1. Chapter 9 Build Great Relationships for a Successful and Fulfilling life Copyright 2011. Raymond Gerson

2. Chapter Objectives Develop and improve relationship and communication skills Learn teamwork and conflict management skills Gain greater appreciation of diversity Increase social intelligence and your ability to relate well to others

3. Benefits of Good Relationships Reduces stress Increases happiness Good for your health Increases opportunities for success Provides support when needed Provides opportunities to help others

4. Rate Yourself on Relationship Mistakes-Complete Activity 9.1

5. More Relationship Mistakes Criticizing others Showing disrespect Expecting perfection Not listening well Trying to change others Being defensive Withdrawing Not letting others save face

6. Additional Tips for Good Relationships Be sincere and genuine Be honest and kind Show flexibility Choose what you will disagree about Show compassion and empathy for others Treat people as a friend or guest Help others when they need it Share stories with each other from your lives

7. Improving Your Self-Image Helps Relationships Identify and accept your strengths and weaknesses Examine the price you pay for holding negative feelings about yourself Acknowledge your positive qualities Improve physical appearance through exercise, diet, grooming, etc. Set small goals and give yourself many successful experiences Associate with people who help you believe in yourself

8. Splashes of Life Sioux Indian StoryWhat is this story about?

9. Social Intelligence Social Intelligence (SI) according to Goleman is: Your awareness of others Your understanding of their thoughts and feelings Your ability to interact effectively with them You can think of SI as similar to a combination of Gardner’s Interpersonal and Verbal-Linguistic Intelligence

10. Qualities of Socially Intelligent People 1. Social Awareness Ability to read body language to assess people’s feelings Ability to listen to others with full attention Empathy – The ability to feel what they are feeling Understanding what is needed to develop successful relationships

11. Qualities of Socially Intelligent People (Cont’d) 2. Social Facility Ability to communicate well without words Ability to express yourself clearly and effectively Ability to create a successful outcome with others Caring about others and the ability to fulfill their needs when appropriate Now rate yourself on the SI Self-Assessment/Activity 9.3

12. Purpose of the SI Self-Assessment To evaluate SI strengths and weaknesses To gain insights for improving your SI To remove blind spots that you might have overlooked Now brainstorm characteristics of good and bad teachers/professors and compare to qualities of socially intelligent people. Complete Activity 9.4

13. Good Communication Improves Relationships Communication is the ability to effectively express yourself Is also the ability to listen and understand the meaning behind the words

14. How to Listen Face the other person from a comfortable distance Look interested and be attentive Maintain good eye contact Don’t criticize Don’t interrupt Listen for feelings and meaning Ask questions when needing clarification Actively listen by reflecting back what you think they are saying Now try Activity 9.6 The Listening Exercise

15. Managing Conflicts Use words that respect the point of view of others Be assertive – stand up for yourself by expressing your feelings without attacking the other person Avoid being passive and doing nothing Avoid being aggressive and trying to hurt the other person or putting them down Use “I messages” instead of “You messages” – For example, “I feel hurt when you do that” instead of “You idiot, why did you do that to me?” Now do Activity 9.7 / The “I message” activity.

16. Benjamin Franklin What was Ben Franklin’s secret of success in relationships?

17. Ben Franklin’s Success He set goals for who he would become and for what he wanted to achieve He had a mission bigger than himself to make a contribution and positive difference in the lives of others He practiced developing virtues and positive character traits Franklin was patient and understood good relationships take time to build He chose words that showed respect for others He reached a lot of people through his writings and built a network of friends

18. Teamwork and Diversity You will be expected to work effectively with all types of people on the job College provides opportunities to get to know diverse groups of people More can be accomplished when you and team members respect each other’s perspective

19. Qualities of Great Leaders Are also excellent teachers Provide a vision Motivate and inspire others Set high and positive expectations Set a good example Believes in the potential of others Helps others to accomplish more than they think they can

20. Summary of Main Points G ood relationships are important for health, success and happiness A positive self-image improves relationships Social intelligence improves your ability to get along with others Effective communication involves clearly expressing yourself and listening to others