2. Love and Logic Kathy Utter Kate Wessel

3. Introduction Love and Logic A strategy used to reduce the reactivity of adults to students by setting firm limits in caring ways without anger, lecture and threats. When students do cause problems, the adults hand the problem back to the student in caring ways that promote thinking.

4. Background Drill Sergeant approach Tends to activate the Emotional Brain Does not develop thinking skills Insulting to some kids Interferes with free will A.W. Atkinson, MD

5. Background Natural Consequences Good but often not sufficient Adding empathy helps to increase the chances of getting the thinking brain going Rewards, praise, stickers etc. Develops expectancy of always getting something Novelty wears off Some kids are immune--dont care Does not develop thinking skills A.W. Atkinson, MD

6. Background When we start feeling frustrated, we are entering the Emotional/Reactive Brain Zone. We are giving over our own control. We increase the students reactivity. A.W. Atkinson, MD

7. Background Love and Logic Calms the reactive brain with empathy and delayed consequences Encourages thinking skills with choices and use of problems solving with students One liners help staff to be less reactive A.W. Atkinson, MD

8. The Rules of Love and Logic RULE #1 Use enforceable limits

9. The Rules of Love and Logic Rule #2 Provide choices within limits.

10. The Rules of Love and Logic Rule #3 Apply consequences with empathy.

11. Enforceable Limits Setting enforceable limits involves telling students how you will be acting and handling situations.

12. Enforceable Limits The effective application of limits requires that children have implied choices and be forced into thinking mode. This means that we are not telling kids what to do we are telling them what we will do. This is limit setting.

13. Enforceable Limits Turn Your Words Into Gold Get your finger out of your nose. I will listen to you when your fingers are not in your nose. Stop whining. I will listen as soon as your voice is as calm as mine. You show some respect. I will be glad to discuss this when respect is shown

14. Choices Within Limits Give 99% of your choices when things are going well. Make deposits into the Choices Saving Account Give choices before the student becomes resistant. For each choice give two options, each of which you like. If your student does not make a timely choice, make the choice for him/her.

15. Choices Within Limits Delivery is important: Youre welcome to--or-- Feel free to--or-- Would you rather--or-- What would be best for you--or--

16. Choice Within Limits Assigning math problems Bathroom breaks Free time Homework

17. Choices Within Limits Power Struggles Often times winning a power struggle is more important to a child than making a good decision, particularly if the child feels that he/she does not have much control over things.

18. Choices Within Limits Take a Savings Account approach Make frequent deposits when things are going well. Use phrases such as Thats your choice, and You decide. When you need to make a withdrawal it is easier because the child sees you sharing control. Use phrases such as, Dont I let you make a lot of the choices? Well, this time I need to decide.

19. Choices Within Limits Dont be afraid to say, I usually give choices, but not this time. Never give a choice unless you are willing to let the child experience the consequence of that choice Never give choices when a child is in a dangerous situation Never give choices unless you are willing to make the choice if the child does not

20. Choices Within Limits Shared Control We either give control on our terms, or the kids will take it on theirs. Do I want to control kids or do I want to obtain their cooperation? We need control over our lives. When we dont get it, we go after control over others.

21. Consequences With Empathy The effective teacher administers consequences with empathy and understanding, as apposed to anger and lecture. When adults respond with anger and lectures, children often transform their sorrow into anger with the adult--the lesson may be lost.

22. Consequences with Empathy No behavior technique will have a lasting, positive result if it is not delivered with compassion, empathy, or understanding. Teaching with Love and Logic

23. Consequences With Empathy The child is not distracted by the adults anger. The child must own his or her pain rather than blaming it on the adult. The adult-child relationship is maintained. The child is much less likely to seek revenge. The adult is seen as being able to handle problems without breaking a sweat. The child learns through modeling to use empathy with others.

24. Consequences With Empathy How to Destroy the Teaching Value of Logical Consequences: Say, This will teach you a good lesson. Display anger or disgust Explain the value of the consequence Talk too much Feel sorry and give in Contrive a consequence for the purpose of getting even

25. Consequences with Empathy Problems with Immediate Consequences: Most of us have great difficulty thinking of one while we are teaching. We own the problem rather than handing it back to the student. We do more thinking than the child. We are forced to react while we and the student are upset.

26. Consequences with Empathy Problems with Immediate Consequences: We dont have time to anticipate how the student, his/her parents, our administrators, and others will react to our response. We dont have time to put together a reasonable plan. We often end up making threats we cant back up.

27. Consequences with Empathy Problems with Immediate Consequences: We generally fail to deliver a strong dose of empathy before providing the consequence. Every day we live in fear that some student will do something that we wont know how to handle with an immediate consequence.

28. Consequences with Empathy This is sad. Im going to have to do something about this. But not now, later.

29. Consequences With Empathy Delayed Consequence Consequences do not need to be delivered immediately. Take time to develop a plan. Include the student in the development of the consequence by using the problem solving steps.

30. Consequences with Empathy Problem Solving Steps Empathy: How sad. Bummer. Send the power message: What do you think you are going to do? Offer choices: Would you like to hear what other kids have tried. Have the child state the consequences: And how would that work for you? Give permission for the child to either solve or not solve the problem: Good luck. I hope it works out for you.

31. Bonus Features The One Sentence Intervention Ive noticed that__________. Ive noticed that. Do this twice a week for at least three weeks.

32. Bonus Features Neutralize student arguing Go Brain Dead Choose a one-liner I respect you too much to argue. I bet it feels that way. Could be. Do not attempt to think--Become a broken record. Keep voice soft.

33. Bonus Features Love and Logic Classroom Rules I will treat you with respect so you will know how to treat me. Feel free to do anything that does not cause a problem for anyone else. If you cause a problem, Ill ask you to solve it.

34. Bonus Features Love and Logic Classroom Rules Continued: If you cant solve the problem or chose not to, I will do something. What I do will depend on the special person and the special circumstances. If you feel something is unfair, whisper to me, I dont think thats fair, and we will talk.

35. Bonus Features Teaseproof Your Students Put on your cool look Use a one liner, Thanks for telling me. Walk away Share with teacher in private

36. Resources www.loveandlogic.com Contact Kathy Utter to check out Love and Logic resources such as DVDs, CDs, and books.

37. Bibliography Teaching with Love and Logic Jim Fay and David Funk Calming the Reactive Brain presentation by A.W. Atkinson, MD