1. Friendship, Love, and Commitment
Chapter 5
Friendship, Love,
and Commitment

2. Chapter Outline The Importance of Love Love and American Families
Friendship, Love, and Commitment
The Development of Love: the Wheel Theory

3. Chapter Outline How Do I Love Thee? Approaches to the Study of Love
Unrequited Love
Jealousy: the Green-eyed Monster
The Transformation of Love: From Passion to Intimacy

4. Research Findings: Differences Between Love and Friendship
Best friends were similar to spouse/lover relationships in levels of acceptance and confiding, trust, respect, understanding, spontaneity,and mutual acceptance.
Lovers had much more fascination and a sense of exclusiveness with their partners than did friends.

5. Research Findings: Differences Between Love and Friendship
Love had greater potential for distress, conflict, and mutual criticism, but it ran deeper and stronger than friendship.
Friendship appears to be the foundation for a strong love relationship.

6. Research Findings: Differences Between Love and Friendship
Shared interests and values, acceptance, trust, understanding, and enjoyment are at the root of friendship and form a basis for love.
Adding passion and emotional intimacy alters the nature of the friendship.

7. Central Attributes of Love
Trust
Caring
Honesty
Friendship
Respect
Concern for the other’s well-being
Loyalty
Commitment
Acceptance of the other
Supportiveness
Wanting to be with the other
Interest in the other

8. Central Attributes of Commitment
Loyalty
Responsibility
Living up to your word
Faithfulness
Trust
Being there for the other in good and bad times
Devotion
Reliability
Giving your best effort
Supportiveness
Perseverance
Concern about the other’s well-being

9. Feelings Identifying Love
Four feelings identifying love:
Caring for the other. Wanting to help.
Needing the other. Having a strong desire to be in the other’s presence.
Trusting the other; mutually exchanging confidences.
Tolerating the other; accepting faults.

10. Important Factors in Commitment
Balance of costs to benefits: “What am I getting out of this relationship?”
Normative inputs: Values about love, relationships, marriage, and family.
Structural constraints: Depending on the type of relationship different roles and expectations are structured in.

11. Wheel Theory of Love
Love develops and is maintained through four processes:
Rapport
Self-revelation
Mutual dependency
Fulfillment of intimacy needs

12. Reiss’s Wheel Theory of Love

13. Six Basic Styles of Love
Eros: love of beauty
Ludus: playful love
Storge: companionate love
Mania: obsessive love
Agape: altruistic love
Pragma: practical love

14. Commitment, Passion, and Intimacy
Type
Commitment
Passion
Intimacy
Liking - +
Infatuation –
Empty love
Romantic love

15. Commitment, Passion, and Intimacy
Type
Commitment
Passion
Intimacy
Companionate love + –
Fatuous love
Consummate love

16. Triangular theory of love
Views love as consisting of three components:
Intimacy
Passion
Decision/commitment

17. Triangular Theory of Love

18. Ten Signs of Intimacy Wanting to promote your partner’s welfare.
Feeling happiness with your partner.
Holding your partner in high regard.
Being able to count on your partner in time of need.
Being able to understand each other.

19. Ten Signs of Intimacy
Sharing yourself and your possessions with your partner.
Receiving emotional support from your partner.
Giving emotional support to your partner.
Being able to communicate with your partner about intimate things.
Valuing your partner’s presence in your life.

20. Triangles of Love

21. Attachment Theory of Love
Views love as being similar in nature to attachments we form as infants.
The attachment (love) styles of both infants and adults are:
Secure
Anxious/ambivalent
Avoidant

22. Styles of Unrequited Love
Cyrano style: Desire for a relationship regardless of how hopeless.
Giselle style: Misperception that a relationship is likely to develop.
Don Quixote style: Desire to be in love.
Anxious/ambivalent adults are most likely to be Cyranos, avoidant adults to be Don Quixotes and secure adults to be Giselles.

23. Jealousy
Occurs because of a partner’s real, imagined, or likely involvement with a third person.
Most likely in committed relationships because of the presumed “specialness” of the relationship.
Fear of loss, coupled with insecurity, increases the likelihood of jealousy.

24. Time and Romance Time affects romantic relationships.
The rapid growth of intimacy tends to level off, and we become habituated to passion.
Commitment tends to increase, provided that the relationship is judged to be rewarding.

25. Romantic love
Romantic love may either end or be replaced by intimate love.
Many individuals experience the disappearance of romantic love as a crisis.
Romantic love seems to be most prominent in adolescence and in early and later stages of marriage.