Simi Markar, MFT Northgate High School Counselor TEENS AND STRESS Simi Markar, MFT Northgate High School Counselor

WHAT CAUSES STRESS FOR TEENS RELATIONSHIP STRESS Family conflicts --- Parents fighting, Teens fighting with Parents Changes in the Family --- divorce, moves, fluctuating schedules, death of a loved one

Academics On- going problems with schoolwork – managing homework, projects, being able to ask for help Feeling like they can’t keep up. Issues with time management, overloaded schedules Learning how to prioritize tasks Comparing themselves to peers, older siblings, etc Stress about making it to graduation, college admission

Social Issues Strong desire to Fit In with peers and friends. Want to be accepted Struggles with self esteem and confidence Feeling bullied, teased Developing romantic relationships Lacking maturity, coping skills

Supporting Your Teen Validate and label that feeling Being available to listen to your teen and provide emotional support I am sorry you feel that way I can see you are feeling sad, angry and frustrated . Is there anything else you are feeling? What can I do to help? Validation allows children to feel its ok to have these feelings that are coming up for them.

Feelings and Behaviors Deal with the behavior (if applicable) Remember all feelings are accepted but not all behavior. i.e. It is not Ok to yell, hit, etc. Take a break/breather if needed After validating and labeling address the behavior that accompanied the feeling ( throwing of backpack, snapping at a younger sibling etc)

Finding Solutions Together Problem solving Once everyone’s emotions are in calm , collaborate to find the solution. This would be the best time to decide on how to avoid such behavior next time I noticed you get more upset when you get back from school. Maybe you are feeling hungry. Next time we will talk after you have had your snack) This is also the step to initiate repairs from parents side . Repairs allows children to see how mistakes can be dealt with as we get the opportunity to role model for them .

Praise and criticism Teens want to hear that they are doing things right. They respond well to praise and encouragement Excessive criticism makes teens feel unworthy, not good enough and sometimes leads to depression and feelings of giving up Praise the accomplishment / point out the behavior. I.e. “You did such a good job on that project”. “I noticed how much work you put into your English paper”

Support through Engagement Creating a regular routine ---- school, home Having events to look forward to Planning time for Fun Family Dinners --- statistic: Frequent Family Meals are associated with a lower incidence of depressive symptoms and with better grades in children ages 11-18 years. (Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, 2004) Focus on Positives – Don’t use mealtime as a time to criticize, complain, or argue. Discuss your day, funny stories, etc

Q&A Handout --- 12 Tips to Reduce Your Child’s Stress and Anxiety (adapted from Psychology Today Article, February 2013) Thank you for coming Simi Markar, MFT