major form of human intelligence. Emotional Intelligence - includes interpersonal awareness and empathy and has been found to be more important for personal and professional success than intellectual ability.

Developing Effective Interpersonal Skills Page 357-369 Communication and Conversation Skills Be a good listener Nonverbal messages (Acronym: SOFTEN) Be open to topics Communicate ideas precisely and concisely Think before speaking Human Relation Skills (“People Skills”) Remember names Refer to people by name when interacting Remember information about people Be positive Be complimentary

Human Relation Skills, continued… Be reliable and dependable Be a sharing person Be a caring person Be a helping person Treat people with respect In person versus online Situate and locate yourself to meet others Join a fraternity or sorority Attend parties Facebook and MySpace

Overcoming Shyness Strategies: Block out negative thoughts Page 369-372 Strategies: Be aware of specific situations Block out negative thoughts Observe others Practice relaxing in situations Practice skills of effective interpersonal communication Enroll in small classes Gain a wide knowledge base

Dating and Romantic Relationships Page 372-376 Approaches to Dating: Postponing dating Hooking up Casual dating Exclusive dating Courtship

Dating and Romantic Relationships Page 372-376 Romantic Love: Passionate love (infatuation) Mature love Five characteristics of successful, long-lasting romantic relationships: Compatibility Caring Commitment Compromise Constructive Disagreement

Interpersonal Conflicts Page 376-381 Minimizing and Resolving Conflicts: The right time and place Decompress emotionally Allow adequate response time Do not dismiss or discount others Time out or cease fire Make points assertively Focus on specific behavior (use “I” messages)

Interpersonal Conflicts, continued Page 376-381 Minimizing and Resolving Conflicts: Avoid criticizing Focus on problem solving, not winning End discussions on a constructive note Express appreciation Refer to a higher authority

Developing Leadership Skills Page 381-384 Truths and Myths about Effective Leadership: It is not a single personality trait It is a specific behavior Leadership may be situational Effective leaders are not necessarily extroverted, bold, and aggressive Leadership comes in different styles A common trait is self-knowledge

Developing Leadership Skills Page 381-384 Leadership Situations and Roles: Academic Social/Emotional Organizational Strategies for Developing Leadership Skills Learn about your organization or institution Learn how to effectively communicate with and relate to others

Summary and Conclusion As quoted on page 384 “Communicating and relating effectively with others is an important life skill and one of the most important forms of human intelligence.” “We need to relate to others in a way that acknowledges their humanity and individuality, and preserves or promotes their self-esteem. We should strive to bring out the best in others by being helpful friends, positive role models, and effective leaders.”

Website Resources http://www.Humanresources.about.com/od/interpersonalcommunication1/ http://www.articles911.com/Communication/Interpersonal_Communication/ http://hodu.com/ECS-Menu1.shtml

I said, “Go to the next page for exercises.”

Class Activity 1. All females please move to one side of the room. 2. After they’ve moved, all males move to the opposite side of the room. 3. After you are in your groups, complete the exercise on the next tile.

1. Do you find the cartoon offensive in any way? 2. Do you think there is anything included in the cartoon that you think is clearly inaccurate or a complete myth? 3. What aspects of the cartoon do you think may be generally accurate or true (if any)? Discuss and respond to the following questions about the cartoon above. After 15-20 minutes, come together as a class for group processing and discussion.

Group Discussion Questions for Chapter 11 1. When someone forgets your name, how does it make you feel? Are you affected or offended in any way?   2. If you see someone whom you met before, but forget the person’s name, do you think it’s better to ask for the name again or not admit that you’ve forgotten? 3. In this class, do you feel comfortable disagreeing with others’ opinions? 4. If you’re having a conversation with someone whom you’re not romantically involved with, is it ever appropriate to touch that person? (If so: Under what circumstances and in what way?) 5. If you’re being treated badly in a relationship and you don’t express your dissatisfaction to the other person, would you say you’re equally responsible for the mistreatment? 6. If you were to assume leadership for improving the first-year experience for students on campus, what would you attempt to change? What specific leadership steps would you take to increase the likelihood that these changes would actually take place?    7. Do you generally agree or disagree with the following statement made by a college sophomore: “I think males and females process information, events, and emotions differently. For example, males typically would rather “cool off” and have some alone time after an argument. Conversely, females typically need to talk it out.”