1. Intimate Relationships and Communication Chapter Four

2. Developing Intimate Relationships Be willing to give of themselvesBe willing to give of themselves –Share their ideas, feelings, time, and needs Self-Concept and Self-EsteemSelf-Concept and Self-Esteem –Feel good about ourselves Roots of our identity and selfRoots of our identity and self –Developed during childhood –Relationships with parents and other family members Gender rolesGender roles Style of attachmentStyle of attachment Formulation of friendshipsFormulation of friendships 2

3. Friendship CharacteristicsCharacteristics –Companionship –Respect –Acceptance –Help –Trust –Loyalty –Reciprocity 3

4. Love, Sex, and Intimacy Most basic and profound human emotions.Most basic and profound human emotions. Encompasses opposites:Encompasses opposites: –Affection and anger –Excitement and boredom –Stability and change –Bonds and freedom Love does not give us perfect happiness, but it does give our lives meaning.Love does not give us perfect happiness, but it does give our lives meaning. Positive factors that draw people togetherPositive factors that draw people together 4

6. Relationships Strong relationships comprise of:Strong relationships comprise of: –Trust –Caring –Respect –Loyalty –Interest in the other –Concern of other’s wellbeing 6

7. The Pleasure and Pain of Love Intense love has confused and tormented lovers though-out historyIntense love has confused and tormented lovers though-out history Passionate lovePassionate love –Recognize the human emotions have two components: 1.Physiological arousal 2.Emotional explanation for the arousal 7

8. The Transformation of Love All relationships change over time.All relationships change over time. At first, high levels of passion and increased intimacyAt first, high levels of passion and increased intimacy Reduction of romance and or passion leads to the transformation of deep love.Reduction of romance and or passion leads to the transformation of deep love. 8

9. Bonds Between People Friendship (deep attachments are influenced)Friendship (deep attachments are influenced) Dating (formalized pattern reflecting serial monogamy to mutual monogamy patterns)Dating (formalized pattern reflecting serial monogamy to mutual monogamy patterns) Intimacy (sharing of deep feelings)Intimacy (sharing of deep feelings) Love (emotional attachment of various levels)Love (emotional attachment of various levels) Infatuation (passion only)Infatuation (passion only) Romantic (intimacy and passion)Romantic (intimacy and passion) Fatuous (passion and commitment)Fatuous (passion and commitment) Empty (commitment only)Empty (commitment only) Companionate (intimacy and commitment)Companionate (intimacy and commitment) Consummate (all three elements)-bestConsummate (all three elements)-best

10. Challenges in Relationships Honesty and OpennessHonesty and Openness Unequal or Premature commitmentUnequal or Premature commitment Unrealistic ExpectationsUnrealistic Expectations –Expecting your partner to change –Assuming –Unsupported beliefs CompetitivenessCompetitiveness –Focus on Fun Balance of Time together and apartBalance of Time together and apart JealousyJealousy –Is not an element of love 10

11. Strategies for Enhancing Support in Relationships Be aware of the importance of supportBe aware of the importance of support Learn to ask for help from your partnerLearn to ask for help from your partner Help your partner the way you would liked to be helpedHelp your partner the way you would liked to be helped Avoid negativityAvoid negativity Make positive attributions Do things for yourself once in a while Keep relationship problems separate from other support issues

12. Unhealthy Relationships Reasons why?Reasons why? Ending a RelationshipEnding a Relationship –Guidelines of a breakup Fair chanceFair chance Be fair and honestBe fair and honest Be tactful and compassionateBe tactful and compassionate If you are the rejected person, make time for resolving your anger and painIf you are the rejected person, make time for resolving your anger and pain Recognize the value of the experienceRecognize the value of the experience 12

13. Communication NonverbalNonverbal –Ability to interpret nonverbal messages Communication skillsCommunication skills –Self-disclosure –Listening –Feedback is a constructive response Gender differences in communicationGender differences in communication –Men Establishing dominance/competitiveEstablishing dominance/competitive Men talk more/listen lessMen talk more/listen less –Women Establishing friendships Affiliative wayAffiliative way Seeking adviceSeeking advice Obtaining cues from listening and eye contactObtaining cues from listening and eye contact 13

14. Conflict and Conflict Resolution Conflict resolution skills are vital for maintaining intimate relationships.Conflict resolution skills are vital for maintaining intimate relationships. 1.Clarify the issue. 2.Find out what each person wants. 3.Brainstorming for options. 4.Decide how to negotiate. 5.Solidify the agreements. 6.Review and renegotiate. 14

15. Relationships and Lifestyles 1.Marriage 2.Single-hood 3.Cohabitation (living together) 4.Single Parenthood 5.Gay and Lesbian Partnerships

16. Pairing and Singlehood Choosing a Partner.Choosing a Partner. –Similarities (to your own) Ethnic and socioeconomic background, educational level, lifestyle, physical attractiveness, and other traits.Ethnic and socioeconomic background, educational level, lifestyle, physical attractiveness, and other traits. –First attraction – observable characteristics –Communication. –Acceptance. –Most important question – How much do we have in common? 16

17. Dating Different cultures have different rituals for finding a mateDifferent cultures have different rituals for finding a mate –Centers on a mutually enjoyable activity American CultureAmerican Culture –Getting to know each other –Traditional male-female dating pattern –Dating of young people “Today” 17

18. Living Together CohabitationCohabitation 30 years old30 years old –Half of all men and women have cohabited. Factors of acceptanceFactors of acceptance Rarely continues indefinitelyRarely continues indefinitely AdvantagesAdvantages LiabilitiesLiabilities 18

19. Same-Sex Partnerships Gay and LesbianGay and Lesbian –Sexual orientation –Homosexual relationships in relation to heterosexual relationships –Traditional gender roles –Societal attitudes Same-sex marriageSame-sex marriage Civil rightsCivil rights “Homophobia”“Homophobia” 19

20. Singlehood Diverse groupDiverse group 110 million single individuals110 million single individuals Mean marriage is 27.1 years for ♂ and 25.3 for♀.Mean marriage is 27.1 years for ♂ and 25.3 for♀. Factors that contribute to a growing numberFactors that contribute to a growing number AdvantagesAdvantages DisadvantagesDisadvantages Enjoyment depends upon:Enjoyment depends upon: 20

21. Figure 4-2 Marital status of the U.S. Population age 15 years and older 21

22. Marriage Benefits of MarriageBenefits of Marriage Issues of marriageIssues of marriage –Realistic expectations –Feels good about the personality of their mate –Communication –Conflict resolution –Religious and ethical values –Egalitarian role –Good balance of individual and joint interests Role of CommitmentRole of Commitment 22

23. Separation and Divorce High rates.. Why?High rates.. Why? –50-55% chance of divorcing –Process of Divorce. Emotional separation - First stepEmotional separation - First step Physical separationPhysical separation –Greatest stress producing event next to the death of a spouse or family member –Recovery from divorce. –Remarriage. 23

24. Family Life Becoming a ParentBecoming a Parent Preparation for parenthoodPreparation for parenthood –Own stability and readiness to be a parent –Physical health –Teenage parenting –Over the age of 35 –Nutritional habits –Genetics –Financial –Considered educational and career plans –Emotionally ready –Social support –Attitudes and aptitudes 24

25. Parenting Parenting stylesParenting styles –Authoritarian –Authoritative –Permissive (or indulgent) –Uninvolved Children’s temperamentsChildren’s temperaments –Easy children –Difficult children –Slow-to-warm-up 25

26. Parenting and the Family Life Cycle Provide a balance of firm limits and clear structureProvide a balance of firm limits and clear structure High levels of:High levels of: –Warmth –Nurturance –Respect –Grow of independence 26

27. Single-Parent Families U.S. Census BureauU.S. Census Bureau –28% of all children under 18 live with only one parent. Differences to a traditional family life cycle.Differences to a traditional family life cycle. Difficulties experienced as a single parent.Difficulties experienced as a single parent. Single Fatherhood.Single Fatherhood. Children from single-parent families.Children from single-parent families. 27

28. Figure 4.3 The growth of single- parent families in the U. S. 28

29. Stepfamilies or Blended Families 3 out of 4 women and 4 out of 5 men will remarry.3 out of 4 women and 4 out of 5 men will remarry. Should not be expected to duplicate the emotions and relationships of an intact family.Should not be expected to duplicate the emotions and relationships of an intact family. Healthy stepfamilies are less cohesive and more adaptable than healthy intact families. Allow for more individual differences.Healthy stepfamilies are less cohesive and more adaptable than healthy intact families. Allow for more individual differences. More of a history they have the more of a family unit is built.More of a history they have the more of a family unit is built. 29

30. Successful Families CommitmentCommitment AppreciationAppreciation CommunicationCommunication Time togetherTime together Spiritual wellnessSpiritual wellness Coping with stress and crisisCoping with stress and crisis 30

31. STRATEGIES OF STRONG FAMILIES Look for something positive in difficult situationsLook for something positive in difficult situations Pull togetherPull together Get help outside the familyGet help outside the family Create open channels of communicationCreate open channels of communication Keep things in perspectiveKeep things in perspective Adopt new roles in a flexible mannerAdopt new roles in a flexible manner Focus to minimize fragmentationFocus to minimize fragmentation Give up on worry, or put it in a boxGive up on worry, or put it in a box Eat well, exercise, love each other, & get adequate restEat well, exercise, love each other, & get adequate rest Create a life full of meaning and purposeCreate a life full of meaning and purpose Actively meet challenges head-onActively meet challenges head-on Go with the flow to some degreeGo with the flow to some degree Be prepared in advance for life’s challengesBe prepared in advance for life’s challenges