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She’s Just Trying to Get Attention! Ashley Lindberg

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1 She’s Just Trying to Get Attention! Ashley Lindberg

2 Agenda Universal supports: for all children through relationships environments. Prevention: targeted social emotional strategies to prevent problems. Intervention: individualized intensive interventions

3 Why Talk about Attention Seeking?

4 Universal Supports to Prevent Attention-getting misbehavior Science Daily Article

5 Reinforcement: The 5:1 rule Gottman, J. (1994). Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last. New York: Simon and Schuster.

6 Relationships with tough parents Note: these are not tough parents. They are my in-laws, and they are lovely.

7 PBS, it’s all about relationships Build a relationship with every family Provide info about child development Give parents a person to turn to if they are ever ready to learn more about parenting. Help plan for the next transition. Report suspected abuse and neglect.

8 Barriers: They are not that friendly Your hardest kids probably have your hardest families. Stuff that makes kids misbehave sometimes make adults misbehave. Some parents are worried about your judgment, have a problem with authority, or have had past negative experiences in school.

9 Solutions: They are not that friendly. 5:1 rule phone calls, voic , , bravo cards, photos, certificates, awards Face time

10 Barriers: They don’t have time for you Parents may be struggling with getting basic needs met. Parents can’t get work off, don’t have transportation.

11 Solutions: They don’t have time for you. Home-visit Meet them on their lunch break Make plans months in advance, then give reminder calls/notes/stickers Go out that day Open house v. graduation

12 Barriers: We don’t have time for them Many agencies don’t give staff members adequate time to build family relationships Too much to do during the work week!

13 Solutions: We don’t have time for them. Once in a while deliver a forgotten coat More Parent-Teacher Conferences Open house School productions/plays Art shows Graduation parties Parents come in for a class party/event, etc. Bravo cards Photos home Certificates or awards

14 Barriers: We can’t get a hold of them! Stupid cricket phones

15 Solutions: We can’t get a hold of them My business card laminated with my photo and a magnet for fridge Communication notebooks Tape notes to backs Call their emergency numbers

16 Barriers: We are mad at them Its hard not to judge! We love their kid and we’re mad that they are making his life hard.

17 Solutions: We are mad at them Everyone is doing their best with the education they have been given.

18 Solutions: We are mad at them You can’t darn a sock starting in the hole.

19 “I’m not trained for this!” A recipe for a home-visit Let simmer. Repeat. 1. Hi! (add positive story) 2. How are you? Last time we talked we talked about… How’s that going? 3. Encourage and build on their efforts! 4. Summarize “we have a plan. I will.. You…”

20 Yellow Zone Prevention of Attention-Getting Misbehavior for At-Risk Kids

21 Prevention with At-Risk Kids Social skills preschoolers need Knowing and liking your self Understanding and managing feelings Making and keeping friends

22 Knowing and Liking Yourself Same and different: stand up (or thumbs up or line up) if you have a sister. Permission to like/dislike things (Koplow, 2007). Read a “book” about a child

23 Knowing and Liking Yourself Compliments Compliments “I like the way you…” Teach the song to the tune of Frere Jacque (I do it on instrument day): Hello Candice How are you? Compliment a friend and we’ll clap for you!

24 Knowing and Liking Yourself : Jobs  (Pictures from Board Maker)

25 Knowing and Liking Yourself : Jobs Meaningful jobs help children feel responsibility and belonging Every child has a job? Sharing jobs?

26 Knowing and Liking Yourself: Songs Compliment song Head shoulders knees and toes

27 Managing Feelings: Solve Problems Together Have a class meeting “Put it on the agenda” ( Nelsen, et at., 2007). Time out was going badly: Sad coffee break Act it out with puppets (Derman-Sparks,1989). Ask a child before hand if the puppet can use his problem. Children act out positive examples. Only puppets act out negative.

28 Managing Feelings: Songs If you’re frustrated and you know it ask for help!

29 Making and Keeping Friends Making friends: Know the kids names (including middle and last names) Up and down is the name of the game. Practice finding a role ( Nelsen, et at., 2007). Keeping friends: What can you say when you don’t want to play? CSEFEL

30 Making and Keeping Friends Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning

31 Intervention for to Attention- getting misbehavior for top of the triangle kids.

32 The ABCs AntecedentBehavior Consequence In this situation… I do this… to get this!

33 Competing Behavior Pathway AB C New Behavior

34 Mistaken Goals Nelsen, J., Erwin, C., Duffy, R. A., (2007). Positive Discipline for Preschoolers. New York: Three Rivers Press.

35 Mistaken Goals Special Service Power Revenge Assumed helplessness

36 Special Service I’m important when I’m keeping you busy with me! Annoyed Irritated Worried Guilty

37 Special Service I’m important when I’m keeping you busy with me. Annoyed Irritated Worried Guilty We usually try: Doing things for the child that she could do herself, Reminding, Coaxing The behavior stops temporarily but later resumes

38 The ABCs AntecedentBehavior Attention: Notice me! Involve me! In this situation… I do this… to get this need met!

39 Special Service A: Avoid special service, plan special time. Set up routines. Set up a signal. B: Problem solve with the child C: Redirect with a useful task. Ignore

40 Misguided Power I want to be the boss! “You can’t make me” Challenged Threatened Defeated

41 Misguided Power I’m important when I’m keeping you busy with me. We usually respond by: Fighting, Giving in, Wanting to be right Thinking “you can’t get away with this” The Child responds by: Intensifies behavior, Acts defiant Annoyed Irritated Worried Guilty

42 The ABCs of Misguided Power AntecedentBehavior Attention: Let me help! Give me choices! In this situation… I do this… to get this!

43 Misguided Power A: Ask for help Offer limited choices Tell the child what you will do and do it. Develop mutual respect. B: Songs, books, social stories, Conversations where you draw at the same time. C: Be firm and kind at the same time Let routines be the boss Leave and calm down.

44 Revenge Hurt Disappointed Disbelieving Disgusted I don’t feel like I belong, so I’ll hurt others. I can’t be liked here.

45 Revenge We usually try: Retaliating, Getting even, Thinking “How could you do this to me?” The Child: Retaliates/ Escalates Chooses another weapon Hurt Disappointed Disbelieving Disgusted I don’t feel like I belong, so I’ll hurt others. I can’t be liked here.

46 The ABCs of Revenge AntecedentBehavior Attention: Express that I’m hurting. In this situation… I do this… to get this!

47 Revenge A: Build trust Use active listening Show you care, Encourage strengths B: Songs, books, social stories, Conversations where you draw at the same time C: Acknowledge hurt feelings Avoid punishment and retaliation Make amends Act-don’t talk.

48 Assumed Inadequacy Despair Hopelessness Helplessness Inadequate I’m helpless and unable. It’s not worth trying because I can’t do anything right.

49 Assumed Inadequacy Despair Hopelessness Helplessness Inadequate We usually try: Giving up, Doing for, Over helping The Child: Retreats, Acts passive No improvement/ No response I’m helpless and unable. It’s not worth trying because I can’t do anything right.

50 The ABCs of Assumed Inadequacy AntecedentBehavior Escape attention and tasks I could fail In this situation… I do this… to get this!

51 Assumed Inadequacy A: Stop all criticism Encourage any positive attempt. Show faith in child’s abilities Enjoy the child. Build on his interests. B: Teach/show how. Break task down into small steps C: Don’t give up Encourage, encourage, encourage Empathize

52 Write the Behavior Plan!

53 Work with family and team List strengths and motivators To brainstorm rewards To make our teaching tools kid-specific To start meetings on a positive note

54 Any Questions?

55 Recommended Reading Unsmiling Faces, Lesley Koplow Positive Discipline, Jane Nelsen Unbias Curriculum, Louise Derman-Sparks Bully Proofing in Early Childhood, Kayla McCarnes, Karin I. Nelson, Nancy W. Sager

56 References Carr, E.,Dunlap, G., Horner, R., Koegel, R., Turnbull, A., Sailor, W., Anderson, J., Albin, R., Koegel, L., & Fox, L. (2002). Positive Behavior Support: Evolution of an Applied Science. Journal of Positive Behavior Interventions, 4(1), Crone, D., & Horner, R. (2003). Building Positive Behavior Support Systems in Schools: Functional Behavioral Assessment. New York, NY: The Guilford Press. Derman-Sparks, L., (1989). Anti-bias Curriculum. Washington, DC: NAEYC. Gilliam, W. S. (2005). Prekindergarteners left behind: Expulsion rates in state prekindergarten systems. Retrieved March 12, 2007, from Gottman, J. (1994). Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last. New York: Simon and Schuster. Koplow, L. (2007). Unsmiling Faces: How Preschools Can Heal. New York: Teacher’s College Press. McCarnes, K., Nelson, K. I., Sager, N. W., (2005). Bully Proofing in Early Childhood,Building a Caring Community. Longmont, CO: Sopris West. Nelsen, J., Erwin, C., Duffy, R. A., (2007). Positive Discipline for Preschoolers. New York: Three Rivers Press. Squires, J., & Bricker, D., (2006). Activity-based Approach to Developing Young Children's Social Emotional Competence. Baltimore: Brookes Publishing Company. Stormont, M., Lewis, T., & Beckner, R. (2005). Positive Behavior Support Systems: Applying Key Features in Preschool Settings. Teaching Exceptional Children, 37(6),


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