1. Chapter 6
Relationships

2. Relationship – a set of expectations two people have for their behavior based on the pattern of interaction between them
Good relationship –
interactions are satisfying to and
healthy for those involved
Abusive relationship –
interactions are physically, mentally, or emotionally harmful

3. Functions of Relationships
Interchanges form relationships.
Communication is a way to “get things done” in the relationship
The “thermometer” of a relationship; measures who is in control, how much partners trust each other, and the level of intimacy in the relationship

4. Describing Relationships
Relationships vary in intensity
Impersonal relationship – based on filling a role or satisfying an immediate need
Personal relationship – people care about each other, share large amounts of information with each other, and meet each other’s interpersonal needs
Voluntary vs. Involuntary
Platonic vs. Romantic

5. Depth of Relationships
people we know by name and talk with when the opportunity arises, but with whom our interactions are limited
people with whom we have voluntarily negotiated more personal relationships
those with whom we share a deep commitment, trust, interdependence, disclosure, and affection

6. Gender Differences Women develop close friendships through:
Talking
Disclosing personal history
Sharing personal feelings
Joint activities
Doing favors for each other
Successive tests of dependability

7. Dimensions of Relationships
Interdependence
Depth
Breadth
Commitment
Understanding and Predictability
Communication Coding
Sharing Social Networks
As dimensions increase, relationships develop; as they decrease, relationships deteriorate.

8. Johari Window Open Blind Secret (or Hidden) Unknown Known to self
Not known
to self
Known to
others
Open
Blind
Not known
to others
Secret (or Hidden)
Unknown
V / V, ch.3

9. Social Penetration Theory
Self-disclosure is integral to all stages of relationships, but changes over time.
The nature and type of self-disclosure change as people become more intimate.
When disclosure is reciprocated, the relationship becomes intimate.
SEX
WORK
FAMILY

10. Social Penetration Stages
Orientation Stage — Also known as the “small talk” or “first impression” stage. Communicators become acquainted by observing mannerisms and personal dress and by exchanging non-intimate information about themselves. Interaction adheres to social norms.
Exploratory Affective Stage — Communicators begin to reveal more about themselves, such as their opinions concerning politics and sports teams. Deeply personal information is withheld. Casual friendships develop at this stage, and most relationships stay at this level.

11. Social Penetration Stages
Affective Stage — Communicators begin to disclose personal and private matters. Personal ways of speaking, such as using idioms or unconventional language, is allowed to come through. Communicators feel comfortable enough to argue or criticize each other. Romantic relationships develop at this stage.
Stable Stage — Communicators share a relationship in which disclosure is open and comfortable. They can predict how the other person will react to certain types of information.
Depenetration — Occurs when one or both communicators perceive that the cost of self-disclosure outweighs its benefits. Communicators withdraw from self-disclosure, thus ending the relationship.
penetration-theory

12. General Tenets of Reward Theories of Relationships
We exert effort (costs) to enter and maintain relationships
The “costs” of those efforts are weighed against the perceived benefits of the relationship.
When the perceived costs outweigh the benefits we give up.
Predicted Outcome Value Theory
Social Exchange Theory
Equity Theory

13. Self-Disclosure Guidelines
Disclose information that you want others to disclose to you.
Disclose information appropriate for the type of relationship.
Disclose intimate information only when it represents an acceptable risk.
Be sensitive to your partner’s ability to absorb your disclosure.
Reserve intimate or very personal disclosures for ongoing relationships.
Continue intimate self-disclosure only when it is reciprocated.

14. Changing Relationships
Relationships move through identifiable stages.
Turning points:
Events that mark a transition from one stage to another
Could lead to greater intimacy-or conversely-to relationship deterioration
They can happen in any stage of a relationship

15. Relationship Stages for Friendships and Romantic Relationships
Beginning
LUST
TRUST
RUST
DUST
Developing
Turning Points
Sustaining
Declining
Exiting
Reaffirming

16. Beginning Relationships
During the first stage of a relationship, communication focuses on:
Increasing knowledge of the other
Reducing uncertainty
Increasing interaction
Coupling (BBC): The Pause
Coupling (BBC): Naked

17. Predicted Outcome Value Theory
Early in the relationship, we gather information to predict whether the benefits of future interactions will outweigh the costs.
3 stages of beginning relationships:
Entry Phase
Personal Phase
Exit Phase

18. Developing Relationships
Increasing disclosure
Keeping a relationship at a particular level of closeness or intimacy
Frequent communication
Emerging interdependence

19. Interpersonal Needs Theory
Relationship continuance depends on how well each person meets the interpersonal needs of the other.
Three basic interpersonal needs:
Affection
Inclusion
Control

20. Social Exchange Theory
Relationships understood in terms of exchange of rewards and costs during interactions
Cost/Reward ratio
Rewards – needs met
Costs – time and energy spent developing relationship
Relationships develop and are sustained when partners choose to meet each other’s needs.
* We also compare the alternatives before ending relationships.

21. Sustaining Relationships
Use pro-social behaviors.
Observe ceremonial occasions.
Spend time together as a couple and with mutual friends.
Communicate frequently.
Words and actions reassure continuing affection, discretion, trustworthiness.
Share tasks.

22. Relational Dialectics Theory
All relationships are fraught with tensions
These tensions pull us in different ways and towards different goals
Dialectic tensions are contradictions, which means that focusing on one side of a tension means ignoring the other side of the same tension.
People must manage their own desires within a relationship (tensions) with that of the others
Tensions can be internal to a relationship and external to it as well
People must manage multiple relationships
Couples must manage their internal dialectics with their partners AND with those outside the relationship.

23. Relational Dialectics Theory
There are thousands of tensions that may need to be managed.
Baxter and Montgomery Focus on Three Internal
Autonomy and connection
Openness and Closedness
Novelty and Prediction
The three similar external tensions include
Inclusion and Seclusion
Revelation and Concealment (Public vs. Private)
Conventionality and uniqueness
Very Good Lecture on Relational Dialectics
Example of Tension at Play in the Show Friends

24. Rawlins: Dialectics of Friendships
freedom to be independent and
the freedom to be dependent
affection and instrumentality
judgment and acceptance
expressiveness and protectiveness.

25. I need my own space. I want to be close.
Dialectic Tensions
Autonomy/Connection
I need my own space I want to be close.
Openness/Closedness
I like sharing so There are some
much with you. things I don’t want
to talk about.
Novelty/Predictability
We need to do I like the familiar
something new activities we share.

26. Managing Dialectical Tensions
Temporal selection - Choosing one side and ignoring the other for a period of time.
Topical segmentation - Choosing certain areas to satisfy one side of a dialectic tension and another area for the other side.
Neutralization – Striking a compromise so that neither person gets their needs partially met.
Reframing – Changing perceptions about the tension to no longer think of it as contradictory.

27. Declining Relationships
The communication in declining relationships is marked by three stages:
Recognition of dissatisfaction
Process of repairing or disengaging from relationship
Ending
Steve and Jane Break Up in Coupling
Steve and Susan Break Up in Coupling

28. Relationship Termination Strategies
Manipulation/Withdrawal/Avoidance – blaming others, or indirectly failing to take responsibility for ending the relationship (-)
Direct/Open/Honest –
clearly, respectfully communicating desire to end
relationship, sensitive to resulting emotions (+)
Relationship Transformation –
continuing the relationship on different terms (+)

29. Self-Disclosure Online
Lack of social cues produces ineffective self-disclosure and miscommunication.
Media Richness Theory: Richer media provide more social cues to reproduce the intended meaning of the message.
Posters Letters Texting Facebook Telephone Skype Face-to-Face
Lean Rich