Enlightened Relationships Joeel & Natalie Rivera Transformation University

Understanding Love Insights from the history of love…

Understanding Love What’s the difference? “In Love” vs. Real Love

Understanding Love “In-Love” You depend on the relationship for self esteem. You take more from the relationship than you give. The relationship drains your energy. You are jealous of the other persons’ separate activities. You can only think of the other person. You are afraid that the other person could lose interest in you. You feel a deep need, clinging, or grasping for them

Understanding Love True Love Each of you accepts the fact that neither is perfect. The relationship still gives each person the energy to devote to other aspects of life. Each of you continues to grow as independent human beings. Each feels a responsibility to each other’s well-being. Both of you experience the joy in giving as well as in receiving. Trust and honesty binds you together. You both recognize and honor our own needs and those of your partner.

What is an Enlightened Relationship? Enlightened Relationships

Typical Relationship:Enlightened Relationship: Characteristics: Shared living environment Shared responsibility Friendship Physical intimacy Characteristics: Shared interests and time together Mutual support for growth True companionship Emotional intimacy Enlightened Relationships

Typical Relationship:Enlightened Relationship: Improve relationship with: Communication strategies Compromise Remembering commonalities Accepting differences Becoming aware of triggers/patterns Improve relationship with: Creating a shared life vision Increasing quality time together Helping each other reach your potential Improving the depth of your connection Learning each others love language Enlightened Relationships

Typical Relationship:Enlightened Relationship: NEED: Dependency/ Enmeshment WANT: Union Roles/ConflictWholeness/Cooperation Growth Through ExperienceConscious Growth Enlightened Relationships

Self Reflection Roles Expectations Patterns Beliefs

Self Reflection Roles What roles do you play? Where did you learn them? Do they feel right?

Self Reflection Expectations I expect men to be: I expect men to do things like: I expect women to be: I expect women to do things like:

Self Reflection Patterns Did you marry your mother/father? Characteristics keep popping up Knowing your triggers

Self Reflection Beliefs The “right” relationship should “just work”. You can’t change another person. It’s normal to yell at your partner. Relationship drama is just part of life. There is a “one”. Everyone experiences love the same way. The relationships I saw growing up do not affect my relationships today.

Addicted to Love The science of love: I’m feeling schizophrenic for you! Is love more addictive than heroin? “I can’t live if living is without you…”

Addicted to Love Is the “in-love” experience doomed to end in a downward spiral?

Warning Signs 1.Body language 2.Changes in voice and language 3.Negative interpretations

Warning Signs 4.Bringing up the past 5.Using “always” or “never” 6.Intentionally hurting

The Crazy 8

Relationship Blueprint The Imago Theory: Discovering our blueprint for love Why we attract the qualities of our caretakers The purpose of relationships is to heal childhood wounds

Storage Unit What do you have in your storage unit?

Changing Beliefs The Table Leg Method Finding the evidence!

Communication Strategies Communication Strategies that WORK! Always and never When, What, How

More Communication Strategies The feel good sandwich Commitments Don’t prove points Listen “I” statements Communication Strategies

T.E.A.M. Mentality Trust and Honesty Emotional Health Acceptance Mutual Respect

Love Languages The 5 Love Languages 1.Quality Time 2.Words of Affirmation 3.Giving/Receiving Gifts 4.Acts of Service 5.Physical Touch

Forgiveness Understanding what forgiveness is NOT “Resentment is like taking poison and expecting someone else to die” --Gautama Buddha

Forgiveness Steps to Forgiveness First forgive yourself Then forgive your partner

Apology Apology Languages Expressing Regret—”I’m sorry” Accepting Responsibility—”I was wrong” Making Restitution—”How can I make it up?” Genuinely Repenting—”I won’t do it again” Requesting Forgiveness—”Will you forgive me?”

Happiness The concept of happiness Attachment to problems Releasing expectations Creating meaning

Happiness Appreciate the little things Develop intimate relationships Have a spiritual path Accept yourself

Non-Negotiables What you MUST (or must NOT) have in a relationship This list is for YOUR EYES ONLY

Relationship Vision Your Vision Remember the 4 P’s: Present Tense Personal Perspective Positive Language Passionate

Being a Match List 5 areas of your life to improve List 5 patterns to stop List 5 “immediate massive actions” to take

Sustaining Love Tips for Sustaining Love GRATITUDE Thank Cherish Journal Share

Tips for Sustaining Love ACTIVITIES & EXCITEMENT Do something scary Visit a new place Volunteer Trust walks Sustaining Love

Tips for Sustaining Love ACTIVITIES & EXCITEMENT Cook a meal Silly games Spent time with couples Play games Surprise Sustaining Love

Tips for Sustaining Love CONNECTING & INTIMACY Have deep discussions Create a bucket list Establish goals Massage night Sustaining Love

Tips for Sustaining Love CONNECTING & INTIMACY Snuggle Send romantic texts Kiss like you mean it Flirt Greet each other with excitement Sustaining Love

Conclusion Top 10 Tips for Enlightened Relationships 1.Know the difference between “in love” and “true love” 2.Be real (don’t just play a role” 3.Learn your patterns, triggers and beliefs

Top 10 Tips for Enlightened Relationships 4.Embrace the learning experience 5.Love your partner how they want to be loved 6.Give yourself the gift of forgiveness Conclusion

Top 10 Tips for Enlightened Relationships 7.Know your non-negotiables 8.Create a vivid relationship vision 9.See your relationship as a team 10. Be your best self—honor YOU! Conclusion

Thank you!