1. Chapter 3: Family Communication, Conflict, and Forgiveness

2. The Communication Process
Transactional Process – one in which we simultaneously affect and are affected by our intimate relations
Focus is on the interconnectedness of the relationship

3. Family Systems Theory Views the family as an interconnected system
Developed by Murray Bowen

4. Family Systems Theory
Family System is a dynamic entity that consists of various individuals and their interconnected, intergenerational patterns of interaction.
The primary function is to bring the parts together and arrange them into a whole, organized entity.

5. Figure 3.1: Virginia Satir’s Concept of the Family as a Mobile

6. Key Concepts of Systems Framework
Interconnecting – family members affect and are affected by each other
Looking at the whole – individual members’ behavior can only be understood by looking at the whole

7. Key Concepts of Systems Framework
Establishing boundaries – every system has some border between it and its environment
Closed boundaries: no information in or out
Open boundaries: information is unobstructed, families lose identity
Maintaining balance – families work to achieve and maintain homeostasis

8. Figure 3.2: Types of Boundaries

9. Circumplex Model of Marital and Family Systems
Addresses family cohesion, adaptability, and communication
Assesses family’s level of functioning

10. Figure 3.3: Olson’s Circumplex Model of Family Functioning

11. Creating Rules for Communication
What we can and cannot talk about
Feelings that are allowed to be shared
Decision making
How we can talk about it
Communication strategy

12. Table 3.1: Cultural Competence: Enhancing Cultural Communication Skills

13. Table 3.1: Cultural Competence: Enhancing Cultural Communication Skills

14. Symbolic Interaction Framework
All human behavior revolves around social behavior where there is an exchange of messages and symbolic meanings between actors.
Symbols: used to share meanings
Roles: a system of meanings
Role strain – competing demands from multiple roles
Role conflict – conflicting role pressures

15. Types of Communication
Communication: the process of making and sharing meanings
Transaction: parties act as senders and receivers of information
Process: dynamic and ever changing
Involves Co-Construction: constructing definitions
Involves Symbols: used to construct meanings and definitions

16. Verbal Communication
Exchanges of thoughts, messages, or information through the spoken word
Fundamental Processes of Verbal Communication:
Communication Effectiveness
Perceptual Accuracy
Predictive Accuracy
Interpersonal Cognitive Complexity

17. Table 3.2: Verbal Communication Processes

18. Nonverbal Communication
Emotional communication gestures and movements that convey our emotions
Occurs with or without the spoken word
Includes facial expressions, motions of the body, eye contact, patterns of touch, expressive movements, hand gestures and more

19. Relational and Non-relational Messages
Relational – those having something to do with the partnership
Non-relational – those dealing with issues or topics outside of the relationship
Decoding – interpreting the unspoken exchanges

20. Types of Emotional Messages
Positive Emotional Messages
Love, pleasure, affection
Negative Emotional Messages
Anger and irritation
Neutral Emotional Messages
Non-specific, ambiguous, hard to interpret

21. Private Couple Meanings
Special interaction between partners
Predictive in nature
Based on information that only partners share with one another

22. Conflict in Relationships
Areas of conflict:
Money matters
Division of household labor
Sex
Tremendous trifles

23. Constructive Conflict
Constructive Conflict – builds relationships and fosters loyalty, commitment and intimacy
How couples handle conflict determines marital longevity

24. Regulated Couples
Use communication patterns that promote closeness and intimacy
Validating Couple: empathetic, supportive, seldom express negative emotions
Volatile Couple: charged with intense emotion, passion, romance, intense disputes but remain intimately connected
Conflict-Minimizing Couple: avoid conflict, minimize significance of trouble, conflict kept below the surface

25. Non-regulated Couples
Have difficulty resolving conflicts, interactions far more negative
Criticism: involves attack on the partner
Defensiveness: criticism/defend pattern becomes a cycle of negativity
Contempt: disrespect, scorn, hatred
Stonewalling: communication between partners shuts down

26. Destructive Conflict May be overt or covert
Denial: when words and actions do not match
Disqualification: when a person covers-up an expressed emotion
Displacement: when a person takes out anger on someone else
Disengaged: no emotional closeness
Pseudo-mutuality: false closeness with underlying anger and hostility

27. Functional and Nurturing Communication
Functional Communication
Addresses the important functions of daily life
Nurturing Communication
Conveys intimacy, caring, recognition and validation of family members

28. Cornerstones of Communication
Developing Relational Cultures
Relational culture is a framework of understandings
Coordinate attitudes, actions and identities of the couple and family

29. Cornerstones of Communication
Confirming messages and responses
Acknowledgement of the other person
Willingness to be involved in the relationship
Recognition: confirming and acknowledging, may be verbal or nonverbal
Confirming: simple recognition and acceptance of one another
Acceptance: every family feels they belong

30. Cornerstones of Communication
Self-disclosure – voluntarily sharing personal information
Self-disclosure
Increases as relational intimacy increases
Increases when there are rewards
Tends to be reciprocal
Increases relational satisfaction

31. Cornerstones of Communication
Communicate often
Family communication can be enhanced or hindered by the time spent in the process of communication
Family meetings provide structure and organization to the family system

32. Cornerstones of Communication
Listen actively
means actually hearing what the other person is saying
reflective listening means paying attention to verbal and nonverbal messages

33. Table 3.3: Poor Listening Styles

34. Cornerstones of Communication
Use humor
Laughing produces endorphins which relax and calm us
Laughter and humor provide a way to relieve stress in certain situations
Humor brings people together and helps keep things in perspective

35. Table 3.4: Rank Ordering of the Forgiveness Process by Study Participants