4Need for AttentionChild believes that unless they are the center of attention, then they have no role in the relationship!Teacher reacts by getting annoyed, coaxing the child, and then doing for the childChild will stop temporarily but will later resume the behavior in another manner.Child believes that I only count or belong when I am the center of your attention.
5Adult's Response to Power struggle Fight, argue, demand, our voices get louder, angry, operating from the emotional part of our brain, planning our retaliation, if we give here then they are not going to do the other fun event planned, or something.
6What should we do? Give attention when they are demanding it. Avoid special serviceEncourage them to do things on their ownSet up routinesIgnoreSend out “non verbals” to encourage competence in the child
7Need for POWER!!!!!!The child feels as if he only belongs when he has power over the other person. “you are not the boss over me, and I will beat you and do as I please”Nobody wins in a power struggle!!!
8Adult feels:Annoyed, angry, frustrated, challenged and defeated, as well as embarrassed.
9Need for RevengeChild thinks they do not belong at all so the only they belong to any degree is when they are getting even.The child feels as though they cannot be liked or loved
10Adult feelsHurt disappointed disbelieving and disgusted
11Adult reacts by Retaliating Getting even Thinking:”How could you do this to me?” playing victim, which is really dangerous
12More appropriate responses Deal with hurt feelingsBuild trust with the childShow you careAct, don’t talkEncourage strengths
13Assumed InadequacyThe child believes that they cannot belong because they are not perfect, so I will convince others not to expect anything of me. I am helpless and unable. There is no use trying because I won’t do right.