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Tamarah L. Gehlen MA LMFT LADC CCTP. Rudolph Dreikurs – Book: Children the Challenge, 1968 Helped family workers and parents see purpose behind actions.

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Presentation on theme: "Tamarah L. Gehlen MA LMFT LADC CCTP. Rudolph Dreikurs – Book: Children the Challenge, 1968 Helped family workers and parents see purpose behind actions."— Presentation transcript:

1 Tamarah L. Gehlen MA LMFT LADC CCTP

2 Rudolph Dreikurs – Book: Children the Challenge, 1968 Helped family workers and parents see purpose behind actions & to work with the issue, rather than against.

3 Attention Power Revenge Avoidance

4 EVERY BEHAVIOR HAS A PURPOSE!!! By using these principles and observing clients from this perspective, we can: - Better align with them - Reduce resistance - Use our own emotions to gauge the situation - Help create movement & improve client awareness

5 The more discouraged an individual is – the more they act out until they get to avoidance.

6 By maintaining a positive stance, seeking opportunity to give encouragement, it becomes easier for us to help clients come back from the stage of misbehavior that they are in, and find different ways to get their needs met in relationships in healthy, positive ways.

7 In being overworked, stressed or dealing with difficult clients ongoing, we can begin to lack the empathy and creativity needed to fully facilitate change with those that we serve. That is why an understanding of encouragement & discouragement is vital – as well as a constant reminder that every behavior has a purpose! What happens if we lose sight of this?

8 CLASHING…OR…

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10 People become discouraged when their way of interacting in the world does not produce the same, consistent results, or when they cannot link a cohesive connection from the world to their personal beliefs.

11 By asking our clients to change, we are asking them to question what they know, & make changes in their most deeply held beliefs –or to change actions that have contributed to their survival.

12 Do they have a variety of tools? Do they have a variety of tools? Do they understand how to use the tools that they have? Do they understand how to use the tools that they have? Are they willing to learn new tools? Are they willing to learn new tools?

13 Having some flexibility Having some flexibility Remembering that you are your most valuable tool – how are you taking care of yourself? Remembering that you are your most valuable tool – how are you taking care of yourself? Having a sense of humor Having a sense of humor Having “go-to” activities Having “go-to” activities

14 THE WORLD IS… THE WORLD IS… WOMEN ARE… WOMEN ARE… MEN ARE… MEN ARE… PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE ARE… I AM… I AM…

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17 First stage of misbehavior Seeks attention & affirmation of self through actions & words Can start off as minimal and small issues and increase as need for assurance and insecurity rises

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19 What they Feel “I count only when I am being noticed or served.” How You Feel/React Annoyed; May want to remind, or coax them to change behavior pattern

20 How They Respond Temporarily stops disturbing action when given attention but soon continues; may begin new behavior to gain attention. How to Correct Ignore when possible; give attention in unexpected ways; give attention for positive behavior; never give attention on demand.

21 EYE contact. Get on the client’s level, listen to the request and answer with focus. TRUST that they can do it & then teach them this! Watch- as the attention seeking energy is channeled into self-sufficiency. OFFER ACCEPTANCE. When a kid is being bad to get you to stop what you’re doing, ignore the “bad” and reach out to accept the child in a different context. block out the whining and continuing on, inviting the child to participate outside of the behavior. INVITE PARTICIPATION.

22 If Attention doesn’t work – The next step is typically POWER

23 The motivating factor… I count only when I am dominating, when you do what I want you to do, when I can do whatever I want.

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25 Power can be done in overt & covert ways. Think: Classic Power Struggle When you feel: Provoked, angry or challenged- "l'll make them do it”

26 When those who seek power don’t get their way they will: - Intensifies action when reprimanded -Want to win/ be boss - Increase defiance. How to make change: - Withdraw from conflict - Act, rather than talk - Be friendly Establish equality - Redirect their efforts into constructive channels.

27 OFFER TRUST If clients can get opportunities for small amounts of power, the power struggles aren’t necessary to gain empowerment. PROVIDE CHOICES – give clients choices on what needs to be addressed from pre-selected items YOU want to accomplish. Something even as simple as asking “ What do you most want to talk about today?” Is a great opener. ACCEPT MISTAKES - It’s so tempting to step in and try to “fix” their lives, but remember - power comes from the ability to be in charge of ones own life- even the mistakes!

28 Revenge typically follows …

29 I can't be liked. I don't have power but I'll count if I can hurt others as I feel hurt by life.

30 Ever find yourself feeling like "How can he/she do this to me?“ Hurt? Wanting to retaliate, or try to get even? Then you’ve experienced revenge…

31 A client who feels slighted, ignored, or unaccepted for who they are as a person – even if we convey the message unintentionally- will want to find a way to feel significant

32 CONNECTING with our clients. CONNECTING with our clients. LISTENING to their likes / dislike. LISTENING to their likes / dislike. ACCEPTING who they are as people (even if they are different from us) ACCEPTING who they are as people (even if they are different from us) ALLOWING for their interpretation of their own world. ALLOWING for their interpretation of their own world.

33 Maintain order with minimum restraint; -avoid retaliation or punishment. -Take time and effort to help client. -Build trusting relationship - Have a good sense of humor!!!

34 Keep in mind the escalating scale of discouragement… By truly achieving revenge-type behavior, the client gets to feel significant, powerful and also gets attention. Every Behavior Has a Purpose!

35 Many get frustrated with this type of client as it may appear that they are trying to actively seek ways to get the therapeutic process off-task. By simply continuing our relationship with them and encouraging any positives we see – we help them begin to question the mistaken belief.

36 AVOIDANCE I’ve failed – you’re going to fail - so why even go there?

37 * Also referred to as display of inadequacy… Avoidance says: I can't do anything right so I won't try to do anything at all; I am no good

38 Avoidance can look like a lot of different things….

39 Avoidance and clients that are withdrawn have exhausted all other attempts to be noticed and find significance in the world They are the most difficult to re-engage, and while they appear not as needy as other clients, they are at high risk for suicide, drug & alcohol abuse and other forms of abuse They are the most difficult to re-engage, and while they appear not as needy as other clients, they are at high risk for suicide, drug & alcohol abuse and other forms of abuse.

40 Clients who are in avoidance mode often feel despair, hopeless, discouraged; "I give up" may be their motto. Clients who are in avoidance mode often feel despair, hopeless, discouraged; "I give up" may be their motto. Be aware that this may not present as depression, they may be disinterested, can be energetic, but automatically “know” that nothing you suggest or try will actually “work” for them. Be aware that this may not present as depression, they may be disinterested, can be energetic, but automatically “know” that nothing you suggest or try will actually “work” for them.

41 Connect with them at their level Connect with them at their level Accept authentic efforts at success because failing now build character later Accept authentic efforts at success because failing now build character later Keep their interests in mind and allow for them to make decisions Keep their interests in mind and allow for them to make decisions

42 Mistaken beliefs are what drive misbehavior. Mistaken beliefs are what drive misbehavior. When clients have negative experiences based on their own negative perception, they get confirmation that they are “less than” When clients have negative experiences based on their own negative perception, they get confirmation that they are “less than”

43 Helping educate clients on the 4 goals and finding ways to encourage them for who they are – NOT what they do is the way to change in the client, and change in the therapeutic relationship. Helping educate clients on the 4 goals and finding ways to encourage them for who they are – NOT what they do is the way to change in the client, and change in the therapeutic relationship.

44 The 4 Goals of Misbehavior can be used with clients or any other relationship – we can even use them to help ourselves in overcoming some of our mistaken beliefs! The 4 Goals of Misbehavior can be used with clients or any other relationship – we can even use them to help ourselves in overcoming some of our mistaken beliefs!

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