Presentation on theme: "Mistaken Goals Rudolf Dreikurs. Reasons children misbehave Attention Power Revenge Inadequacy."— Presentation transcript:
Mistaken Goals Rudolf Dreikurs
Reasons children misbehave Attention Power Revenge Inadequacy
Children needs Sense of belonging
Need for Attention Child believes that unless they are the center of attention, then they have no role in the relationship! Teacher reacts by getting annoyed, coaxing the child, and then doing for the child Child will stop temporarily but will later resume the behavior in another manner. Child believes that I only count or belong when I am the center of your attention.
Adult's Response to Power struggle Fight, argue, demand, our voices get louder, angry, operating from the emotional part of our brain, planning our retaliation, if we give here then they are not going to do the other fun event planned, or something.
What should we do? Give attention when they are demanding it. Avoid special service Encourage them to do things on their own Set up routines Ignore Send out “non verbals” to encourage competence in the child
Need for POWER!!!!!! The child feels as if he only belongs when he has power over the other person. “you are not the boss over me, and I will beat you and do as I please” Nobody wins in a power struggle!!!
Adult feels: Annoyed, angry, frustrated, challenged and defeated, as well as embarrassed.
Need for Revenge Child thinks they do not belong at all so the only they belong to any degree is when they are getting even. The child feels as though they cannot be liked or loved
Adult feels Hurt disappointed disbelieving and disgusted
Adult reacts by Retaliating Getting even Thinking:”How could you do this to me?” playing victim, which is really dangerous
More appropriate responses Deal with hurt feelings Build trust with the child Show you care Act, don’t talk Encourage strengths
Assumed Inadequacy The child believes that they cannot belong because they are not perfect, so I will convince others not to expect anything of me. I am helpless and unable. There is no use trying because I won’t do right.
Adult Feels Despair, hopeless helpless
Adult Reacts by: Giving up Doing for the child Over helping
Child then Retreats further Becomes passive No improvement No repsonse Gives up
What we should do Show faith Stop all criticism Encourage postive attempts Focus on assets Teach skills/show how to do it, and then step back Encourage and watch out for empty praise