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Conscious Discipline Part 1
This project is funded through a contract with the Tennessee Department of Human Services; Tennessee Department of Health, Division of Family Health and Wellness, and Signal Centers, Inc. Conscious Discipline Part 1 Composure Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Objectives Understand the concept of Conscious Discipline.
Understand how stressors effect the brain Compare Conscious Discipline and Traditional Discipline Understand the Brain State Model Discuss the skill of composure and the power of perception Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Dr. Becky Bailey & Conscious Discipline
Becky A. Bailey, Ph.D., is an award-winning author, renowned teacher and internationally recognized expert in childhood education and developmental psychology. Her workshops touch thousands of lives each year, and her top selling book titles have over 800,000 copies in circulation. She literally wrote the book on Conscious Discipline. Dr. Bailey has authored 14 books related to guidance and discipline. Managing Emotional Mayhem, her newest title, addresses self-regulation for educators, parents and children. Her core publication for parents, Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline, has received national acclaim and is published in 12 languages. Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline applies the Conscious Discipline message to the family unit, offering the support and internal changes adults need to effectively parent their children. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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“Be the change we want to see in the world.”
-Mahatma Ghandi Stop addressing single issues. Focus on whole child. Shift perspectives. Become an instrument of positive transformation. Even in schools, curriculums that address single issues like Social Skills or Bully Prevention suggest compliancy while failing to teach life skills. For example, it is pointless to teach young children a lesson on the importance of manners only to yell and raise your voice an hour later when the kids are playing loudly. Focusing on the management of one specific behavior at a time is not appropriate in developing the ‘whole child.’ Rewards for a good behavior while shaming or loss of privileges for bad behaviors does not teach life skills, but attempts to force compliance. By shifting perspectives we can become someone who changes their style of discipline from “Do what we say, not what we do” to “Be the change we want to see in the world.” By changing our perspectives, we begin to stop thinking about what is wrong with a person or situation and begin to think about what has happened for a person to respond in a certain manner or behave a certain way. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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An Invisible Epidemic Adverse Childhood Experiences
Crosses all ethnic and economic lines Effects health, learning, social-emotional development, & brain development Usually manifests as behavior problems in children About 60% of adults report Adverse Childhood Experiences (trauma) such as verbal, physical, or sexual abuse, or family dysfunction like incarceration, mental illness, or substance abuse (Gerwin, 2013). We encounter children living with stress and trauma everyday. We know these children by their behavior problems. We treat their behavior problems with rewards, punishments, and removal instead of meeting their needs with a culture of inclusion, healing, and connection that builds resiliency. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Developing Conscious Discipline
Resiliency! By being in a Conscious Discipline state-of-mind we teach and model effective social-emotional skills while embedding resiliency into children to counteract the stress and trauma within our society. By modeling and showing children how, as adults, we deal with stressful situations, difficult times, and daily chores, we teach our children ways to deal with stress, difficulties, and daily grinds. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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What is on your CD? CD activity
We have a choice to use the voice of our wise advocate or the voice on our preprogrammed CD-Rom. The one we choose will direct our behavior. Blank CD-Rom: How were you disciplined as a child? Think about the times you were disciplined as a child. Write those times on your CD print-out. We all have a CD-Rom that plays in our head. The negative thoughts become ‘burned’ into our personal CD-Roms. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Traditional Discipline
Expulsion from preschool in US and TN: Some reports in the United States estimate that expulsion from preschool is twice as high in America as all other grades. Expulsion is another traditional form of discipline: removal of the “Bad child” Traditional discipline was founded on rules that are upheld through reward and punishment. The goal is to obtain external control and obedience. The compliant child is rewarded while the non-compliant child is punished, received consequences, or is removed. Fear is used to control children. End result: feelings of fear, rejection, failure. It is possible to control others through environmental manipulations Rules govern behavior Conflict is disruption to the learning process Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Without Conscious Discipline
Stimulus Reaction Child has a tantrum Parent raises voice and places the child in ‘Time-out’ Still thinking about those forms of “traditional discipline that are one your CD-Rom….. Traditional discipline occurs often without pausing to think or it occurs with compliance in mind. I am using the term “traditional” to speak of all of those ways that as children, we ourselves, may have been disciplined. Timeouts, groundings, ‘take-aways’, ‘stop its”, removal from an event: are all traditional forms of discipline that come to mind. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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With Consciousness Stimulus Pause Response
Pause, take a breath, consider the stimulus, choose how to proceed. Parent checks to see if the child is sleepy, hungry, or angry? Child has a tantrum Now, if we think about those times that we were disciplined as a child and those times that we may have disciplined our own children. What could have changed? Would the situation have been better if we had taken a moment to PAUSE? Let’s look at more specific situations… Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Without Conscious Discipline
Children who do not learn to pause…. ….can grow into adults who do not know how to pause. So, a child socializes with another child. He plays with another child in a sandbox. Without showing that child how important a pause can be, that child may not continue to play nicely with the other child. Then as those children grow up, the still do not take time to pause…..The grow into adults that do not know how to stop and think about their actions. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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With Consciousness or By using a Pause: Your child is throwing a fit in the middle of the grocery store. If you pause, take a breath, consider the problem, and choose a possible solution, you are more likely to defuse the situation. Is he hungry, sleepy, or angry because he wants a toy or show his independence? Perhaps he can help you push the cart or pick out groceries. Pause, take a breath, consider the stimulus, choose how to proceed. Parent checks to see if the child is sleepy, hungry, or angry? Child is upset Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Core Components of Conscious Discipline
Safety Connection Problem-solving By changing perspectives on discipline, we shift from the ideas of conforming our children into compliancy. By putting these ideas aside, we do not have make our children feel like failures when they do not conform; thus, as parents we do not have to feel like failures either. Instead, we shift our focus to making our children feel safe, have connections to experiences with peers, parents, and other adult care givers, and teach our children valuable problem-solving skills that will help to mold them into competent adults. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Research Shows… Kindergarten teachers want children to:
Contrast this with: 21% be able to use a pencil or paintbrush 10% know several letters 7% be able to count to 20 84% communicate verbally wants, needs and thoughts 76% to be curious and enthusiastic 60% to follow directions, not be disruptive to the class, and be sensitive to others children’s feelings Research from the National Center for Education shows that Kindergarten teachers value social skills much more than other developmental skills. National Center for Education Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Links our head and heart.
Conscious Discipline Conscious discipline is a different way of thinking: Controlling and changing ourselves is possible and has a profound impact on others Connectedness governs behavior. By building connections, we show our children how to behave. Building a connection example: I’m want a drink so I ask for it. Conflict is an opportunity to teach. By using conflict as ‘teachable moments’ we embrace differences and learn from them as a means of internal self-regulation and acceptance. Connections made on the outside make connections on the inside. We then link head and heart... Links our head and heart. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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The Brain State Model Conscious Discipline is based on the brain state model that empowers us to shift from educational systems grounded in controlling others to cultures of learning based on safety, connection and problem solving. The brain state model utilizes a neurodevelopmental model to help us focus our attention on internal states first and behavior second. By addressing the internal that precedes the behavior, both adults and children learn to self-regulate and develop strong executive skills for problem solving and goal achievement. Conscious discipline is organized around the seven powers for conscious adults that help the adult to manage her internal state (safety). The seven powers promote mindful, conscious adults who possess the ability to self-regulate. “conscious” is at state of active, open attention in the present moment. Without conscious awareness, our ability to change old conditioned discipline practices to effective new practices is impaired. Electrical impulses that stimulate the brain stem actually keep the body systems functioning which keeps you alive…. Showing that the brain stem is vital for survival. Limbic system is surrounded by the rest of the brain. ‘loved’ Prefrontal lobe is ‘at the front of the classroom’ ready for learning to occur. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Hand Model Explain the hand model
Pass out coloring sheet of the brain state model Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Survival State: “Am I Safe?”
The Survival state is our body’s alarm and arousal system that is activated under threat. Self defense is primary intention and it is set off by triggers. Most primitive part of brain with primitive reactions and behaviors: fight, flight or freeze Perception/Trigger: Threat Behaviors you may see: Physical aggression: hit, kick, push, bite Tantrums: screaming, head banging Withdrawing: running away, hiding, shut down, daydreaming Conscious awareness: unconscious automatic Developmental need: safety Intention: self defense Think of something that really makes you angry: How do it make you feel? This is the brain stem portion of the brain. I’m seeing red! Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Survival State: Safety
Survival state skills tend to be physical. Fight Flight Freeze In the survival state you need safety. Survival state skills tend to be physical. Behaviors could be: Fight by hitting, pushing, kicking, spitting, screaming. Flight by running, hiding, or withdrawing. Freezing by surrendering, crying, giving in, giving up. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Survival State: Safety
N- Noticing A-Assertiveness R-Routines C-Composure S-Safe Place & Safe keeper In the survival state you need safety. Survival state skills tend to be physical. Behaviors could be: Fight by hitting, pushing, kicking, spitting, screaming. Flight by running, hiding, or withdrawing. Freezing by surrendering, crying, giving in, giving up. This is a great acronym that proves that we have a choice! We can provide children with the safety embedded in these lifelong skills or they may grow to find external methods of soothing like addictions, drugs and alcohol (NARCS). Safety, through self-regulation, enhances adults’ and children’s ability to recognize and manage physiological and emotional upset. Adults who can own and regulate their upsets are at the core of a sense of safety. Out-of-control adults are always a threat to children. Safety is not about controlling the actions of others; it is about regulating ourselves effectively. Children that don’t learn self-regulation become adults who do not self-regulate and may be more likely to use external methods of “stress control.” Drugs, cigarettes, alcohol… Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Emotional State: “Am I Loved?”
Emotions are brought to the surface. Represents what happens when our “buttons are pushed” State: Emotional Perception/trigger: World is not going my way Conscious Awareness: unconscious Accessible skills: CD-Rom Behaviors you may see: attention seeking, relationship resistance, clinginess, perfectionism, social exclusion Developmental need: Connection Intention: Make me feel better and have the world go my way Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Emotional State: Connection
Emotional state skills tend to be verbal. Blame Back-talking, name- calling Social exclusion Attention-seeking Clinging, neediness In the emotional state you need connection. Emotional state skills tend to be verbal. Behaviors can include: blaming, back-talking, name-calling, social exclusion, social aggression, guilt, attention-seeking, clinging, and/or neediness. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Mirror Neurons in the Emotional Brain State
Mirror neurons ensure that the moment someone sees an emotion on your face, they will at once sense that same feeling within themselves. While thinking about all those possible Emotional Brain State behaviors (blaming, back-talking, name-calling, social exclusion, social aggression, guilt, attention-seeking, clinging, and/or neediness) think about how we often wear our emotions on our faces. Children pick up on those ‘worn emotions’ and often ‘mirror’ those emotions. With this in mind, consider how you show your emotions in front of your children. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Emotional State: Connection
R-Rituals E-Encouragement J-Jobs E-Empathy C-Choices T-The School Family In the emotional state you need connection. Emotional state skills tend to be verbal. In order to avoid negative emotions (blaming, back-talking, name-calling, social exclusion, social aggression, guilt, attention-seeking, clinging, and/or neediness) we must build connections with children. When you help make connections with your child by doing rituals, using encouragement, giving them jobs, empathizing with their feelings, allowing them to make decisions and solve problems, and helping them build relationships with peers, caregivers, and teachers, you are burning those things into their CD-ROM and re-writing your CD-ROM. You are teaching your child to shift out of their brain stem…. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Executive State: “What Can I Learn?”
This is our conscious state. We have a choice to use the voice of our wise advocate or the voice of our programmed CD-Rom. Our choice will direct our behavior. Executive Skills empower us to: Set goals and achieve goals despite distractions Regulate our emotions and inhibit our impulsive behaviors Self-monitor and reflect Develop empathy and problem solve As adults we can lend children our frontal lobes by applying the 7 skills of Conscious Discipline and helping children internalize them for the future. Easy as ABC- Accessing our executive state through active calming Being willing to perceive children’s misbehavior as a communication or call for help. Coaching new skills as necessary Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Executive State: Problem Solving
Executive state skills tend to focus on what you don’t want first. Upshift your brain to use thoughts before actions. Able to reflect and plan. Willing and ready to learn a new skill. See impact on others. Rubiks Cube What goes through you mind when you have a puzzle to solve? For some reason when I think about the word ‘problem’ I automatically think about something negative; however, I problem is any event during the day in which one has to make a choice. What shoes to wear for the day is a ‘problem.’ It may be a minor ‘problem’, but it is still a decision that must be made. Learning to problem solve helps adults and children see that there are various ways to reach a solution. It forces your brain to shift into higher level thinking. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Executive State: Problem Solving
S-Solutions P- Positive Intent A-Academic Integration C-Consequences E-Executive Skills Problems solving helps to develop the executive function in the brain by seeking solutions using positive intentions. Understanding that you have a choice and that choosing helpful skills lead to positive consequences while hurtful skills lead to negative consequences. Problems can be big or small: A small child wants to play with a new child across the room in daycare. Does he walk over to the child, kick him to get his attention, and take his toy? Does he walk over to the new child, offer him another toy, and ask him to play? An older student is called an ugly name by another student. Does she call the student an uglier name and punch her in the face? Does she smile and say, “Have a great day!” Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Remove Your Triggers Remove your buttons children push activity. P. 94
Hand-out post-in notes/printed out push buttons to participants. Ask the group what things their kids do that “push their buttons.” Write your “push button” items on the notes and post them on chart paper for all to compare. Look at the answers and see which ones are developmental items. What is developmentally appropriate for their young children? Sharing, yelling, whining, crying, etc. Some items are not developmentally appropriate. Anger is a difficult emotion. The first step to learning to manage anger is to find out where it comes from and how it works. Stress and a trigger always precede an angry reaction. Stress is the gasoline and trigger thought or events are the match that ignites the explosion. A trigger is anything that activates the perception of threat or the false messages on our emotion CD-Roms. Remember, false messages are wounds from our childhood that need healing. We can heal those wounds by breathing through them and consciously choosing different thoughts. Also, remember that children can have triggers too! Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Understanding emotions
Ex. Why did you hit her? Ex. Why are you feeling angry? Adults have a hard time explaining the motives behind their actions, yet we expect children to do so (as early as 3 yrs old). Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Problem Solving Formula
P – Problem E – Empathy A – Ask C – Choices E – Encourage Let’s think more about the problem solving portion of this issue. What is the problem and who owns it – This is an interesting concept and one that we don’t really think about all that much. A child forgets his lunch – Whose problem is it? Teacher or child’s? Child create problems for themselves and a parent or caregiver tries help him figure out how to solve the problem. It happens all of the time. Children need to understand that it is their problem if they forgot their homework. They can perhaps get some help, but they should be involved in the problem solving process. Offer empathy when they make bad choices. I am sorry that you forgot your homework tonight. Many times when you draw a child’s attention to the fact that he/she has a problem, they will blame someone else. When we are threatened, our brain goes into defense mode. Such things as “My teacher forgot to remind me about my homework.” Empathy calms the brain, removes the threat and allows a person to take responsibility for his/her own behavior. Your job is to reflect back the feelings that they express and offer understanding in the form of positive intent. You may also express sadness for them. Ask the child to think about what he could do. What to you think that you are going to do? I would like to hear your ideas. How could you solve this problem? What could you do now that is helpful? Young children many times do not have any ideas. You could offer some suggestions. You could ask them, “Are you interested in some ideas?” These questions conjure willingness in children. ** The energy of being willing to learn a new approach is critical to change. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Composure Being the person you want others to become. Model.
Self-regulation in action. The skill adults need before disciplining children. Whomever you have placed in charge of your feelings, you have placed in charge of you. Think about the last time something really upset you. How did your body feel physically? These feelings are literally shutting down all of the parts other than the brain stem so we can focus on the immediate threat. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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In a survival state: Learning to pause, rewrite your CD-Rom, and stop letting your triggers take over and send false messages to your brain can allow your brain to shift past the survival state. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Be a responsive S.T.A.R or a reactive maniac…
Some facts…. Say these facts about breathing …adjust slide Breathing is our largest system for waste removal in our bodies. Air breathed in brings oxygen to every cell in the body. The brain requires 25-40% of our total oxygen supply to function properly. The brain can be short-changed of oxygen by up to 60% without proper breathing. An oxygen-starved brain is an educational disaster. Your prefrontal lobes are not fully engaged if your diaphragm is not moving Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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S.T.A.R S- Smile T-Take a Breath A-And R-Relax!
Stand to do the next few breathing techniques. These can help you PAUSE and give you time to relax before you shift your brain into your emotional and executive states. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Balloon Blow up a balloon, then demonstrate what happens when you hold the opening of the balloon and allow the air to escape. Explain that this is what we can do with our lungs. Inhale a number of times, suck in air and hold it as if to blow up your lungs like balloons. Purse your lips and allow the air to escape. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Drain Extend both arms out in front of your body parallel to the floor. Have the fists closed palms facing down. Inhale squeezing and tightening your fists, arms, and face. Pretend your arms are faucets on a sink. Your closed fists are acting as drains. To open the drain, exhale and relax your fingers by opening them and making a swishing noise (SSSSHHHHHH). The noise represents water flowing out of a faucet. Close the drain by tightening your fist. Tighten them so that your arms, neck, and face are constricted. Then, open the drain and release with the sound again. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Pretzel Sit or stand crossing the left ankle over the right ankle. Extend your arms out in front of you with your thumbs pointing down, and cross your left wrist over the right wrist. Interlace your fingers, and draw your hands up toward your chest. Clsoe your eyes and breathe. Press your tongue flat against the roof of your mouth when inhaling, and release it when exhaling. The pretzel shifts the electrical energy from the survival centers of the brain to the reasoning centers. Pressing your tongue against the roof of your mouth like this stimulates the limbic system to work with the frontal lobes. Dr. Dennison discovered that this posture releases emotional stress and can help with learning disabilities. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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In an emotional state: Change your trigger thoughts Stop your CD
Upload Calming Thoughts “I am safe.” “Keep Breathing.” “I can handle this.” Do you feel any relief? “I am safe.” (Tells our brain to turn off the stress alarm system.) “Keep Breathing.” (Take 3 deep breaths. This is your pause.) “I can handle this.” (Affirmation to yourself that you are capable.) We must find out where the anger is coming from and how it works. Stress and a trigger always precede an angry reaction. A trigger is anything that activates the perception of threat or the false messages on our CD ROM. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Mirror Neurons, Again Mirror neurons ensure that the moment
someone sees an emotion on your face, they will at once sense that same feeling within themselves. With this calm emotional brain state in mind: think about how you look when you are calm and collected. When you are relaxed, does it show on your face and in your body language. Just as children pick up on stressed emotional body language, children can also sense calmer emotional states. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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In an executive state: We have the power! When we are correctly using our executive function, we have the power to realize that we control our feelings. This power allows us to know that “no one can make you angry without your permission.” “No one can make you angry without your permission.” Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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In an executive state: Change your perception with problem solving skills. Oops! You made a mistake. You’re beautiful to me. Activity to see misbehavior differently pg 53/88 How I wish “uh-oh” or “oops” was embedded in my CD. Instead I have negative thoughts that bubble up like “What were you thinking Jerri?” or “You know better than this Jerri!” when I make a mistake. I hear the critical voice in my head that immediately evokes guilt, anger, and disgust. Changing our negative self-talk can only happen from an integrated executive state. When we are triggered into an emotional state by our mistakes, we can actively calm our way to a higher brain state and let go of our need for perfection by saying, “Oops, try again.” This frees us to make meaningful changes in our lives instead of focusing on the negative thought, “STUPID JERRI!” Blame and attack instinctively follow a feeling of powerlessness. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Transformation by Conscious Discipline
This video is proof of the success in using the Conscious Discipline system.
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Activities that parents can use
This is a book of activities by Dr. Becky Bailey. It offers ideas for parents to be more connected to their children. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Q-TIP Q-Quit T-Taking I- It P-Personally
As a single parent, in the beginning, I spent a lot of time beating myself up and feeling like a failure. I wasted a lot of energy with negative thoughts and, basically, kicking myself. For the most part, I could not change the events that that happened. They were beyond my control. By shifting my mind, I feel less like a failure and more like a mom that is trying to do her best. I constantly remind myself: Oops! I made a mistake. I also like to remind myself of this acronym. Q-TIP: Quit Taking It Personally….. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Until you discipline yourself…. You can not discipline others!!!
Remember … Until you discipline yourself…. You can not discipline others!!! Final thought of the day: If we cannot discipline our own actions, how can we discipline others? If you learn to manage your emotions, you can teach your child how to manage hers. Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Baily.
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Thank you for all that you do!
Questions?
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Drive to 55 Alliance http://driveto55.org/
Governor Haslam has challenged our state with a critical new mission: the Drive to 55 – the Drive to get 55 percent of Tennesseans equipped with a college degree or certificate by the year 2025. It’s not just a mission for higher education, but a mission for Tennessee’s future workforce and economic development. Join us on the Drive to 55 to create more opportunities for more Tennesseans — and to improve our quality of life. Our funders have asked us to include information on the Drive to 55 to remind everyone of the TNPromise and 2 years free community college education for high school graduates.
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