RESPONDING TO RULES HOW TO: MAKE COMPLAINTS TAKE “NO” FOR AN ANSWER DISAGREE APPROPRIATELY CHANGE RULES

REVIEW What are the two main reasons for rules? Accepting Consequences (rules condensed here ->) What is a hidden rule?

MAKING COMPLAINTS/GIVING CRITICISM Sometimes, we are really unhappy with rules, plans, or people Express your unhappiness through complaints or criticism Use tact and respect Only make a complaint/give criticisms if the issue is affecting your safety and/or success. Ex: I can complain about getting so much homework it takes me 3 hour every night to finish. Ex: I should not complain to the class about a student near me that smells bad. (But I can ask for a new seat from the teacher) Complaints should be: Correctly timed Calmly stated Constructive

CORRECTLY TIMED There is a right time and place to make complaints…and a wrong one Make sure the listener can give you their full attention. Make an appointment if possible. If you aren’t sure, ask “Is this a good time to talk to you about my concerns with_______________?”

CALMLY STATED You probably have strong emotions connected to the complaint. Do your best to be calm and rational. State your complaint/criticism as an objective problem, not a personal attack Don’t go to extremes– avoid using words like “never,” “always,” and “everyone.” Ex: “You never let us have freedom!” Ex: “Everyone thinks this is a terrible rule.”

CONSTRUCTIVE Focus on your own complaint/criticism and how the issue affects you. Use “I- messages” like “I feel…” and “I struggle with…” Brainstorm and share ideas for fixing the issue. If you are not trying to come up with a solution together, consider not sharing your criticism/complaint Try to find the root of the issue Ex: Do you hate the existence of Panther Club or do you hate how loud it can be?

VIDEO AND DISCUSSION! Sleep-Over Situation: Discuss: Would the first way change the mind of your parent, if this were you? How would the sister’s suggestions help? What do you do if you try the appropriate way but still don’t get what you want?

DISAGREEING APPROPRIATELY Sometimes, you might disagree with a decision from authority (parents, teachers, etc.) Sometimes, you might disagree with a friend You can use these steps to disagree appropriately: Look at the person. Use a calm face and pleasant voice. Say “I understand how you feel” and restate the other person’s ideas in a positive way Explain why you feel differently and give a reason for your beliefs Listen to the other person Say “Let’s agree to disagree” or “I disagree, but I accept your decision” Let it go. Remember that there are other things you can agree with and this won’t ruin your life.

VIDEOS AND PRACTICE! Steps to Disagreeing Appropriately: The View: What disagreement skills are they missing? (stop after 1 minute) Practice these scenarios with a group of 3-4: Two people should talk and the others should observe and assess Your friend tells you the new Transformers movie is amazing. You hated it. Your friend says that Minecraft is dumb. You disagree. A teacher tells you that you can’t go outside during lunch today because it’s too cold.

TAKING “NO” FOR AN ANSWER Sometimes, the answer is still “no” No, I won’t change that rule. No, you can’t do that. No, things aren’t going to be the way you want. This can be really frustrating! Here’s what you should do: Say “ok” and thank the person for talking to you about it. Avoid making the complaint repeatedly. The decision has been made. Let it go. Avoid arguing, pouting, or becoming angry. Look on the bright side. What positive things can come from this?

ERROR CORRECTION! Scenario: Your teacher has asked Principal Liz if the students can have cell phones out during class. Principal Liz says “no.” Watch your teacher’s reaction and determine what your teacher is doing wrong.

CRITERIA FOR CHANGING RULES Sometimes, we can try to change rules that we don’t like. Here are the steps: Try to understand the rule. If you or others really won’t be successful or safe without it, consider accepting it. Acknowledge the reason behind the rule. What problem does the rule fix? Prepare a few alternative rules that fix the same problem. Figure out the appropriate person to talk to about this. Present your alternatives while following the steps to Making a Complaint/Giving Criticism. Be prepared for an answer If the answer is “no,” follow the steps for “Taking No for an Answer” If the answer is “yes,” work together with the authority figure to try out your new plan. Be responsible! Follow-through on any job you are given to make the rule change work.

YOUR PROJECT: CHANGING A RULE You are going to try to change a rule at school. Step 1: Identify a rule that you dislike at school. Step 2: Make sure it follows the criteria for changing rules. Step 3: Create something with the intention of changing that rule. Poster (send it to your teacher, who will send it on to the right people) Letter/note Work in groups of 2-3 or alone. While you are working, I will assess your skills. I will call students over one-by-one and ask you to role-play giving criticism/making a complaint, taking no for an answer, or disagreeing appropriately. You can use your notes!

IN CONCLUSION… If you disagree with a person or a rule: Talk with respect. Be positive. Deal with it.